[pixiedust72]

My therapist is for some reason really tough on me. I would call myself a very sensitive person generally but then also I have been dealing with depression lately. So some days I’ll go to my therapist and realize she’s in a certain type of mood where she’s more harsh than she is other times. Sometimes she’s really validating and gives me kind words of encouragement and other times she’ll say things that really sting. Like I was describing my suicidal ideation and how/why it really started. She responded by saying “so someone was mean to you and it made you want to kill yourself?” like that was ridiculous. (This wasn’t even the main reason I was suicidal, it was just a drop in the bucket and I corrected her as such).

I’ve talked a lot about how stressful my job has been and how it’s been really damaging my mental health. I was saying maybe it’s not the job for me and she was hell bent on me making it better rather than getting another job. Which I get but it’s frustrating to not be the authority on my own situation. Like I’m wrong for wanting to quit. I was saying I really struggle with relaxing after work and she asked how many hours I work, I said 25, and she was like “you definitely have time to relax if you only work 25 hours”. And then brought up how I’m going to have to figure out how to work even more than that since I’ve been talking about my money struggles. Which again is true but very, very disheartening. To me it’s like, if I’m already struggling at 25 hours there’s no hope that I’ll be able to work more and finally make enough to survive. The problem is that I can’t handle this and I don’t know how I’ll be able to handle more. She couldn’t see that at all. She has a very “suck it up and do it” attitude which I don’t like at all. At this point I’m basically just venting but why would she be so harsh knowing everything I’m going through. I don’t need to be talked to like that…

[RoxanneToto]

Is there any chance you can transfer to someone else? The sort of things she’s saying to you when she’s in ‘a certain kind of mood’ really worry me. It’s minimising at best. She’s maybe got things of her own going on that you don’t know about, that she can’t properly deal with. No excuse to be harsh on you, of course.
I’m very sorry about your job situation, and can definitely sympathise. Being able to relax outside of work certainly isn’t always about how much time one has free. If I were your T, I’d encourage you to make a change like my T does with me, though I get it’s hard either way. If you feel the need to change your job, is that something you can start making small steps towards, without T’s encouragement?

[pixiedust72]

Originally Posted by RoxanneToto

Is there any chance you can transfer to someone else? The sort of things she’s saying to you when she’s in ‘a certain kind of mood’ really worry me. It’s minimising at best. She’s maybe got things of her own going on that you don’t know about, that she can’t properly deal with. No excuse to be harsh on you, of course.
I’m very sorry about your job situation, and can definitely sympathise. Being able to relax outside of work certainly isn’t always about how much time one has free. If I were your T, I’d encourage you to make a change like my T does with me, though I get it’s hard either way. If you feel the need to change your job, is that something you can start making small steps towards, without T’s encouragement?

I pay out of pocket so I can easily transfer whenever. I’m just attached and have bonded a lot with this therapist. I have started applying and even interviewing for other jobs which is why I don’t get why she’s wanting me to stay at this job. I have some decent prospects.

[Favorite Jeans]

Sometimes we attach to people who are not very kind to us or good for us. Is that a possibility here?

[Rive.]

but why would she be so harsh knowing everything I’m going through. I don’t need to be talked to like that…

I would actually ask her that question, with curiosity rather than with blame or aggression.

Therapy is a space to express our needs (it doesn't mean they will be met but at least they could be explored) & boundaries (i.e. not being 'talked to like')

You express more dissatisfaction and upset than anything. So this 'attachment' will keep you stuck in experiencing the same. If she won't change, you can either stay and continue feeling frustrated with her OR you could leave and give yourself the chance to have someone provide you the support you need.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Rive.

I would actually ask her that question, with curiosity rather than with blame or aggression.

Therapy is a space to express our needs (it doesn't mean they will be met but at least they could be explored) & boundaries (i.e. not being 'talked to like')

You express more dissatisfaction and upset than anything. So this 'attachment' will keep you stuck in experiencing the same. If she won't change, you can either stay and continue feeling frustrated with her OR you could leave and give yourself the chance to have someone provide you the support you need.

These are really good points. I have a T who is generally more blunt and can be harsh at times. I've told him before when I just need support vs. to be challenged on something, and he will generally give that. When the pandemic started, I told him I needed him to be more gentle with me and to push less, as I was really struggling with things. And he shifted his approach.

I think speaking up for what you want/need (and what you don't find helpful or that is even hurtful) from this T is worth a try. If nothing else, you're standing up for yourself. If she's defensive and/or refuses to shift/change, then it's likely time to look for a new T, even just to try out someone else temporarily.

Good luck with the job search!

[ArtleyWilkins]

I had a pretty straight-forward therapist which worked for me - I'm pretty much that way myself. BUT, if that approach doesn't always work for you, speak up and let your therapist know. Even mine knew when to back off and handle things differently.

[coolibrarian]

You are the authority of your own mind and body. It sounds to me like your current T needs to see a T, if she isn't already. Like I said in an earlier post, "there are many Ts in the sea." Find a better one.

[Fuzzybear]

I also think that this therapist needs to see a therapist (if she is not already). It sounds like she has ''issues'' and maybe is using your attachment to her against you. I suggest looking for a different therapist unless she changes significantly. Some of what you have said is quite worrying.

[*Beth*]

My opinion is that it would help both of you if you bring the subject up in session.