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View Poll Results: Have you ever brought up an unpleasant topic to your T? How did they react?
I don't know that I have 10 38.46%
I don't know that I have
10 38.46%
I didn't realize at the time and was made aware later 2 7.69%
I didn't realize at the time and was made aware later
2 7.69%
They told me but said they were happy to talk about it 4 15.38%
They told me but said they were happy to talk about it
4 15.38%
They told me they were bothered/needed some time to cope/needed to change topics 2 7.69%
They told me they were bothered/needed some time to cope/needed to change topics
2 7.69%
They ran out of the room screaming (or similar) 0 0%
They ran out of the room screaming (or similar)
0 0%
Other 8 30.77%
Other
8 30.77%
Voters: 26. You may not vote on this poll

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ChickenNoodleSoup
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Default Dec 06, 2021 at 12:18 PM
  #1
Recently, during some talk about fears and exposition, my T talked about being scared of snakes and how he managed his fear so he'd not flick to a different channel as soon as he'd see a snake or whatever. Now, a few months prior to that, I had been talking about wanting to maybe get a snake as soon as I had moved. I think they are kind of cute, and due to my partner not wanting anything that roams freely around the house and snakes actually being pretty content with a not so large territory.

At the time, he didn't say anything regarding being scared of snakes. If anything, he expressed some interest in how they are as a pet, I think we even talked about the logistics of feeding mice to them... I only realized he probably would hate the idea of having his own pet snake when talking about something completely different.

Wondering how that has been for other people.
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susannahsays
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Default Dec 06, 2021 at 01:40 PM
  #2
Other. I don't know for a fact how she felt about it and she didn't tell me. The situation was that a family member who was an addict but had been clean died of an overdose. This was obviously upsetting to me. I am aware, although she doesn't know that I know, that one of her children experienced addiction and also overdosed and died. I knew this before I even met her.

I thought about not telling her. But honestly, she says she works with addiction on her website, so to me that meant I shouldn't patronize her and assume she'd fall to pieces.

I won't pretend that I was as forthcoming with all my complicated feelings as I would have been if I hadn't known about her child. I'm not sure there's any reason for that other than not being a complete narcissist.

Maybe I just imagined it, knowing what I know, but seemed to me like she barely responded when I brought it up at my next session. Hard to describe what I mean. I guess maybe it was that she was very blank slate and didn't really seem to have anything to say on the subject apart from reflecting my statements back to me. That's not really a criticism, as I mostly just needed to tell somebody about this terrible thing that had happened and how sad/angry/shocked I was.

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Default Dec 06, 2021 at 02:50 PM
  #3
I've mentioned here before that one of my therapists didn't want to talk about vaccines and got very defensive when I asked her. Then last week the new strain of covid was too much for my current therapist.

Besides those 2 incidents therapists have been relativly fine and professional with any topic I've brought up.

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Default Dec 06, 2021 at 03:19 PM
  #4
I can talk to L about anything and everything. She'll answer any question I ask, and talk about any topic I want to even if it's about her. I've never had a therapist who is so open and honest. And she owns her own stuff, admits to it, doesn't make excuses, and works to earn my trust back.

I think, maybe, the hardest topic for her is my secret. She doesn't have much experience with it. No one does really. She's not uncomfortable or anything. She makes no judgments. I think it's just hard because it's unknown territory and she knows how sensitive I am about it.

Everything else though...she's a pro.

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Default Dec 06, 2021 at 04:09 PM
  #5
I also made a previous T uncomfortable by bringing up my dad’s alcoholism; she said she’d be ok to talk about it but it was obvious she was upset by it, as she had a close relative who was also alcoholic. I regretted saying anything and avoided the subject afterwards, even though it was affecting me in ways I didn’t fully realise at the time.
Current T has been made uncomfortable but mentioned it at the time, and said it was ok to talk about. I felt concerned, but tried not to skirt the issue this time (a different one than I’d brought up with the other T).
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Default Dec 06, 2021 at 06:07 PM
  #6
If something has made either of my therapists uncomfortable, they never said anything.

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LonesomeTonight
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Default Dec 06, 2021 at 06:40 PM
  #7
An example that comes to mind for me is when I found out that ex-marriage counselor's wife was ill (complex set of things that led me to realize this), then months later, when I found out she'd passed away (OK, that was a bad feeling and a google that immediately turned up her obituary). Both times, ex-MC was willing to talk about it, but he was visibly uncomfortable. He normally shared quite a bit about his life, but of course this was different. I regret now pushing him to talk about it as much as I did, but transference left me feeling like I NEEDED to talk about it.

And I suppose for my current T, Dr. T, he suggested before that talking about clients' transference or attachment to him can make him uncomfortable. And we've addressed that topic a few times. But he's also said since then that it's OK if he's feeling uncomfortable about a topic, that's for him to deal with and worry about, not me.
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Default Dec 18, 2021 at 08:43 PM
  #8
My T was uncomfortable telling me he was having a late-in-life first baby, because I lost a baby in the faraway past, and he is a sensitive soul. I did not help the situation by congratulating him appropriately then bursting into tears. We worked hard for a while to build a bridge.

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Default Dec 19, 2021 at 08:11 AM
  #9
I'm not sure I've made him uncomfortable in that way that I know of, but once I was moving house and talking about how fuxing awful my street was and then he said that he grew up on that street, lol.

Off topic but this thread reminded me of it...once I had an interview at a care home, and the manager spotted a residents file on her desk that had photos of their false teeth in... She screamed how much she hated teeth because her dad was a dentist and scurried out of the room mid interview!
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Default Dec 19, 2021 at 09:48 PM
  #10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lostislost View Post

Off topic but this thread reminded me of it...once I had an interview at a care home, and the manager spotted a residents file on her desk that had photos of their false teeth in... She screamed how much she hated teeth because her dad was a dentist and scurried out of the room mid interview!
Lol!!! I probably would hate teeth too if my dad was a dentist. I hate them SO much.
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Default Dec 20, 2021 at 02:48 PM
  #11
I am aware of a few topics which she finds personally difficult and sometimes I make a conscious effort to raise these topics in order to make her as uncomfortable as possible. This is one of my unpleasant characteristics which is on display in therapy. It is a defense response because I feel out of control; I am trying to gain whatever advantage I can.
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Red face Dec 21, 2021 at 01:21 PM
  #12
I voted other.

I don't think I need to be attentive to my therapists feelings about what I need to bring to session.

I lost a close friend to a disease that my therapists family had to deal with.
I still needed to work through my loss.
She didn't try to dodge the topic or make me feel uncomfortable
She did her job.
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Default Dec 22, 2021 at 07:40 AM
  #13
Is it just me or does anyone else feel that a therapist should be trained well enough to discuss things that are uncomfortable if its what the client needs? Unless its evil and like, seriously awful and criminal I say suck it up.

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Default Dec 22, 2021 at 10:05 AM
  #14
I think it's reasonable to expect a T to deal with their own issues in their own time and to not show being bothered during a clients session. I do, however, think it can be valuable for a T to let the client know under certain circumstances, though while being careful to not take away from the client's experience.
Also, while I think it should be that way, I'm pretty aware that it's not always that way.
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Default Dec 22, 2021 at 02:05 PM
  #15
I've always accepted that my therapist may have their own issues, coping mechanisms and boundries. Any uncomfortable feelings I have about bringing something up for discussion is on me. I've been uncomfortable many times, but only once did my therapist show any discomfort. She said it may be difficult for her to remain objective so she would focus on just listening and may defer offering suggestions for working through things. It wasn't perfect, but her honesty was the therapy I needed to receive.
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Default Dec 22, 2021 at 02:34 PM
  #16
They sell themselves as having heard it all and nothing can surprise them. I believe clients should take them at their word. Not the client's problem.

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Default Dec 22, 2021 at 05:19 PM
  #17
I once asked T about his pets, just because I like animals and like hearing about people's pets, and it turned out his dog had just died suddenly. I think it's fair to expect Ts to talk about whatever the client needs, but sometimes there's no point pretending that they don't have the usual life troubles or that they're unaffected by everything.
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Default Dec 22, 2021 at 06:34 PM
  #18
I voted "other" for a few reasons.

1. I'm 47 years old, and I've had many, many T's that could easily fit "all the above" and then some! For example, I once had a T get so scared of me that she called 911, left the room (not screaming though, but she might as well have screamed), and then had me taken to the psych ward. True story. We still worked together because I had "no choice," or so I thought. I was homeless, and I was waiting for SSDI to kick in. I was approved right away, which I wasn't expecting. It took 6 months, but I didn't have to deal with appeals or lawyers - thank goodness. Still, I struggled finding adequate therapy at the time. I was misdiagnosed many times for the stuff I brought up. It wasn't until I got properly diagnosed with DID that I finally knew the treatment I needed, and how to weed out the "bad therapists" from the "good therapists" and "trauma-and-dissociation specialists." More often than not, I didn't get a "specialist," but I did get someone who was seasoned enough with trauma work that they would be willing to learn and treat me for dissociation.

2. Most therapists these days are NOT in it for the long-haul. They'll see you for maybe upwards of 2 to 3 years, or maybe even 5, before they move, retire, get promoted, get shuffled around the VA system, or decide that you're "too complex" for them to continue treating you. I've had all this done to me sometime after stating the many things I was thinking, had experienced, etc. - much of which entailed trauma histories. Vicarious/secondary trauma can occur when the T is experiencing PTSD symptoms from hearing their clients. I can certainly understand their need to refer me out when they took on more than they can chew, especially when offering low-paying Medicare as a newbie therapist. I've had many of these that I had to just leave because they weren't a good fit for me all around. I didn't feel safe sharing or what I did share scared them too much. Honestly, I truly need a therapist who can be there for me for a decade or longer. I also need a therapist whose personality is very calming, caring, empathetic (not just sympathetic), and democratic in nature. I also need a culturally competent therapist who understands racial traumas as real, ongoing threats. Additionally, I also need a therapist who knows how to take care of herself so that she's not blaming me for her burnout or getting triggered by me (countertransference) because of some unresolved issues in the T's life, etc. For these reasons, divulging my traumatic histories and ongoing traumas can become too much for some therapists, and most culturally INcompetent therapists.

3. Therapists who are so politically and culturally different may not realize that they are mistreating, misdiagnosing, and/or neglecting you in psychotherapy. They might also go as far as gaslighting, minimizing, downplaying, or even psychologically abusing you in session if your culture and/or beliefs and/or religion differ from theirs. This is bias among the therapist, which should be an indicator to the therapist that this relationship is NOT a good fit. This is also the right of the client/patient to state that this wouldn't be a good fit either. This isn't about discrimination as much as it is about how different the psychotherapeutic relationship/dynamic is, and why it's NOT the same as just finding a psychiatrist to dole out meds or screen you for a diagnosis (though they can be biased, too), or a medical doctor treating a physiological or neurological disorder (though they can also be biased). In psychotherapy, the dynamic relationship between the therapist-client/patient dyad should be based on connection, transformative relationships, trust, and some similarities (not all). For minorities, this would be especially difficult to find and trust divulging secrets because of your differences from mainstream society, mainstream culture, mainstream race, mainstream beliefs, etc. But then again, with polarized politics and how that has infiltrated our belief system about vaccines, boosters, social distancing, cleanliness, air filtration, medical tests, and more, there might be situations where divulging information will reveal how different your T is, and how that could leave room for misdiagnoses, misunderstandings, therapeutic ruptures, therapy abuse, and more. It's important that we patients/clients/consumers identify our rights and our needs in therapy. If you can't be treated in one area, it's probably best that you find a different therapist that can treat the wholeness of you, not just bits and pieces that they are comfortable with. You cannot fully get treated if your T doesn't accept all of you and all that you want to discuss.
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Default Dec 22, 2021 at 10:57 PM
  #19
Quote:
Originally Posted by SprinkL3 View Post
You cannot fully get treated if your T doesn't accept all of you and all that you want to discuss.
L says she accepts all my multitudes. She has. She makes me feel seen and known for the good and the bad, my strengths and vulnerabilities. There is no topic off limits.

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