Mixed feelings about leaving my counselor and missing her

In May I abruptly left my counselor and never returned. I liked her as a person but she couldn´t help me with my issues and we mostly talked about everyday things and she shared a lot about herself.

I got very disappointed in her when she in May asked me what I would do if I can´t get psychotherapy at the facility and I then told her I´ll file a complaint and I´ll tell my welfare secretray that I, if they cut me off from the facility, I don´t have a doctor to see anymore.

My counselor then said, "Well, by that you have a plan!" and she didn´t present any solutions but left me sitting there. I began to cry and I sat quiet for the rest of our meeting. When the time was up and she had given me the date for our next meeting I just went straight to the door saying nothing.

Many more things have happened during the time I saw this counselor and although she couldn´t help me she never acknowledged that but just asked me what I should do if I can´t get psychotherapy. It should have been her who presented some kind of solution as she must be aware she couldn´t help me.

But I though feel bad about just leaving as we had some nice meetings and I got to know her rather well. In a therapeutic sense she crossed boundaries by talking a lot about herself, her family and so on but she wasn´t a therapist, nor giving therapy but just supportive chats.

In some ways I miss her and I feel sad about our "ending" when I just rushed out the door saying nothing. Even if I could phone her or book a meeting I don´t want to as it wouldn´t change how I feel, that I miss her at the same time as I´m disappointed in her.

I also think a lot about that she has her family, her job, her dogs and so on and I´m alone as I´ve been for many years now. I feel it´s very unfair as I went to her and that facility to get help and when I don´t get it, they just continue living their lives.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Sounds really dreadful. I lost a therapist who I liked and it was very, very sad for me. She was the only therapist I liked. But the circumstances of this were quite different than what you experienced and I think it is very understandable that you have mixed feelings about it. I hope that somehow things will get better for you. I know that is kind of a pathetic response to your post, but I really don't know what to say to be helpful. So sorry!

It is normal to have mixed feelings about this. The heart can't disengage overnight.

I spent ten years with Madame T and at least five years to forget her.

Thanks. I´m sorry for you as well, that you lost that therapist you liked. I also feel hopelessness in my situation as I can´t get access to therapy and by that I´m also left with my feelings of sadness and grief.

Thanks for showing support.

How are you doing now?

Thanks Bill3 for asking about me.

I still miss that counselor from time to time and I sometimes cry over how I left her and that I´ll never see her again. Some days it feels a bit better and I don´t think about it that much.

I´m waiting for a referall to a health care center but they won´t be able to give me the treatment I need so in that sense I seem to be out of options.