Couch 233: Nothing’s Ghana Stop Us Now

Hugs to you, Kit...

Although I read the book back when I was a teenager, watching Hulu's 'The Handmaid's Tale' is really hitting a nerve. Instead of a cautionary tale, it feels more like something that could actually happen. Maybe I've just become paranoid.

Well the book is actually inspired by real events. One is a dictatorship in Argentina in 1970s, babies were taken from poor people and given to elite. Many people still search for their lost family members. Then there were other reproductive health issues and control over women and their bodies all over the world, child marriage, sex trafficking etc.

Although it might not happen in all entirety, similar things did happen and are happening and could happen

Yes it’s very scary

I read Atwood’s sequel, “The Testaments,” last year. That one uses some real events from the Middle East (executions of women in stadiums, for instance). But on the whole, it is a much more hopeful book than the first one and the TV series, if that appeals.

Well, I mean, looking at some of what has happened in the past few years...it makes sense that you'd feel that way. I suspect reading 1984 now would have a similar effect, especially with all the technology that exists.

If you haven't read it, I highly recommend Atwood's The Blind Assassin.

I read “1984” last year too (I did a lot of lockdown reading). The technology didn’t bother me (too outmoded by today’s standards). Rather the way the language had been modified to support the state and how people were afraid to say anything different or step out of line...those had more relevance today to me.

I feel a little better today over the loss of IOP T. I'm not crying or anything. I thought I might start crying but it didn't happen. I promised her a month of no SH so I gotta keep my promise. I thought it was a good way to honor our work together but now I think what did I do? Argh.


I contacted the other IOP T that I saw when this IOP T was on vacation and asked her when we were going to have a session. This week? Next week? Just kind of want to know because I need to work it around my work schedule. So I am waiting to hear back. Waiting to hear back from T's can be torture.

Well other IOP T got back to me. At first she was going to schedule me for next week. But I was a little whiny and was like other IOP T saw me twice a week so she got me in on Friday. It's a weird time but I'll take it. Then we can discuss scheduling at our Friday appointment for next week. Whew. I am glad I don't have to wait a week or more for a therapy appointment. That's great news!

Hugs to all who want/need.

I'm glad she can see you Friday, Kit!

Got D's report card and really struggling right now. I knew it wasn't going to be good, but I guess maybe I wasn't expecting a bunch of D's, plus listings saying she wasn't making progress toward expectations. And her teacher saying she can read some stuff on a 2nd grade level (she's in 4th), but still needs one-on-one assistance or prompting to answer questions and things like that. She has an IEP (autism), and we're pursuing an ADHD diagnosis and treatment now. And I know that she spent a year in virtual school and did horribly with that (the school system also didn't give any grades below C's then). So I can try to think of it logically. But on a personal/emotional level, it's just really painful, and I keep crying.

On a sort of...funny? Not sure that's the right word. A *something* note, I'd posted in a couple local parenting groups seeking recommendations for child psychiatrists or psychologists who could do ADHD testing. D's former school psychologist (she changed schools this year) message me, saying she was in the group, saw my post, and hoped she wasn't crossing a line in replying. She suggested a few practices, one of which is the one where ex-T and ex-MC work. In my reply, among other things, I was like, "I'm familiar with [practice name], and my last T was actually from there!" Meanwhile, I'm thinking "nooooooo!"


I mean, if we had to go there for my D's sake, of course we would, but I'd prefer a different place if possible.

Definitely not being paranoid.

My depression is in full swing again. I am so tired.

LT, it can be hard to see those reports on paper even when you are aware of the realities of your child's life and challenges. Of course it's painful. I'm sorry.

On another note: WHY is any fourth grader even getting letter grades of any kind to begin with? It's so counter-productive. It hits my early interventionist/homeschooler heart right smack in the peeves. Letter grades in elementary school are ridiculous. It's not like they're building a transcript, and the focus should really be on what your marvelous little human needs to learn and the kinds of supports they will provide to help her learn it. More hugs.

Lonesome Tonight - I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles with your child. Is there any way to change schools? If not, would it be better to see about home schooling or having your child repeat the grade so that your child has a better chance at retaining the information while you look for a good psychiatrist and child psychologist?

I hope you are able to find one on your own or voice your concerns to the school and try to get a better referral.

Thanks, WFS. Yes, I think it's the difficulty of seeing them on paper (well, the computer screen--they only do electronic report cards now in our county). I tend to really struggle with IEP (individualized education plan) meetings, too, for similar reasons. I mean, they *have* to talk about her deficits in order to get her services, but it's still challenging and painful.

I think it's also hard for me because I was always a high-achieving student, mostly A's, gifted & talented program. The couple C's I got (chorus and PE), it was like this awful thing, and my mom went and talked to the teacher about it (got my grade bumped up in chorus). Meanwhile, H, who has ADHD, said he mostly got D's before it was diagnosed. And he's turned out fine, so it doesn't concern him on the same level.

Agreed on grades in elementary school. She didn't get them in first or second, then last year, due to the pandemic, the school system had a policy of giving no lower than a C to anyone. So this is her first opportunity to get D's, really.

Thanks, SprinkL3. She's actually getting pretty good services at this school (public school), and if she were switched to private, she wouldn't have the same rights to supports for learning challenges. But it may be something to look into at some point.

I do sort of wish she'd repeated the 3rd grade this year (she didn't learn that much due to it being virtual for much of the year, and she struggled quite a bit with it). She already repeated kindergarten though, and I think the school would fight us on having her repeat another grade (they seem to want to keep pushing kids through). But I worry about her being able to catch up to her grade level.

We can call for an IEP (individualized education plan) meeting to try to amend her services at any time, so we could always do that. She already gets some additional support in the classroom and is pulled out for things like speech therapy and social skills. But I'm wondering if we could look to get her a one-on-one assistant (issue is, I think they're understaffed right now).

Hi LT,

It sounds like you are doing the best you can with the options you have available. I don't think it would hurt to ask about one-to-one support, especially in light of the impact that the year of virtual school had on D.

If they're understaffed, they're understaffed...but you won't know if you don't ask.

My mom often used to tell me this story of a Swiss author that really stuck with me in terms of grades, and I'd tell it to my peers in primary school whenever they struggled:
The author used to be really bad in school, he'd have issues at home, struggle mentally and he got placed in the worst high school possible (our high schools have 4 tiers, you can move up and down, based on your grades). His grades were bad, he didn't enjoy school. Yet, he managed to become a well-known author that is famous around here, even if not abroad.

I know in the US it's a bit different due to your... questionable education system and the emphasis on a university degree. But grades are not everything in life, not by a far shot. They can help you get into more comfortable positions, but just because you have good grades does not mean you're smart, and just because your grades are bad it doesn't mean you won't get anywhere. The most important thing in the end is that you can find some things you enjoy in life, if you enjoy the things you do, you will probably be able to make them work in your favor and get you somewhere, including in the business life.

LT—Maybe private school isn’t for your daughter, but how about a private afterschool program targeted to children with special needs? Or a tutor experienced with autism?

I’m sure her current school does as much as it can, but it is likely understaffed, possibly underbudgeted, and probably has a number of other children to help as well, so services are stretched.

I don’t recall getting a letter grade until high school. Before that it was S/U. Maybe a 1-100 number in grade 8.

And to follow up on what CNS said, some of the most successful people in the US not only did badly at school but dropped out of college or didn’t even attend (Gates, Jobs, etc.).