Should I leave therapy?

I'm having some hard time as of lately with my therapist (sorry for a long post, English is not my native tongue).

I've been struggling with anxiety, depression, and loneliness for the past 8 years. I also have avoidant/dependant personality disorders which makes me a pain to deal with.

I've been seeing one of the best therapists in my town for the last 3 years. Sometimes, everything was great. I felt validated and supported. The next time I was denied the same feelings. I would come with a clear idea of what I wanted to discuss on a session and she would tell me "I won't talk about this". Her common complaint was that she felt as if I came to therapy because I needed a friend and she would very strict about setting boundaries.

Things changed for worse during the pandemic. At that time, I tried to meet a girlfriend for about 2 years. My therapist told me that most girls will never like me because of my short height, so I'd need to find a miniature girl.

After another failed online dating attempt, my therapist suggested me to invite my colleague for a date (I liked her but never dreamed she could like me in return). I was to surround her with friendly care and win over her love. The first step was to present her some fruits. The girl refused. So my therapist told me to stop seeing this girl and accept the fact that I’ll never have a family of my own. She advised me to start dating a chatbot (as Japanese guys who understand they’ll never be good enough for a real girl). Lastly, she said that science is impotent In my case and forwarded me to another therapist (whom she doesn't respect at all, so she basically dumped me).

I haven't seen her in about 3 months. When I returned to my therapist, it felt as if everything went back to the good old days. I felt wonderful during those visits. She supported me and said that even if this girl started dating another guy, there was still hope.

And then was the last visit. She refused to give the advice I asked her. Instead, the therapy was about dispelling my illusions. She told me this girl clearly doesn't want to do anything with me (and I understand that the girl doesn't love me but my therapist wouldn't listen to any objections). She told me that I need to accept that I have no friends, that people I like don't give a damn about me. She ended the session by saying that I should focus on earning more money as money is the only attractive thing about some people.

For the last 3 years, I thought that the whole point of my therapy was to get rid of my schizoid tendencies - to hook up with people at all costs. Turns out, it's the opposite. She said that when I feel bad, I shouldn't tell anybody or go through therapy. I should quietly deal with it on my own to become stronger.

This last time I came to her in a pretty good mood only to be completely and utterly destroyed. And I paid a ton of money to get devastated. At this point, I'm asking myself why am I doing this? For the past 3 years, my therapist have been telling me that she's making a therapy group, specially for me. 3 years have passed and there's still no sign of this mythical therapy group. I feel worse and less confident than before starting the therapy.

And that girl that clearly doesn't want anything to do with me? Since then, we had several deep conversations that lasted for hours upon hours. It's clear she doesn't love me or anything like but she still opened up a lot and I'm very grateful to her for that. Unfortunately, she's moving away and I won't be able to see her.

So, I'm kinda at a crossroads. It's autumn and I feel bad and lonely but have no desire to return to therapy. I have no friends or anyone to talk to. I don't know what to do.

Thank you for listening!

The problem is not therapy but you landed with an unethical and incompetent therapist. And stayed with them.

She was not 'dispelling any illusions', she was invalidating you.

What kind of therapist tells clients the following:
- I won't talk about this
- most girls will never like me because of my short height, so I'd need to find a miniature girl
- So my therapist told me to stop seeing this girl and accept the fact that I’ll never have a family of my own
- She advised me to start dating a chatbot
- Lastly, she said that science is impotent
- She told me that I need to accept that I have no friends, that people I like don't give a damn about me

This is unacceptable.

I am surprised you stayed with her for THREE years. If you give therapy another chance, please set some boundaries so you are treated with respect.

I’d try someone else, honestly, at best (without even taking into account what Rive. said) she seems very pessimistic and like there’s a lot she just doesn’t understand in general.
Being rejected by your colleague honestly didn’t spell the end of your dating potential, for example (I mean in general, not potential to get with your colleague). Most people get rejected by more dates than accepted, it’s literally just statistics. And many mixed height couples exist, including women with shorter men.
Also, while I don’t know much about schizophrenia, or schizoid tendencies, I’m pretty sure you can’t work through it alone.

Has anyone besides this one therapist diagnosed you with dependent and avoidant personality disorders? Because you can't have both at the same time... they are opposites.

And if you truly have a Schizoid Personality Disorder, well, then, you should not be diagnosed with any other type of personality disorder at the same time.

I get the feeling that she is just throwing around these terms to try and control you. (I don't really know what her purpose or motive is, you understand, but this is my gut-level reaction.)

In any case, it doesn't seem like these labels have served their purpose. Labels should help you understand yourself and any disorder you might have more clearly and more fully. They should help you understand how to better cope with the disorder. Has any of that happened?

If not, and if she is the only one to have mentioned these disorders, then I would quit seeing her immediately. Then you can decide whether to find another, more qualified and more ethical and more empathic therapist.

Maybe you will find someone to spend your life with as a romantic partner. Maybe you won't. But that is not for your therapist to decide!

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Why would you stay?

I couldn't even get through your whole post before I was thinking, "This therapist is a crackpot." Change therapists. This one is awful.

I agree with others here who have advised you to FIND A NEW THERAPIST. The one you currently have...not only is she not a good therapist for you, but in my opinion, she is traumatizing you. Try another therapist and another and another, until you find someone who doesn't invalidate you. Успіху

Fire the therapist.

Find an ethical, competent one.

I'm with everyone else on this thread. That therapist sounds like a cynical crackpot. Leave her in the dust.