Eye Contact

Hey guys!

I know we've had threads on eye contact before, but I was wondering for people who don't make any or much eye contact with their T's, was this something you ever worked on?

My T briefly tried to get me to look at her in small bits (like a second or two), but it didn't last long. That was a couple of years ago, and we've never touched the topic since. I feel kinda guilty that I never make eye contact, but I just can't get myself to do it.

I did not look at the therapist but there was no need to work on it. I look at real people.

I don’t like making eye contact in emotional situations. In therapy, it can be a problem with Info, but it wasn’t last week with Visa—I think because with Info it’s all touchy-feely but with Visa it was all facts.

I don’t have the same problem irl with students or colleagues or friends or others I encounter regularly like cashiers. That might be a place to start practicing eye contact if you have issues there too.

I have difficultly with eye contact with my therapist (though not generally speaking in normal life except when emotions run high). It is something I feel like I need to work on, especially since I just started a counseling masters degree.

It’s something I really struggle with as well. I’ve only been seeing my T for a few months and it’s something we have touched on as I said I feel guilty for not making eye contact. We talked about why I find it so hard and he reassured me there is absolutely no pressure to make eye contact but if I wanted to try it when I felt ready then he would be there ready and waiting.
A couple of times when I’ve been on the verge of dissociating he has gently said ‘if you feel like you can, just raise your eyes to look at me just to remind you that it’s me you’re with and you’re safe, but if you don’t want to do that or you can’t then that’s ok.’ I’ve managed to do it for like half a second and it has helped.
I suspect it will probably be something that we work on further down the line. At the moment I’m still working on establishing trust so it doesn’t feel safe enough yet to get in to it.

I can probably count on my fingers and toes the amount of times I made eye contact with T in five years. And no, it isn't something I ever worked on. I don't make eye contact in real life either. Unless I'm at work and that is only every now and again.

I have never worked on it, and I have no idea if it is something I will work on either. Maybe. Maybe not. It's almost like it's a part of me that I guard. I guard it very tightly and I only allow people there in very special situations.

Sounds crazy, but makes it mean something when I do make eye contact.

yeah i definitely think it has to do with the fact that it is such sensitive and vulnerable things going on in therapy, and i avoid all of that like the plague. i think i mostly make “normal” eye contact out in the real world, at least better than in therapy.

I hardly ever make eye contact in therapy, I know my eyes are looking all around the room or anywhere but him. If I do look at him then I find it hard to think about what I'm saying, and lose my train of thought.

In the past horrible things have happened to me while people demanded me to look at them as well, so don't know if that has anything to do with it.
I don't think he's ever brought it up but I kind of wish he would.

We actually just recently started with this!

For the last four years or so, I'd mostly have my eyes closed, the only exception is a kind of ritual we have where I usually ask for some eye contact at the very end of a session, which lasts like a second or two.

I don't have this problem outside of therapy either and it bothers me, it sounds like a nice thing to have more often. T has commented on it from time to time and has also tried to get me to look at him at various times, sometimes that worked, other times it didn't go over so well. By now I at least seem to have figured out why I'm struggling with it and what the eye contact triggers.

So, a couple of weeks ago we worked on this for the first time for more than a few seconds. What seems to work so far is that for now, my T doesn't look at me, instead he looks at his shoes or the wall, while I can look at him or look away whenever I feel comfortable. Sometimes he'd still look at me to make sure I'm doing okay, and towards the end of the session we also managed to hold eye contact for a bit longer than usual. Looking at him while he wasn't looking helped, it gave me a nice feeling and let me choose how quickly we move. I will certainly continue with this whenever it's a good time to do so. I think over time I'll get more accustomed to looking at him, so that I can also do that while we're talking about other things, which sounds nice.

I just realised I have seen my Temp T for 6 or 7 sessions now and still have no idea what she looks like - I won't even look in the general direction of my therapists.