Would it bother you

If your therapist was the same age as you? I am in my late 20’s if that makes a difference. I like her and she’s really professional but I just find it weird since I do not in general like or get along with people my own age. But I’m trying not to let it get to me. This is my 3rd session with her and I do really like her and we work well together. So I’m trying to tell myself age doesn’t matter

But would this bother anyone else?

It would not bother me. My therapist of 5 years is nearly the same age I am. It's great that when he references contemporary things, I can relate to them unlike with an older therapist. I was unsure when I first started seeing him that his youth would impact the level of his skills. However, he and I have grown together. He has developed new skills that benefit me through his continuing education and his own counseling that he attends.

L is about 4 years younger than me. The only thing that weirds me out is that I have maternal transference with her. Otherwise, her age doesn't bother me at all. I can see her in all aspects/roles: peer, cheerleader, teacher, therapist, etc. We have worked very well together for the past 2.5 years. Her age doesn't affect our relationship.

I've always had therapists about my same stage in life. I would not want a therapist too terribly younger than me, simply because a 20- or 30-something just hasn't had the personal life experience that I have as someone nearing retirement. It is something that matters to me.

Mine is 7 years older (me: mid-40s, him early 50s). I like that, because we have similar cultural references, have kids who are not too far off in age, are both starting to deal with some aging-related issues, etc. So areas where we can relate. I also think that it helps to keep some of the potential paternal transference in check. Though I had that for ex-marriage counselor, who was 12 years older, so not that much different (and I've dated guys 12 years older than me before). I had considerable (negative) maternal transference for my ex-T, who was around my mother's age (late 60s when I was seeing her). But, she also had some similarities to my mother in personality, so it may have partly been that?

I do think I might have trouble at this point with a T who is considerably younger than I am. Like if I saw one in their late 20s/early 30s. For reasons similar to what Artley said, where I'd feel they wouldn't have had enough life experience. But I really think most of it is about the connection, so if I felt we connected well, I think it would be OK, even if it was a bit jarring at first.

I saw your other post about this. Perhaps consider this as a opportunity to see how your ideas about getting along with people your own age could be challenged a bit. Sometimes learning our preconceived notions about something are perhaps not as black and white as we thought they were. There is more variety out there in people that we sometimes acknowledge or have had experience with. That's a good thing really.

My T is about the same age as me. I think it helps that we have a similar frame of reference for cultural issues. Also it makes me feel like we are equals (he isn't older and wiser, for example) and I prefer it that way.

Yeah my mom has been saying the same thing about cultural references. We both like pumpkin spice stuff while my last therapist was disgusted with it when I brought it up. We haven’t talked about anything else but food but I do wonder what else she grew up with that I also did. Also the risk for transference with her would be low since I have never been attracted to someone my own age. I guess I’m warming up to the idea of us being the same age. I know before I met my transference T I was going to work with a guy a couple years older then me which I thought was going to be great because I knew there wouldn’t be any transference involved the way there would be with a therapist who was 10 years older. But he wouldn’t take me on as a client since he didn’t know about autism. Then I met with transience T and what I was worried about did indeed happen. Although my hormones were pretty ****ed and the transference didn’t happen right away.

Good point on the equals thing.

It wouldn't bother me. My regular T is 7 years older than me, and my art T is younger than me. I like both equally for different reasons, none to do with their age.

I now have a T who is just a few years older than I am. All my previous Ts have been at least 10-15 years older if not way more. I like her a lot and feel like we work well together but it does kind of bother me that we’re close in age.

I’m not sure why. Maybe I have this idea that someone with more life experience is better. Also it will ef with my mind if I develop maternal transference toward her. I haaaate maternal transference so much and to feel it toward someone who is basically my own age would intensify whatever self-loathing I already associate with those feelings. (I’m aware that I have issues.)

On the other hand, there are things she has gotten about me immediately and with little effort on my part and I wonder if it has to do with us being close in age. Also she’s a good T. And I feel like that should be the most important thing.

I think it depends on the age differential and stage in life.

I'm in my 40s and approaching my 50s. I have a ton of issues surrounding midlife crises and transitions, aging, grief an losses due to disabilities and ageism, and racial traumas, so I look for anyone who is either the same age as I am or older. My current T is in her early 60s and very much politically aligned with me, which helps tremendously. My former T at a Vet Center in a different state was only in her late-20s. She was more well-versed on racial traumas than the older persons, who were likely not trained in that (nor cared to treat it), so she was okay for that. But she wasn't okay with all the other stuff that did require more professional and life experiences to benefit me. Therapist demographics and professionalism matter: Age, culture, political beliefs, any other biases that can enter the session.

But if I were of the geriatric age and needed help (e.g., if I were in my 70s and above), I would expect most of my T's to be younger, and I would prefer that they weren't close to retiring (regardless of age). I would need consistency, as there were studies on the mortality rates increasing when consistency with caregivers and visitors changed frequently or lacked. I wouldn't want anyone too young, perhaps at least in their mid-30s, so that they'd have enough life experience and professional experience in the geriatric field to be able to help me. This is what I look forward to if I ever make it to age 70. I'm worried about surviving for the next 5 years.

It probably varies from person to person.

It would be interesting if institutions have protocols to match therapists with new clients, such as those who do an intake before assigning a therapist. At the VA, they just assign you to the next available person. At other facilities, they might take a more evidence-based approach on what works in terms of the therapist-client dyad. But regardless of their formalities, you can always request a therapist that works best for you, such as a female therapist, a therapist who is well-trained in cultural competence, a therapist who is fully vaccinated against both flu and coronaviruses, a therapist who treats racial traumas, a therapist who understands and is trained with helping the LGBTQ+ community, a therapist with a certain political leaning, etc. The worst they could say is "no," but some are open to answering and providing those needs. And certain ethics in their fields state that they should be specialized to treat specific, complex disorders, such as CPTSD, dissociative disorders, etc.

I prefer Ts who are older because of the life expereices. My long term T was 20 years older. I am now in my late 40's so I would not want somebody that much older. Current T is 5 years younger yet we are in very different stages of life in many areas. My kids are all adults so was dealing with empty nest syndrome. Her son is 6.
There have been areas with my adult children that have caused me a lot of stress and l needed to find ways to help them. She has said they were adults and were responsible for figuring it out.
We discussed that if my childreen are seeking guidance regardless of their age it ismy responsibility to try to help regardless of their age. She agreed she misspoke and she was give mire book information because she has not experienced it yet.

I have dealt with losing both parents at a young age. Her parents are very much alive and healthy. There have been areas were we again had to discusd my point if view vecause if our different experiences.

We discuss the issues, she has been very receptive of my feedback. She also has learned a lot from it.

When I was first looking for a T it mattered considerably. I was looking for a mother figure. That was the work I needed to do. I don't think I could have done that with someone my own age. She actually has children the same age as me, and that's what I needed then.

Now, it doesn't really matter so much. That stage of my therapy is over and I am in a different place now. In fact, this phase of the work we may never have been able to do BECAUSE she felt like a mother figure. There are some things that are harder to talk to a Mum about I guess!?!

Sorry, I made that all about me, but maybe you can take something from it?

I wouldn't want a therapist the same age as me because that means they're not experienced. If I weren't in my 20's I would think I'd be okay with it. I need someone who's seen it all and won't be surprised by anything.

Yeah well it looks she’s turned into everyone else my own age. I don’t like them and I don’t get along with them. If I never have before I don’t know why I expected this time to be any different. But I tried and I’m not saying I’m going to give up on her but I don’t really trust her anymore after today. But I may just be being super sensitive and overreacting to the situation.