First time with psychologist and I'm already afraid for the end

MyOnlyColor · Nov 02, 2021 at 12:15 AM

Hi there!

I've been against seeing a psychologist for many years. I would battle with myself constantly. Of make appointments and cancel them on the flip of switch.

One day the issues were becoming unbearable so I set in stone I'd force myself to do this and I have never felt so happy that finally someone gets me and understands me.

I got the ball rolling and went in and just spilled my guts. I had researched this person before making the appointment and felt they were someone I could be comfortable with and they are.

Anyway, even after day one I find myself so impatient to go back in 4 more days. Like I am super excited like a kid waiting for the end of the week. Someone finally gets me and has given me answers.

I am pretty worried about the end already. I'm sure over time I'll develop a pretty heavy trust/bond with this person because they're only 1 of 3 people I have ever said anything too and their personality being so warm. They're so amazing.....

I do not have any friends because of my issues I have always hated myself for being the way I am and hating those who did what they had even more. So having this person is very emotional for me too.

How does one handle the end of such a " psychologist - patient " relationship? I'm pretty worried about that and I always try to think ahead .

Thank you for your time.
It is so appreciated .

SlumberKitty · Nov 02, 2021 at 12:45 PM

There's a period of transition sometimes if the ending is desired by both you and the therapist. It is where you don't feel that need to go in in four more days and you don't have as much to talk about. But if the ending is abrupt or before you are ready it can be very difficult. My advise is to bring up your concerns with your therapist. Some therapists start planning the ending when they first start seeing the client. Others not so much. It would be helpful to see where yours stands on the issue. HUGS if wanted, Kit

Favorite Jeans · Nov 02, 2021 at 10:18 PM

Part of your work might include building up your life so that the psychologist is not the only person who gets you. It doesn’t make loss easier exactly, but it makes you more resilient.

ScarletPimpernel · Nov 03, 2021 at 02:03 AM

I agree with Kit. With both T and L we discussed the end pretty early on. T only did long-term therapy for 2 years, then believed that you should taper down and/or finding another therapist and/or take a break. She said that she'll always be my therapist and I can always go back, just not for long-term anymore. With L, we discussed our relationships length a lot. Once we both decided we wanted to work long-term together, we discussed what that will look like for us. With L, we are in it for the long haul. We say we have decades. For us, decades can include periods where we reduce down or even take a break. But my hope (and hers) is that I work with her until I feel all my work is done, and then continue for maintenance.

I also agree with FJ: many/most the time therapy is used to improve yourself and your life. It's a good thing to build up your life. It doesn't mean the therapist disappears. But it does give you more options and a more full life. (Not saying it's easy or not scary).

ChickenNoodleSoup · Nov 03, 2021 at 07:24 AM

The others have already given great input.

Speaking as somebody who forms pretty intense attachments themselves and has a huge fear of abandonment:
My T is pretty much the only person I can talk to about most issues too. I've been in therapy for five years now. Early on, I'd worry myself sick thinking about the possibility that for some reason I'd never see him again, whether it'd be because of him stopping to work, him kicking me out, him for some reason suddenly not being able to work anymore...
I generally struggle a lot with such fears, so it's been discussed at lengths in my sessions, especially in regards to the therapeutic relationship. By now, these discussions have helped me enough that I feel if anything were to happen, although I'd hurt for some time, I'd ultimately be fine and strong enough to either find somebody else to help me or go on on my own. To get to such a point might take quite a while, but with a good T you can talk about these struggles and make progress in that direction.

Catsrock · Nov 05, 2021 at 09:03 PM

I had a great doctor who I saw for about 30 years. He retired but we keep in touch in emails. Not asking too much, I don't think.

AncientMelody · Nov 16, 2021 at 10:10 PM

I get it. I form very strong attachments to women in positions of leadership in my life (you’d think it was like looking for a mother figure —but no, I have a wonderful mother. Maybe it has something to do with having a narcissist older sister though) Teachers, medical personnel

I have a stronger attachment than I would like to my doctor, though being that she’s my primary care doctor I don’t have a built in expiration date so to speak with our relationship the way therapy has. Of course she’ll retire eventually I’m sure

At any rate

Menu

My Support Forums - Mental Health Support Groups

Get emotional support and friendship from others like you!

First time with psychologist and I'm already afraid for the end

My Support Forums

Favorite Jeans Grand Poohbah Member Since Jun 2013 Location: In my head Posts: 1,787 10 1,819 hugs given	Nov 02, 2021 at 10:18 PM #3 Part of your work might include building up your life so that the psychologist is not the only person who gets you. It doesn’t make loss easier exactly, but it makes you more resilient.
	Reply With Quote

Catsrock Member Member Since Sep 2021 Location: CT Posts: 455 2 198 hugs given	Nov 05, 2021 at 09:03 PM #6 I had a great doctor who I saw for about 30 years. He retired but we keep in touch in emails. Not asking too much, I don't think.
	Reply With Quote