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View Poll Results: How do you refer to others when talking about them in a session? | ||||||
Everyone is referred to with their names | 12 | 37.50% | ||||
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Everyone is referred some defining attribute | 4 | 12.50% | ||||
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It depends on the person | 12 | 37.50% | ||||
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It depends on the therapist or state of therapy | 4 | 12.50% | ||||
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Voters: 32. You may not vote on this poll |
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2017
Location: In a land far far away
Posts: 1,575
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#1
Although I've been doing this for years, I've never really questioned how other people do it, so:
Do you call the important people in your story (abusers, partners, friends, family) by name or by their "function", i.e. my mom, my buddy from kindergarten, my best friend from high school? I personally for no particular reason opted for the option of calling everyone by their function, though I don't normally do this with other people. |
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SprinkL3
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LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2, SprinkL3
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,744
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#2
Interesting question. If it's someone I mention frequently, like my husband or daughter, I refer to them by their first name. If it's someone I mention fairly often, but wouldn't expect my T to remember, I might say (picking a random name), "my friend Katie" or possibly "my friend Katie from grad school" or some other qualifier. But for some, I don't use names, just roles. Like the teacher for whom I had what I now realize was paternal transference in high school (who really hurt me at one point), he's simply "the teacher." Or the guy I dated in college is "my college boyfriend."
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SprinkL3
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ChickenNoodleSoup, Quietmind 2, SprinkL3
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 2,787
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#3
I just used names when it came to the major players which is what I was usually talking about.
Sometimes I might be talking about someone minor who probably wouldn't ever come up again and I might just describe them, but that wasn't usually the case. |
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SprinkL3
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ChickenNoodleSoup
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,408
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#4
We use pretty much the same as I do here. Ex-T is Ex-T. H is either H or his name. Family is mom, dad, sister, stepdad. The dogs are their names. T is her name. People in the past are their names. L even signs most her emails with just L and address me in them by my first initial. I call L by her name.
__________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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SprinkL3
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*Beth*, ChickenNoodleSoup, Quietmind 2, SprinkL3
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
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#5
I mostly refer to people by their function. I.E. My best friend. Not my best friend Michelle. Or my Mom. Or my sister. Or my coworker.
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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SprinkL3
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ChickenNoodleSoup, Quietmind 2, SprinkL3
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Child of a lesser god
Member Since Jun 2015
Location: Tartarus
Posts: 19,149
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#6
When I first saw just the thread title, my head answered “Muggles.”
I call them by whatever is more convenient. If it’s easier to say “Joe” than “my colleague” I say Joe. If it’s easier to say “my chair” than “Brunhilde” I say “my chair.” Except 2ex. He is not worth naming. Damnatio memoriae, etc. __________________ The secret to eternal youth is arrested development.—Alice Roosevelt Longworth |
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SprinkL3
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ChickenNoodleSoup, LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2, SprinkL3, unaluna
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Magnate
Member Since May 2017
Location: Earth
Posts: 2,515
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#7
I use first names for most people. My T is relational and has a pretty good memory, so it seems important to her that she knows all the people in my orbit. She can keep up with me like 95% of the time. If it's somebody I mention rarely, I'll use a descriptor like "Taylor, my friend who lives in Japan." She briefly got my old boss and my current boss confused in our last session, which was pretty amusing because they are polar opposites and it changed the point of the story completely. But usually this approach works fine.
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SprinkL3
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ChickenNoodleSoup, LonesomeTonight, SprinkL3
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,234
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#8
I usually use first names combined with a reminder of who they are if it's someone i don't talk about very often.
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SlumberKitty, SprinkL3
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ChickenNoodleSoup, SprinkL3
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 39,864
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#9
My prev t made one of my favorite t jokes when this subject came up. He said, "I know you think im over here creating a data base of all your family and coworkers, but actually im playing video poker!"
Eta - i called my ex-h's the early mr luna and the late mr luna. I only wished the late (2nd) mr luna were dead. |
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SlumberKitty, SprinkL3
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ChickenNoodleSoup, LonesomeTonight, SprinkL3
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2008
Posts: 7,361
15 25 hugs
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#10
My closest people, friend wise, she knows their names. It’s like 3 people. My family is “mom, sad, brother, grandma…” etc. i finally started calling my co-worker by her name in therapy, bc i got sick of saying “co-worker.”
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SlumberKitty, SprinkL3
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ChickenNoodleSoup, SprinkL3
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,123
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#11
If it's group therapy I'll refer to them by my relationship with them "my friend," "my girlfriend," etc. because people tend to know other people and I've been in a situation where I was in the same group as my ex girlfriend's sister. In individual therapy I'll say their names because it's easier.
__________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. |
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SlumberKitty, SprinkL3
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ChickenNoodleSoup, Quietmind 2, SprinkL3
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2013
Posts: 2,014
10 |
#12
I never refer to anyone by their names. I use a descriptive or function, instead
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SlumberKitty, SprinkL3
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ChickenNoodleSoup, Quietmind 2, SprinkL3
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: England
Posts: 1,692
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#13
Great question! I generally refer to most family members, dead or alive, by their role/function relative to myself (e.g. mum or dad, sister in law etc), but some are referred to by name, as are my friends.
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SlumberKitty, SprinkL3
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ChickenNoodleSoup, Quietmind 2, SprinkL3
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,188
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#14
I usually call them by their role, my mom, my sister my brother, I refereed to a past therapist as my bigot therapist. If it’s someone in my past I’ll say this girl or guy or a staff I used to know. I usually call coworkers as people I used to work with instead of former coworkers.
__________________ Ridin' with Biden |
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SlumberKitty, SprinkL3
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ChickenNoodleSoup, Quietmind 2, SprinkL3
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Account Suspended
Member Since Oct 2021
Location: DELETED
Posts: 2,752
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#15
It depends on many factors for me. I'd like to say all of the above, depending. But I chose "It depends on the person." I switch it up a bit, and so do my alters. Also, because I have alters, I don't want to confuse my T more than she already is. I'm actually impressed that she's able to keep up!
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SlumberKitty
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ChickenNoodleSoup, Quietmind 2
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,369
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#16
Depends. My husband by first name. My dad is my dad etc Some of my family members have ethnic names that people butcher or people simply can’t remember correctly so I often say their role instead of their name.
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SlumberKitty
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ChickenNoodleSoup, SprinkL3
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2014
Location: n/a
Posts: 4,819
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#17
If it is somebody I rarely talk about I refer to them by their role. If it is somebody I talk about frequently I start out with both such as my son Jared, my friend Tina. Once T remembers the names and roll, I will typically refer to them by name
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SlumberKitty
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ChickenNoodleSoup, SprinkL3
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Poohbah
Member Since Sep 2016
Location: Europa
Posts: 1,169
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#18
I generally don't really talk about other people in my therapy and thus it is rarely necessary to refer to them somehow. I sometimes mention my spouse or children though and then I refer to them as 'husband', 'older son' and 'younger son'.
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SlumberKitty
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ChickenNoodleSoup, SprinkL3
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Member
Member Since Jan 2022
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 41
2 2 hugs
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#19
It used to be i used descriptors, ie my ex best friend, the teacher across the hall. However after 12 years my therapist knows all the names of my friends, and many of my relatives.
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Grand Member
Member Since Mar 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 876
11 601 hugs
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#20
The only person I refer to by name is my husband. Sometimes my therapist will ask for names of other people I talk about, and I do tell him, but the next time I bring them up I refer to them through descriptors because I don’t expect he’ll remember their names. I also purposely avoid saying names of abusers even though it gets complicated vaguely saying “the guy from when I was 15” and so on lol. I’m just not ready for that.
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