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View Poll Results: Did you ever comment on or criticize the office of the therapist or their appearance
Yes 14 48.28%
Yes
14 48.28%
No 7 24.14%
No
7 24.14%
I told the therapist I did not like something about the office 10 34.48%
I told the therapist I did not like something about the office
10 34.48%
I told the therapist I did not like something about their appearance 2 6.90%
I told the therapist I did not like something about their appearance
2 6.90%
I asked the therapist to change something about their office 0 0%
I asked the therapist to change something about their office
0 0%
I asked the therapist to change something about themself 0 0%
I asked the therapist to change something about themself
0 0%
I just moved stuff around the office if I was uncomfortable 2 6.90%
I just moved stuff around the office if I was uncomfortable
2 6.90%
I never noticed the therapist enough to comment on their appearance 1 3.45%
I never noticed the therapist enough to comment on their appearance
1 3.45%
It wasn't my office so no I just endured whatever uncomfortable part there was and rejoiced when I left 2 6.90%
It wasn't my office so no I just endured whatever uncomfortable part there was and rejoiced when I left
2 6.90%
Whatever unfortunate choices the therapist made about their office or appearance was not my problem. 3 10.34%
Whatever unfortunate choices the therapist made about their office or appearance was not my problem.
3 10.34%
I only made comments designed to help the therapist 1 3.45%
I only made comments designed to help the therapist
1 3.45%
Other 4 13.79%
Other
4 13.79%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 29. You may not vote on this poll

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stopdog
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Default Oct 10, 2021 at 09:38 PM
  #1
Did you ever comment to the therapist a criticism or suggestion about their office or appearance? You should be able to check more than one box

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Default Oct 10, 2021 at 09:47 PM
  #2
I’ve commented when I didn’t like the office setup. Like one of Info’s offices is too big. Or when the therapist is between me and the door.

Appearance? I complained once, after the fact, that No. 1 was dressed in a sweatsuit one day when she was usually quite natty. It wasn’t just her appearance, but that she seemed checked out that day.

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Default Oct 10, 2021 at 10:11 PM
  #3
I didn't. To me (not others -you all do you), commenting on appearance seems to imply a familiarity which I did not have with therapist and in general I would not have thought it my place to do so nor theirs to comment on mine. And their office was not mine and I figured they intended it to be uncomfortable or gooey or whatever and commenting would be useless and not my place.

I was just wondering what others do

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Last edited by stopdog; Oct 10, 2021 at 11:12 PM..
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Default Oct 10, 2021 at 11:25 PM
  #4
Other - my therapists had perfect taste. I couldnt stand them otherwise. I was paying for an esthetic as well as emotional respite.
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Default Oct 11, 2021 at 12:51 AM
  #5
I've commented on a piece of artwork that I liked and sometimes complimented her outfit. Also the cat, who was peeking over her shoulder through the window during a telehealth session.

Oh- the trash can moved. She swore it had always been in that corner. There must have been a client before me for a while who moved the trash can over and then stopped coming or something because all of a sudden it wasn't right there for me to throw a tissue away. I had to get up to retrieve it. Heh. That's about it. I just complained (not really, it was kind of funny) and got up to move it to its rightful place.

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Default Oct 11, 2021 at 05:28 AM
  #6
Yes I commented on those things...I think in my first session I could see a tattoo poking out the top of his shirt so I asked him what it was (I worked in a tattoo shop at the time so I was just curious) but he said it was personal and didn't tell me what it was until years later.

It kind of made me not want to comment on things for fear of getting no answers. But I do notice everything about him and the room when I'm there.
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Default Oct 11, 2021 at 05:47 AM
  #7
I don't comment on her outfit these days. In her old clinic, I would sometimes comment if she wore this white doctor's coat mostly because I've white coat anxiety.

Once or twice (over several years), I've expressing mild concern in the form of our shared culture when she seemed to have lost a bunch of weight to the point of looking unhealthily skinny. And I only did so after clinic staff themselves had made some remarks on her workload and "she's looking so skinny now." in concerned tones.

I myself am often underweight due to some issues - not deliberate restricting - and I do get remarks by clinic staff and medical professionals when it drops past a certain point.

At our current clinic, I've made brief comments about whatever room we happen to be using (if new to me, as there's not always a assigned room per therapist), and if the familiar room has changes in it.
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Default Oct 11, 2021 at 06:20 AM
  #8
About appearance, sometimes yes, but not in a criticizing way, just comments like "you have new shoes". About the office no, but as you put it so nicely "the unfortunate choices are not my problem" in that regard.
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Default Oct 11, 2021 at 07:33 AM
  #9
After Dr. T grew his beard to a natural shape, I made a comment about how he used to have a "weird beard shape." He joked about it once or twice after that, too. I also told him that one of his shirts (had marlins or sailfish on it) made it look like he should be fishing in the Florida Keys or something rather than holding a therapy session. So it was harder for me to take him seriously. There may have been other things, too.

As for his office, I've asked him to do things like close the blinds where the sun was coming in (same with ex-T and ex-MC) or adjust the thermostat if it was warm, but I didn't give that answer in the poll because those were just temporary changes. Oh, and I guess I've commented a few times when he's worked from home (virtually) and has been in a different room.
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Default Oct 11, 2021 at 07:46 AM
  #10
for poll purpose, there is no distinction in permanent versus temporary.

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Default Oct 11, 2021 at 09:11 AM
  #11
Temp T had no shoes on when I first saw her. About half way through the session when I dared to look away from the door and in to the room (only at the floor mind!), I noticed and it made me laugh. I said "you've got no shoes on" and it made her laugh too. She said that she hardly ever wore shoes because she didnt like the feel of them or something, but said that no-one had ever commented before.

To 'break the ice' with one of the Ts I 'auditioned' I told her that her computer was very noisy. It was straight after this that she suggested I leave - maybe she didn't get my humour!!

I also told Temp T that the space was too small for me. It feels that way, so I needed to be honest about it.

I used to joke with my long term T that her room was messy. It wasn't really, but she was a bit of a collector and had lots of things to play with/work with which I quite liked.

That's about it really. Other than that it's their space and their appearance. If it really doesn't suit me I won't click with them and we won't work together.
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Default Oct 11, 2021 at 12:41 PM
  #12
I've asked questions about various nicknacks and things around the office, not to criticize but because I was curious. I also commented once when the side table (next to the couch) was getting pretty dirty from all us clients with our drippy coffee cups.

T's clothes are mostly bland business casual so there's not much to say about them. A couple times he has worn shoes I didn't like but I figured it didn't really matter, and he has the right to wear ugly boots if he wants, so I didn't mention it.

Today I noticed a big dusty cobweb hanging from the ceiling. If it's still there next time maybe I'll say something.
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Default Oct 11, 2021 at 02:06 PM
  #13
yes I have. all my therapists at one time or another and usually at the beginning of my sessions ask comfort oriented questions about the room, lighting shades up or down, seating and so forth. I never asked them why but Im assuming its 1. common curtesy when inviting another person into your space you want them to be as comfortable as possible. The equivalent of offering someone a cup of coffee, water something to drink when they come visit your home. 2. human beings have an easier time talking when they are feeling comfortable with their surroundings.

There was a situation in my many years of therapy where I was extremely uncomfortable and it was early in our work together. my therapist surprised me with standing up and moving an item out of view. then came back, sat down and asked me How is that for you now?

I had not realized that my eyes kept darting to that object and my body had been tight, and my words were coming out with a touch of fear and other emotions.

After he had moved that object out of view I was able to relax, and have an easier time talking.

ever since then any time I go to therapy I take a moment to look around the room to see if there are any distractions that may affect our time together. if so I go to it. pick it up and "get to know it", if after checking it out Im still uncomfortable I ask for its removal out of my vision. that way I wont be constantly focused on it.
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Default Oct 11, 2021 at 02:45 PM
  #14
Today, I was tempted to say "What's up with the preppy look? Gingham, really? And did you dye your beard again? You shouldn't do that." But I did not.
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Default Oct 11, 2021 at 03:05 PM
  #15
My therapist was wearing awful looking striped pants that legit looked like clown pants. but I didn’t comment on them.

I asked one of mine why she was using a vending machine when Covid was getting really bad. Then I also asked her one time why she was dressed up. I’ve asked before how old therapists are and they usually tell me.

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Default Oct 11, 2021 at 06:15 PM
  #16
No. I don’t typically care enough. I care about mine and my house’s appearance great deal. Not about other people’s. I find most people decorate their houses rather poorly (of course it’s subjective) and are poor dressers imho but it’s not my business and not my job to help them improve upon. I notice and move on. My therapist wore socks with sandals. Ha. But I am not fashion police
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Default Oct 11, 2021 at 08:20 PM
  #17
I told the therapist there were things I didn't like and I changed some things around to suit me better (every darned visit. I also changed it back at the end every time I left). The therapist has a better office now so I don't need to do that anymore.
I did tell her today that she needs another artwork to hang on a particular wall.
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Default Oct 11, 2021 at 08:25 PM
  #18
I’ve told my current therapist that his couch is trash. He was surprised because apparently most other people like it. In the past I had a therapist who wore the worst socks. I didn’t even care that they were white gym socks, but they were obviously old and ill fitting. I offered many times to buy him socks, but “blah blah gifts”
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Default Oct 11, 2021 at 09:39 PM
  #19
I briefly saw a therapist whose office was basically a converted broom closet. It was small and narrow and his chair was closer to the door in a way that gave the impression of blocking the exit (he wasn’t blocking the door, it just felt that way). There was no window, no overhead light and just a fairly dim lamp on a side table. I commented about the fact that it felt a bit tight in there, that there wasn’t even a window and he replied, “do you like the outdoors FJ?” Saying my name in that sort of aggressive pointed way, like he was trying to sell me a crappy car.

It was such a dumb reply. I was really young and I blurted out, “can you not just agree that it would be nice to have a window???” And he came out with one more therapeutic platitude and I never returned.
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Default Oct 13, 2021 at 01:28 PM
  #20
Yeah all the time

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