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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2006
Location: Washington
Posts: 1,395
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Jan 24, 2008 at 11:44 PM
#1
Hi All,
If a female has issues with men, do you think it would be more or less helpful to have a male therapist? Thanks, Okie __________________ 
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Elder
Member Since Sep 2006
Posts: 5,677
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Jan 24, 2008 at 11:56 PM
#2
My issues are with both sexes, so I had to make a difficult decision. I choose male therapists that do not physically resemble in any way, shape, or form any of the ones I had "issues" with.
__________________ Parce que maman l'a dit 
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Jan 24, 2008 at 11:57 PM
#3
I think it depends heavily on the type of client, and the type of therapist. I think it all has to do with chemistry between the two people, whether same or opposite gender.
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Legendary
Member Since Jan 2007
Location: U.S.
Posts: 10,383
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Jan 24, 2008 at 11:57 PM
#4
I guess it depends on what kind of issues they are. After 20 years of an unhappy and abusive marriage, I have found it incredibly healing to have a male therapist. Here is a guy who for one hour a week is actually nice to me! And helpful! Compassionate! Caring! I guess I must not be dirt after all. It's been great and has given me a bit of hope somewhere in the back of my heart and mind--that maybe someday, somewhere, I might actually have another relationship.
__________________ "Therapists are experts at developing therapeutic relationships." |
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Veteran Member
Member Since Oct 2007
Posts: 392
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Jan 25, 2008 at 12:01 AM
#5
whoever you feel you can relate to more. or whoever you feel you have strong, connected relationships with in real life. whoever you feel more comfortable talking to about your issues with men. whoever you feel would understand your situation best.
__________________ "...and everything is going to be okay." Poem from T. |
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Member
Member Since Sep 2007
Posts: 75
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Jan 25, 2008 at 01:22 AM
#6
Depends on the issue with men. If it is a sexual or body image issue, it might be easier to talk to a woman. I have a male T and we can and do talk about very intimate things. But I can see how it might be hard to talk about hating men with a man...
And if it is a trust issue, it might take much longer if you pick the gender that you don't trust. It might be beneficial in the long run, but only if you can tolerate it at first. |
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Pandita-in-training
Member Since Sep 2006
Location: Maryland
Posts: 27,289
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Jan 25, 2008 at 11:49 AM
#7
I had issues with my stepmother and found having a female therapist was best for me. So I could see that having a same sex therapist as the one with whom one has issues could be a good idea.
__________________ "Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
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Jan 25, 2008 at 12:01 PM
#8
Just try to imagine yourself relating and connected to both sexes. Which do you think you could reveal more to? Which do you think you could trust more? For me, it was obvious-- I relate better to men and couldn't even IMAGINE doing this work with a female therapist. I think it could go either way. Try to picture yourself in both situations and maybe you will naturally lean towards which you would connect better with.
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2007
Posts: 3,747
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Jan 25, 2008 at 01:04 PM
#9
I thought a lot about this issue. I get along and feel more comfortable talking to men than women. Even though I am confident in my sexual preference, for some underlying reason I do seen be a bit homophobic at times which makes talking and interacting with women a bit more challenging. However, some of my issues are related to my interactions with men. In the end I could not resolve this conflict. When I called for my initial appointment I simply took who the secretary assigned me and said it was fate. I'm not suggesting this approach but in the end, I think I would have encountered problems either way.
__________________ "Joy is your sole's knowledge that if you don't get the promotion, keep the relationship, or buy the house, it's because you weren't meant to.You're meant to have something better, something richer, something deeper, Something More." (Sara Ban Breathnach) |
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Pandita-in-training
Member Since Sep 2006
Location: Maryland
Posts: 27,289
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Jan 25, 2008 at 01:07 PM
#10
Actually, it's the individual T that should help make up your mind; if you don't "get along" with this one and feel you can work with them, you should try again, either with your pot luck method or some other (I, for some reason, chose professionals by their name? I have to like their name and the "vibes" it gives me).
__________________ "Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2007
Posts: 3,747
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Jan 25, 2008 at 02:40 PM
#11
My point was.. that my therapy is incredibly difficult mainly... because I'M incredibly difficult at times. Yes gender can matter, technique (CBT, psychoanalytical) can matter, fuzzy vs. all business personality, physical location, office personal, time of day, and a zillion other things matter. I struggled a lot trying to figure out if I was working with the right person or not. I think I would have struggled with this regardless of whom I initially chose. I was/am just fortunate enough to I have real choices. If I don't like her I can choose to stop or go to someone else. When ever I get upset or frustrated with the whole process (which is fairly often it seems) many of you here have gently reminded me that "I'm in charge" of therapy not the other way around.
My recommendation is make the best choice and work with it for a while. But keep in mind that you can always change direction if you want to. It may not be an easy change but in many cases it is possible. __________________ "Joy is your sole's knowledge that if you don't get the promotion, keep the relationship, or buy the house, it's because you weren't meant to.You're meant to have something better, something richer, something deeper, Something More." (Sara Ban Breathnach) |
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Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2007
Location: Some where
Posts: 1,320
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Jan 25, 2008 at 03:18 PM
#12
It's hard enough to find a T who is right for us let alone focus on gender. Unless the issue is one of sexual abuse on the part of the client then perhaps gender plays a bigger role.
__________________ My new blog http://www.thetherapybuzz.com "I am not obsessing, I am growing and healing can't you tell?" |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2002
Location: NW Arkansas
Posts: 3,734
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Jan 25, 2008 at 09:31 PM
#13
I always thought I'd only like a male therapist but now I have a female therapist and she's not that bad. I used to think I'd only want a male therapist but when I was in the hospital this summer my T was a female and now my new T is a female and I don't mind it as much as I thought I was going to.
Jbug __________________ I appreciate long walks especially when taken by people who annoy me. Noel Coward |
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2006
Location: Washington
Posts: 1,395
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Jan 25, 2008 at 11:30 PM
#14
Thanks for all the thoughtful replies.
I have one more question for you...I was wondering if perhaps if my issues are with men, that having a male T would be good to "practice" real life with. Does that make sense? Thanks, Okie __________________
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Pandita-in-training
Member Since Sep 2006
Location: Maryland
Posts: 27,289
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Jan 26, 2008 at 12:32 PM
#15
I found having a same-sex T was very good for practicing real life with. A T's responses are probably going to be different from the problematic men you've had in your life before, setting up a "conflict" within you as you try to figure out, "What is this?" :-)
__________________ "Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
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