What do you call others in therapy?

ChickenNoodleSoup · Nov 12, 2021 at 02:57 PM

Although I've been doing this for years, I've never really questioned how other people do it, so:

Do you call the important people in your story (abusers, partners, friends, family) by name or by their "function", i.e. my mom, my buddy from kindergarten, my best friend from high school?

I personally for no particular reason opted for the option of calling everyone by their function, though I don't normally do this with other people.

LonesomeTonight · Nov 12, 2021 at 03:06 PM

Interesting question. If it's someone I mention frequently, like my husband or daughter, I refer to them by their first name. If it's someone I mention fairly often, but wouldn't expect my T to remember, I might say (picking a random name), "my friend Katie" or possibly "my friend Katie from grad school" or some other qualifier. But for some, I don't use names, just roles. Like the teacher for whom I had what I now realize was paternal transference in high school (who really hurt me at one point), he's simply "the teacher." Or the guy I dated in college is "my college boyfriend."

ArtleyWilkins · Nov 12, 2021 at 03:33 PM

I just used names when it came to the major players which is what I was usually talking about.

Sometimes I might be talking about someone minor who probably wouldn't ever come up again and I might just describe them, but that wasn't usually the case.

ScarletPimpernel · Nov 12, 2021 at 03:35 PM

We use pretty much the same as I do here. Ex-T is Ex-T. H is either H or his name. Family is mom, dad, sister, stepdad. The dogs are their names. T is her name. People in the past are their names. L even signs most her emails with just L and address me in them by my first initial. I call L by her name.

SlumberKitty · Nov 12, 2021 at 04:51 PM

I mostly refer to people by their function. I.E. My best friend. Not my best friend Michelle. Or my Mom. Or my sister. Or my coworker.

atisketatasket · Nov 12, 2021 at 05:12 PM

When I first saw just the thread title, my head answered “Muggles.”

I call them by whatever is more convenient. If it’s easier to say “Joe” than “my colleague” I say Joe. If it’s easier to say “my chair” than “Brunhilde” I say “my chair.”

Except 2ex. He is not worth naming. Damnatio memoriae, etc.

ElectricManatee · Nov 12, 2021 at 05:26 PM

I use first names for most people. My T is relational and has a pretty good memory, so it seems important to her that she knows all the people in my orbit. She can keep up with me like 95% of the time. If it's somebody I mention rarely, I'll use a descriptor like "Taylor, my friend who lives in Japan." She briefly got my old boss and my current boss confused in our last session, which was pretty amusing because they are polar opposites and it changed the point of the story completely. But usually this approach works fine.

ArtieTheSequal · Nov 12, 2021 at 07:38 PM

I usually use first names combined with a reminder of who they are if it's someone i don't talk about very often.

unaluna · Nov 12, 2021 at 10:15 PM

My prev t made one of my favorite t jokes when this subject came up. He said, "I know you think im over here creating a data base of all your family and coworkers, but actually im playing video poker!"

Eta - i called my ex-h's the early mr luna and the late mr luna. I only wished the late (2nd) mr luna were dead.

velcro003 · Nov 12, 2021 at 11:55 PM

My closest people, friend wise, she knows their names. It’s like 3 people. My family is “mom, sad, brother, grandma…” etc. i finally started calling my co-worker by her name in therapy, bc i got sick of saying “co-worker.”

MuddyBoots · Nov 13, 2021 at 05:23 AM

If it's group therapy I'll refer to them by my relationship with them "my friend," "my girlfriend," etc. because people tend to know other people and I've been in a situation where I was in the same group as my ex girlfriend's sister. In individual therapy I'll say their names because it's easier.

Rive. · Nov 13, 2021 at 12:28 PM

I never refer to anyone by their names. I use a descriptive or function, instead

RoxanneToto · Nov 13, 2021 at 04:39 PM

Great question! I generally refer to most family members, dead or alive, by their role/function relative to myself (e.g. mum or dad, sister in law etc), but some are referred to by name, as are my friends.

Mountaindewed · Nov 13, 2021 at 07:02 PM

I usually call them by their role, my mom, my sister my brother, I refereed to a past therapist as my bigot therapist. If it’s someone in my past I’ll say this girl or guy or a staff I used to know. I usually call coworkers as people I used to work with instead of former coworkers.

SprinkL3 · Nov 14, 2021 at 01:01 AM

It depends on many factors for me. I'd like to say all of the above, depending. But I chose "It depends on the person." I switch it up a bit, and so do my alters. Also, because I have alters, I don't want to confuse my T more than she already is. I'm actually impressed that she's able to keep up!

divine1966 · Nov 14, 2021 at 09:38 AM

Depends. My husband by first name. My dad is my dad etc Some of my family members have ethnic names that people butcher or people simply can’t remember correctly so I often say their role instead of their name.

nottrustin · Nov 14, 2021 at 10:36 AM

If it is somebody I rarely talk about I refer to them by their role. If it is somebody I talk about frequently I start out with both such as my son Jared, my friend Tina. Once T remembers the names and roll, I will typically refer to them by name

feileacan · Nov 14, 2021 at 12:01 PM

I generally don't really talk about other people in my therapy and thus it is rarely necessary to refer to them somehow. I sometimes mention my spouse or children though and then I refer to them as 'husband', 'older son' and 'younger son'.

Jesla · Jan 21, 2022 at 11:43 PM

It used to be i used descriptors, ie my ex best friend, the teacher across the hall. However after 12 years my therapist knows all the names of my friends, and many of my relatives.

SummerTime12 · Jan 22, 2022 at 09:02 PM

The only person I refer to by name is my husband. Sometimes my therapist will ask for names of other people I talk about, and I do tell him, but the next time I bring them up I refer to them through descriptors because I don’t expect he’ll remember their names. I also purposely avoid saying names of abusers even though it gets complicated vaguely saying “the guy from when I was 15” and so on lol. I’m just not ready for that.

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ArtleyWilkins Magnate Member Since Oct 2018 Location: USA Posts: 2,787 5 7 hugs given	Nov 12, 2021 at 03:33 PM #3 I just used names when it came to the major players which is what I was usually talking about. Sometimes I might be talking about someone minor who probably wouldn't ever come up again and I might just describe them, but that wasn't usually the case.
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ScarletPimpernel Wise Elder Member Since Nov 2013 Location: US Posts: 8,405 (SuperPoster!) 10 6,399 hugs given	Nov 12, 2021 at 03:35 PM #4 We use pretty much the same as I do here. Ex-T is Ex-T. H is either H or his name. Family is mom, dad, sister, stepdad. The dogs are their names. T is her name. People in the past are their names. L even signs most her emails with just L and address me in them by my first initial. I call L by her name. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica
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SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Nov 12, 2021 at 04:51 PM #5 I mostly refer to people by their function. I.E. My best friend. Not my best friend Michelle. Or my Mom. Or my sister. Or my coworker. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
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ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,219 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,754 hugs given	Nov 12, 2021 at 07:38 PM #8 I usually use first names combined with a reminder of who they are if it's someone i don't talk about very often.
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unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 39,835 (SuperPoster!) 12 66.3k hugs given	Nov 12, 2021 at 10:15 PM #9 My prev t made one of my favorite t jokes when this subject came up. He said, "I know you think im over here creating a data base of all your family and coworkers, but actually im playing video poker!" Eta - i called my ex-h's the early mr luna and the late mr luna. I only wished the late (2nd) mr luna were dead.
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velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,361 15 25 hugs given	Nov 12, 2021 at 11:55 PM #10 My closest people, friend wise, she knows their names. It’s like 3 people. My family is “mom, sad, brother, grandma…” etc. i finally started calling my co-worker by her name in therapy, bc i got sick of saying “co-worker.”
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Rive. Magnate Member Since Sep 2013 Posts: 2,011 10	Nov 13, 2021 at 12:28 PM #12 I never refer to anyone by their names. I use a descriptive or function, instead
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RoxanneToto Grand Poohbah Member Since Aug 2020 Location: England Posts: 1,692 3 6,991 hugs given	Nov 13, 2021 at 04:39 PM #13 Great question! I generally refer to most family members, dead or alive, by their role/function relative to myself (e.g. mum or dad, sister in law etc), but some are referred to by name, as are my friends.
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Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,123 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,737 hugs given	Nov 13, 2021 at 07:02 PM #14 I usually call them by their role, my mom, my sister my brother, I refereed to a past therapist as my bigot therapist. If it’s someone in my past I’ll say this girl or guy or a staff I used to know. I usually call coworkers as people I used to work with instead of former coworkers. __________________ Ridin' with Biden
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SprinkL3 Account Suspended Member Since Oct 2021 Location: DELETED Posts: 2,752 (SuperPoster!) 2 10.9k hugs given	Nov 14, 2021 at 01:01 AM #15 It depends on many factors for me. I'd like to say all of the above, depending. But I chose "It depends on the person." I switch it up a bit, and so do my alters. Also, because I have alters, I don't want to confuse my T more than she already is. I'm actually impressed that she's able to keep up!
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divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,367 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,277 hugs given	Nov 14, 2021 at 09:38 AM #16 Depends. My husband by first name. My dad is my dad etc Some of my family members have ethnic names that people butcher or people simply can’t remember correctly so I often say their role instead of their name.
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nottrustin Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: n/a Posts: 4,819 10 375 hugs given	Nov 14, 2021 at 10:36 AM #17 If it is somebody I rarely talk about I refer to them by their role. If it is somebody I talk about frequently I start out with both such as my son Jared, my friend Tina. Once T remembers the names and roll, I will typically refer to them by name __________________
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feileacan Poohbah Member Since Sep 2016 Location: Europa Posts: 1,169 7 112 hugs given	Nov 14, 2021 at 12:01 PM #18 I generally don't really talk about other people in my therapy and thus it is rarely necessary to refer to them somehow. I sometimes mention my spouse or children though and then I refer to them as 'husband', 'older son' and 'younger son'.
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Jesla Member Member Since Jan 2022 Location: Nowhere Posts: 41 2 2 hugs given	Jan 21, 2022 at 11:43 PM #19 It used to be i used descriptors, ie my ex best friend, the teacher across the hall. However after 12 years my therapist knows all the names of my friends, and many of my relatives.
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