advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
pixiedust72
Member
pixiedust72 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2018
Location: America
Posts: 156
5 yr Member
13 hugs
given
Default Oct 11, 2021 at 10:06 PM
  #1
My therapist is for some reason really tough on me. I would call myself a very sensitive person generally but then also I have been dealing with depression lately. So some days I’ll go to my therapist and realize she’s in a certain type of mood where she’s more harsh than she is other times. Sometimes she’s really validating and gives me kind words of encouragement and other times she’ll say things that really sting. Like I was describing my suicidal ideation and how/why it really started. She responded by saying “so someone was mean to you and it made you want to kill yourself?” like that was ridiculous. (This wasn’t even the main reason I was suicidal, it was just a drop in the bucket and I corrected her as such).

I’ve talked a lot about how stressful my job has been and how it’s been really damaging my mental health. I was saying maybe it’s not the job for me and she was hell bent on me making it better rather than getting another job. Which I get but it’s frustrating to not be the authority on my own situation. Like I’m wrong for wanting to quit. I was saying I really struggle with relaxing after work and she asked how many hours I work, I said 25, and she was like “you definitely have time to relax if you only work 25 hours”. And then brought up how I’m going to have to figure out how to work even more than that since I’ve been talking about my money struggles. Which again is true but very, very disheartening. To me it’s like, if I’m already struggling at 25 hours there’s no hope that I’ll be able to work more and finally make enough to survive. The problem is that I can’t handle this and I don’t know how I’ll be able to handle more. She couldn’t see that at all. She has a very “suck it up and do it” attitude which I don’t like at all. At this point I’m basically just venting but why would she be so harsh knowing everything I’m going through. I don’t need to be talked to like that…
pixiedust72 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
*Beth*, atisketatasket, Fuzzybear, LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, RoxanneToto, SlumberKitty

advertisement
RoxanneToto
Grand Poohbah
RoxanneToto has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2020
Location: England
Posts: 1,692
3 yr Member
6,991 hugs
given
Default Oct 12, 2021 at 12:12 AM
  #2
Is there any chance you can transfer to someone else? The sort of things she’s saying to you when she’s in ‘a certain kind of mood’ really worry me. It’s minimising at best. She’s maybe got things of her own going on that you don’t know about, that she can’t properly deal with. No excuse to be harsh on you, of course.
I’m very sorry about your job situation, and can definitely sympathise. Being able to relax outside of work certainly isn’t always about how much time one has free. If I were your T, I’d encourage you to make a change like my T does with me, though I get it’s hard either way. If you feel the need to change your job, is that something you can start making small steps towards, without T’s encouragement?
RoxanneToto is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
Favorite Jeans, Fuzzybear, LonesomeTonight
pixiedust72
Member
pixiedust72 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2018
Location: America
Posts: 156
5 yr Member
13 hugs
given
Default Oct 12, 2021 at 02:13 AM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoxanneToto View Post
Is there any chance you can transfer to someone else? The sort of things she’s saying to you when she’s in ‘a certain kind of mood’ really worry me. It’s minimising at best. She’s maybe got things of her own going on that you don’t know about, that she can’t properly deal with. No excuse to be harsh on you, of course.
I’m very sorry about your job situation, and can definitely sympathise. Being able to relax outside of work certainly isn’t always about how much time one has free. If I were your T, I’d encourage you to make a change like my T does with me, though I get it’s hard either way. If you feel the need to change your job, is that something you can start making small steps towards, without T’s encouragement?
I pay out of pocket so I can easily transfer whenever. I’m just attached and have bonded a lot with this therapist. I have started applying and even interviewing for other jobs which is why I don’t get why she’s wanting me to stay at this job. I have some decent prospects.
pixiedust72 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Fuzzybear, RoxanneToto, SlumberKitty
Favorite Jeans
Grand Poohbah
 
Favorite Jeans's Avatar
Favorite Jeans has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2013
Location: In my head
Posts: 1,787
10 yr Member
1,819 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Oct 12, 2021 at 09:08 AM
  #4
Sometimes we attach to people who are not very kind to us or good for us. Is that a possibility here?
Favorite Jeans is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Fuzzybear, SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight, RoxanneToto
Rive.
Magnate
Rive. has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,002
10 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Oct 12, 2021 at 09:25 AM
  #5
Quote:
but why would she be so harsh knowing everything I’m going through. I don’t need to be talked to like that…
I would actually ask her that question, with curiosity rather than with blame or aggression.

Therapy is a space to express our needs (it doesn't mean they will be met but at least they could be explored) & boundaries (i.e. not being 'talked to like')

You express more dissatisfaction and upset than anything. So this 'attachment' will keep you stuck in experiencing the same. If she won't change, you can either stay and continue feeling frustrated with her OR you could leave and give yourself the chance to have someone provide you the support you need.
Rive. is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
*Beth*, Favorite Jeans, Fuzzybear, LonesomeTonight, RoxanneToto
LonesomeTonight
Always in This Twilight
 
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,695 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
74.8k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Oct 12, 2021 at 09:34 AM
  #6
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rive. View Post
I would actually ask her that question, with curiosity rather than with blame or aggression.

Therapy is a space to express our needs (it doesn't mean they will be met but at least they could be explored) & boundaries (i.e. not being 'talked to like')

You express more dissatisfaction and upset than anything. So this 'attachment' will keep you stuck in experiencing the same. If she won't change, you can either stay and continue feeling frustrated with her OR you could leave and give yourself the chance to have someone provide you the support you need.

These are really good points. I have a T who is generally more blunt and can be harsh at times. I've told him before when I just need support vs. to be challenged on something, and he will generally give that. When the pandemic started, I told him I needed him to be more gentle with me and to push less, as I was really struggling with things. And he shifted his approach.

I think speaking up for what you want/need (and what you don't find helpful or that is even hurtful) from this T is worth a try. If nothing else, you're standing up for yourself. If she's defensive and/or refuses to shift/change, then it's likely time to look for a new T, even just to try out someone else temporarily.

Good luck with the job search!
LonesomeTonight is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Fuzzybear, SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
ElectricManatee, Favorite Jeans, Rive., RoxanneToto
ArtleyWilkins
Magnate
ArtleyWilkins has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 2,786
5 yr Member
7 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Oct 12, 2021 at 03:50 PM
  #7
I had a pretty straight-forward therapist which worked for me - I'm pretty much that way myself. BUT, if that approach doesn't always work for you, speak up and let your therapist know. Even mine knew when to back off and handle things differently.
ArtleyWilkins is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Fuzzybear, SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight, RoxanneToto
coolibrarian
Poohbah
 
coolibrarian's Avatar
coolibrarian Coolibrarian is feeling anxious.
 
Member Since: Feb 2014
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,302
10 yr Member
1,041 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Oct 13, 2021 at 03:50 PM
  #8
You are the authority of your own mind and body. It sounds to me like your current T needs to see a T, if she isn't already. Like I said in an earlier post, "there are many Ts in the sea." Find a better one.

__________________
In a world where you can be anything, be kind. ;
coolibrarian is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Fuzzybear, SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
RoxanneToto
Fuzzybear
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,298 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
81.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Oct 26, 2021 at 04:24 PM
  #9
I also think that this therapist needs to see a therapist (if she is not already). It sounds like she has ''issues'' and maybe is using your attachment to her against you. I suggest looking for a different therapist unless she changes significantly. Some of what you have said is quite worrying.

__________________
Fuzzybear is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Favorite Jeans, RoxanneToto
*Beth*
catches the flowers
*Beth* is practicing healthy breathing for brain, mind, body, spirit.
 
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!)
3 yr Member
23.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Oct 26, 2021 at 05:02 PM
  #10
My opinion is that it would help both of you if you bring the subject up in session.

__________________




*Beth* is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:48 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.