[okiedokie]

Hi All,
If a female has issues with men, do you think it would be more or less helpful to have a male therapist?
Thanks,
Okie

[MyBestKids2]

My issues are with both sexes, so I had to make a difficult decision. I choose male therapists that do not physically resemble in any way, shape, or form any of the ones I had "issues" with.

I think it depends heavily on the type of client, and the type of therapist. I think it all has to do with chemistry between the two people, whether same or opposite gender.

[sunrise]

I guess it depends on what kind of issues they are. After 20 years of an unhappy and abusive marriage, I have found it incredibly healing to have a male therapist. Here is a guy who for one hour a week is actually nice to me! And helpful! Compassionate! Caring! I guess I must not be dirt after all. It's been great and has given me a bit of hope somewhere in the back of my heart and mind--that maybe someday, somewhere, I might actually have another relationship.

[krazibean]

whoever you feel you can relate to more. or whoever you feel you have strong, connected relationships with in real life. whoever you feel more comfortable talking to about your issues with men. whoever you feel would understand your situation best.

[Flowerb]

Depends on the issue with men. If it is a sexual or body image issue, it might be easier to talk to a woman. I have a male T and we can and do talk about very intimate things. But I can see how it might be hard to talk about hating men with a man...

And if it is a trust issue, it might take much longer if you pick the gender that you don't trust. It might be beneficial in the long run, but only if you can tolerate it at first.

[Perna]

I had issues with my stepmother and found having a female therapist was best for me. So I could see that having a same sex therapist as the one with whom one has issues could be a good idea.

Just try to imagine yourself relating and connected to both sexes. Which do you think you could reveal more to? Which do you think you could trust more? For me, it was obvious-- I relate better to men and couldn't even IMAGINE doing this work with a female therapist. I think it could go either way. Try to picture yourself in both situations and maybe you will naturally lean towards which you would connect better with.

[chaotic13]

I thought a lot about this issue. I get along and feel more comfortable talking to men than women. Even though I am confident in my sexual preference, for some underlying reason I do seen be a bit homophobic at times which makes talking and interacting with women a bit more challenging. However, some of my issues are related to my interactions with men. In the end I could not resolve this conflict. When I called for my initial appointment I simply took who the secretary assigned me and said it was fate. I'm not suggesting this approach but in the end, I think I would have encountered problems either way.

[Perna]

Actually, it's the individual T that should help make up your mind; if you don't "get along" with this one and feel you can work with them, you should try again, either with your pot luck method or some other (I, for some reason, chose professionals by their name? I have to like their name and the "vibes" it gives me).

[chaotic13]

My point was.. that my therapy is incredibly difficult mainly... because I'M incredibly difficult at times. Yes gender can matter, technique (CBT, psychoanalytical) can matter, fuzzy vs. all business personality, physical location, office personal, time of day, and a zillion other things matter. I struggled a lot trying to figure out if I was working with the right person or not. I think I would have struggled with this regardless of whom I initially chose. I was/am just fortunate enough to I have real choices. If I don't like her I can choose to stop or go to someone else. When ever I get upset or frustrated with the whole process (which is fairly often it seems) many of you here have gently reminded me that "I'm in charge" of therapy not the other way around.

My recommendation is make the best choice and work with it for a while. But keep in mind that you can always change direction if you want to. It may not be an easy change but in many cases it is possible.

[lauren_helene]

It's hard enough to find a T who is right for us let alone focus on gender. Unless the issue is one of sexual abuse on the part of the client then perhaps gender plays a bigger role.

[jbug]

I always thought I'd only like a male therapist but now I have a female therapist and she's not that bad. I used to think I'd only want a male therapist but when I was in the hospital this summer my T was a female and now my new T is a female and I don't mind it as much as I thought I was going to.

Jbug

[okiedokie]

Thanks for all the thoughtful replies.

I have one more question for you...I was wondering if perhaps if my issues are with men, that having a male T would be good to "practice" real life with. Does that make sense?
Thanks,
Okie

[Perna]

I found having a same-sex T was very good for practicing real life with. A T's responses are probably going to be different from the problematic men you've had in your life before, setting up a "conflict" within you as you try to figure out, "What is this?" :-)