How do you know your T cares about you?

How do you feel their care?

An example for me: I texted my T last night asking if he had any openings today because something happened that had upset me. He said he would unfortunately be out of the office today, but he would make time for a call tonight if I needed one. That felt like care to me because he was offering me something in a time where he normally wouldn't have scheduled a session or a call. I chose not to take that and emailed him instead (he responded this morning). Doing anything that feels above and beyond shows care to me.

But even if he'd responded to my text saying, "I'm very sorry, but I'm not available tomorrow," without the offer, I'd have felt the caring, because he seemed apologetic about it. And also because he's shown caring to me in other ways over the past year or two (been seeing him four years, but felt much more caring since the pandemic). I think for me it's a pattern of care, even if at times he doesn't come through when I want him to or we feel disconnected for whatever reason. Consistency. Making up for times when I've felt he's been lacking. And reassurance when I'm feeling doubt (even though he generally isn't into giving reassurance, but he's come to realize I need it at times).

That being said, I think that a client needs to be in a place where they can accept being cared about. It may take some work to get there, to get through stuff from childhood, to feel worthy of someone's care. To get closer to secure attachment from a place of anxious/preoccupied, avoidant, or disorganized attachment.

Consistency. Going above what I would expect a professional to do. Emails, texts (occasionally), showing her concern in many ways.

There are so many ways people show they care. Some are warm and fuzzy, others are tough love. I agree with Velcro about consistency. I'd add reliability and honesty too. There's also trust which goes both ways.

T is a little more tough love, while L is very warm and fuzzy. Both have shown over and over that they will not abandon me. They meet me where I'm at. They have showed up and stepped up when I needed them to. They worked hard to hear me, see me, understand me, and know me. They've also gone above and beyond: emails, phone calls, transitional objects, hugs, etc. T tried to do her best to get me closure with ex-T. L has helped in many aspects of my life including currently trying to get my insurance to pay her. We also have rituals. And it's not just actions. They say they care. L and I say "I love yous" after every session and phone call.

Awesome T shows it in so many ways… letting me hug him a little longer so I can feel it, sending occasional random encouraging messages, he shares with me about himself. Last week I was seeing art T and not him… but he came out of his office to say hi.

My T said last week that she was pissed at me about my med situation because she cared about me and she didn’t want me to be hurt. She said we were a team. I think her giving me a protein drink that one time and then taking the time to call the poison control center herself instead of telling me to go to the ER because I needed to go IP shows that she is somewhat of a decent and caring therapist even if she does have word vomit sometimes and says not exactly appropriate things.

It was pretty apparent. My three long-term therapists over the years were just the kind of people that were genuine and consistent and real. They were attentive to me in and outside of the therapy room. We've remained friends decades later. But even at the time, I never questioned their level of caring. It was just so apparent in our interactions. Hard to explain that - just something you know. I had therapists who I was pretty certain didn't give me much thought outside of session. They weren't mean or uncaring necessarily, but I was just that 50 minute session in their business.

Her absolute consistency, not giving up on me even though I've been seeing her for 10 years now, accepting me no matter where I am including that painfully long period of my extreme neediness when that was still a 'thing'. Her honesty with me, and 'real-ness'. So much more.

Thank you all for the thoughtful replies. It is very helpful for me to read your take on this. An inner knowing, consistency, verbal and/or non-verbal expressions of care, concrete actions, going above and beyond.. I am glad you are able to experience this from your Ts. I have to admit that reading your answers about what/how your T shows up for you has driven me to tears.

First she has told me a few times that she cares about me and my well being. She has always shown me she cares by being caring, compassionate and gentle. She has been there through some very painful experiences. Through some some extremely difficult times she made herself available outside of appointments.

She's consistent, honest and reliable.

My therapist really cares about me. This past week and a half has been extremely stressful for the both of us. She has kept intouch with me and letting me know as much as she can during this time. She has really taken the time to listen and to help me as best as she can. She is honest and truthful and has helped me feel more in charge of my life and recovery.

There's multiple things:
One, he has done things for me when I was in need. For example providing me with a double session when I really needed it, and increasing session frequency after that without me needing to ask for it first, he suggested it. Also, being able to have discussions about boundaries and changing them, apologizing and so on. For example he always said we'd have 10 minute phone sessions, but gradually reduced it to about 7. He never warned me of that nor discussed it, and when I brought it up he apologized and changed his ways.

Two, I most of the time only hear his voice, but it sounds truly caring and understanding. He respects when I speak, yet manages to get caring noises in that I do not think you could fake consistently over years.

Maybe I should relate the content of this thread (re definitions or demonstrations of care or caring) to my T!