Couch 233: Nothing’s Ghana Stop Us Now

I find scaling and polishing easier if...
Female dentist, female assistant.
They calmly tell me everything they're going to do and ask if that's OK for every thing. Only start after I grunt yes.
They stop asap where possible when I raise my hand. So I can sit up and breathe etc.
I wear dark blue sunglasses if they have some.
As the assistant moves around the suction tube thing, they remind me simply and calmly how to use it. Eg that I can close my mouth now and press my lips together on the tube until the water is gone.
They tell me X is fine, just Y and Z remains.

Make good trouble.

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I have been thinking that. And I have the advantage that no one is going to try to kill me over making said trouble.

Hugs/dignified head nods all around as appropriate.

Geez i spent HOURS on or waiting for the bus yesterday because the stupid Uber app wouldnt update my stupid account. In freezing weather. Hours last night and today trying to navigate their stupid app for help. Finally i just signed up for Lyft. Stupid. I just kept telling myself, at least im not on mt everest. Or Denali. Now THAT is a scary mountain.

I'm sorry you had so much trouble, Una, I hope you are safe and warm now.

Meanwhile, I am SO all over the damn place emotionally today. 3 hours ago I was feeling pretty good, I wanted to call L but instead I used the TED (The Empowerment Dynamic) triangle to get myself off the damn DDT (Dreaded Drama Triangle) and start feeling better again about the recent stuff with her. As of about 10 minutes ago, I want to call her again sooooo bad. Not to ask for a sooner session, I know that's no longer an option and I no longer feel welcome to even ask (due to my own stubbornness of course, and I totally get it) but just to tell her that I didn't start realizing the stuff in Sunday's email until I was driving home from her office on Friday. But omg she must be so totally frustrated with me right now to not even give a one-word response to my email. She probably wouldn't even answer the phone once she saw it was me. I suppose it's totally wrong of me to want her to help me with navigating this transition.

Today I feel alternately good and terrible about my decision to stop after December. I wonder what would happen if I just text that little bit instead of calling. Would it be wrong to call? Just to let her know that I didn't purposely not talk about the stuff I emailed on Friday, but that honestly it hadn't even started dawning on me until after I'd left? Why am I even worried/anxious about it? Ugh. Sorry to keep carrying on about this you guys.

Carry on as much as you need, Artie. We are all here to carry on or to listen to other people's carry on. This is the place for it.

Well, I called.

She answered, and it did not go well.

But we did schedule sessions this Friday and next Friday with the goal of processing the ending. So I am relieved about that at least, that I don't have to sit with this until next month.

Hugs, Artie, I'm sorry the call didn't go well... I hope that the upcoming sessions will be helpful. If nothing else, like you said, you won't have to sit with it for weeks.

I guess it was probably good for me to have that very uncomfortable phone call and see that I survived it without falling apart.

Me to Dr. T today: "Well, I guess I keep you on your toes." Dr. T (smiling): "Yes, you certainly do that!"

That's a good way of looking at it.

Necropsy came back: it was the medication.

Thanks, LT. It was really really hard to say yes that's what I want (sooner sessions to process the ending) after she'd said on Friday that I can't call and schedule a session sooner just because I feel like it. Maybe she forgot she said that?? I hope they'll be helpful too and that she won't just want to sit there and yell at me. Surely processing an ending is part of what she expects to do at SOME point with every client, regardless of how long she's been seeing them. At least now I only have to wait about 48 hours to find out if she's going to just want to yell at me. Or actually process the ending like I want to do. Instead of until mid-December.

Another good thing about masks: they can help hide when you're upset in public after getting a super-dismissive email on ADA matters from a previously-supportive dean.

Ugh, I'm sorry... What is wrong with people?

Oh wow... I'm so sorry that happened. Especially from someone who was previously supportive.

You know its coming down to budget.

Hugs, Scarlet. I'm so sorry.