Being formal

In my language, there is a formal and an informal way to talk to someone. Kindof like saying "you" vs saying "Sir" or "Ma'm". I am usually all for informal, but in the two therapeutic settings I've been in, I lean heavily towards formalities, to set a distance between me and the therapist. Just wondering about your experience in this.

My language has formal and informal ways of addressing somebody as well. Formal is the go to when you don't know a person yet, and in certain settings (doctors, teachers, even your neighbors until you agree on informal). Therapy has also always been a bit of a weird one for me, on the one hand it would be like a doctor's appointment, on the other hand the guy knows me better than most and formal doesn't seem to fit fully.

I have opted for formal, but I think my T would not be open to first names basis anyways. Since I have been wondering about this in the past, I researched this myself and at least in my language and country, it's advised for therapists to stay on a formal basis, as you said to create certain boundaries and a certain kind of distance.

I will say that I don't feel that I'm any less close to my T over this and by now I don't think much about it anymore either. The only times it comes to my mind is when my T slips up and uses the informal way. Also, although we address each other in a formal way, I'd not say that this affects how we behave otherwise, we curse, we make jokes, use irony and my T sometimes shares personal stuff. Things I'd not normally expect when being in a completely formal setting.

I always default to formal until invited differently.

T never volunteered her preference. After about a month, she asked me if I knew I was her ONLY client not calling her by first name!

Well, no, I didn't know. Coulda filled me in.

Propably the same for me Gettingitsoon You're not alone. But I prefer it formally, distance is good, it feels safer.

I think this is it. It should be first and foremost about your preference. I speak English to my current T but have had previous ones to whom I spoke French and I called them all “tu.” But I think I’m kind of a “tu” person.

My T introduced himself as Dr T so, out of a deep respect I call him Dr. most of our sessions are extremely informal but I often use more formal language and always put the Dr before his name.
All my other T’s have simply used their fist names. Some of them I was very formal with and others not so much. For me being formal is either very intentional respect or disrespect OR I am simply mirroring.