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Grand Member
Member Since Jan 2021
Location: On a raindrop far, far away
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#1
In my language, there is a formal and an informal way to talk to someone. Kindof like saying "you" vs saying "Sir" or "Ma'm". I am usually all for informal, but in the two therapeutic settings I've been in, I lean heavily towards formalities, to set a distance between me and the therapist. Just wondering about your experience in this.
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2017
Location: In a land far far away
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#2
My language has formal and informal ways of addressing somebody as well. Formal is the go to when you don't know a person yet, and in certain settings (doctors, teachers, even your neighbors until you agree on informal). Therapy has also always been a bit of a weird one for me, on the one hand it would be like a doctor's appointment, on the other hand the guy knows me better than most and formal doesn't seem to fit fully.
I have opted for formal, but I think my T would not be open to first names basis anyways. Since I have been wondering about this in the past, I researched this myself and at least in my language and country, it's advised for therapists to stay on a formal basis, as you said to create certain boundaries and a certain kind of distance. I will say that I don't feel that I'm any less close to my T over this and by now I don't think much about it anymore either. The only times it comes to my mind is when my T slips up and uses the informal way. Also, although we address each other in a formal way, I'd not say that this affects how we behave otherwise, we curse, we make jokes, use irony and my T sometimes shares personal stuff. Things I'd not normally expect when being in a completely formal setting. |
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Quietmind 2
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Member Since Feb 2016
Location: Usa
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#3
I always default to formal until invited differently.
T never volunteered her preference. After about a month, she asked me if I knew I was her ONLY client not calling her by first name! Well, no, I didn't know. Coulda filled me in. |
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SlumberKitty
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Grand Member
Member Since Jan 2021
Location: On a raindrop far, far away
Posts: 871
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#4
Propably the same for me Gettingitsoon You're not alone. But I prefer it formally, distance is good, it feels safer.
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: In my head
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#5
I think this is it. It should be first and foremost about your preference. I speak English to my current T but have had previous ones to whom I spoke French and I called them all “tu.” But I think I’m kind of a “tu” person.
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2010
Location: Crimson cattery
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#6
My T introduced himself as Dr T so, out of a deep respect I call him Dr. most of our sessions are extremely informal but I often use more formal language and always put the Dr before his name.
All my other T’s have simply used their fist names. Some of them I was very formal with and others not so much. For me being formal is either very intentional respect or disrespect OR I am simply mirroring. __________________ There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night |
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