Therapy coming to an end

Hi!

I've been feeling conflicted these last few days. Sad, also.

My therapist asked me if I feel that I would be able to go on by myself, that we may think of ending therapy.

I froze for a second. I said yes, at first, but then I said that I'm not sure about it, and she told me to think it over, and that we can talk about it the next session.

On one hand, I feel proud that she thinks that I'm ready to go on by myself, and I think so too, for the most part. I'd say that I'm satisfied with her as my therapist.

On the other hand, I'm very sad. I feel that I'm losing a close friend. I grew very fond of her through therapy. I started to experience a strong romantic transference after some months of therapy. It subsided a bit after confessing to her, but those deep feelings are always there. I feel happy talking with her, and she makes me laugh. Now, it hurts a lot.

I've been working with her for almost 3 years. She's been there for me, always, she heard me when nobody else did, helped me to grow, and encouraged me to try things that I wouldn't think to do by myself.

I've been wanting to tell her that I think that the timing isn't quite right. That I'm going through a lot of stressful stuff, and that I could use her help. She does CBT, so we work within an established margin of time.

I really don't know what to say to her.

Should I say all the things that I feel, and risk the chance of not being able to see her again as her patient? She said that I could come back if I feel that I need help, but I fear that she wouldn't want to see me again if I say all those things.

You don't sound like you're really ready to stop. Could you maybe just reduce the frequency of sessions for now? Like if you see her weekly now, try switching to every other week, for example?

And unsure whether you should say all the things.

That's hard. If it were my T, she would want me to say "all the things." I think it gives a more balanced perspective on your situation. My T has always said that if I still want to do therapy, she is here. She said she likes doing long-term therapy, that she gets to see people evolve throughout the years. (she has never said that, and it did make me feel a bit relieved to hear it) That I do not have to perform for her, or do anything or be anything. That bringing myself and whatever it is or not to the session is okay. If you still feel like you are going through stressful things, I'd say it isn't a good time to stop! I hope your T agrees with you.

Yeah, you're right. I don't feel ready to stop. We are already having one session every three weeks.

What makes you say that you are not sure?

Your T sounds pretty great!

I hope that she agrees.

I don't know. Maybe she doesn't want to work with me anymore.

I think it is ok to tell her you are not ready to stop.

I would just tell her that then. It's not that much of a difference, but maybe go to once a month?


As for the not being sure about your telling her all of it, it's mostly due to a bad experience I had in the past with that, but it was particularly complicated. So I doubt you'd have the same experience. But it also sounded like you were concerned about her reaction, so if you are, maybe best to not share all of it? I don't know, as every T and every therapeutic relationship is different.