Couch 234: Ready, Set, Go!

I'll have to look those up! I do find that the person's voice has to be relaxing. I tried one once where the person's voice just put me on edge for some reason (don't recall the name).

As George Takei would say, oh my!
Yeah, i am funniest when i am miserable
I hope the winter holiday gives you some respite from this battle.

Thanks LT and Mobius. I fell back asleep on the couch watching an old episode of the cosby show and just woke up again. I'm feeling better, made the decision before I fell back asleep that I'm forgiving myself and moving forward. Continuing to beat myself up isn't going to undo anything that's already happened except one thing: if I continue this guilt spiral, I'll start overeating again, and gain back all the weight I've lost since July. I can't, I won't, let that happen. You're right, my son is a smart man, he knows that we didn't do it on purpose and that sometimes **** just happens. We honestly would not have left, if Rascal had been acting any kind of weird. He ate normally the morning we left, was acting like his usual self, so we didn't even consider he could be on his last few days.

This sounds a lot healthier approach Artie than the guilt you have been feeling. Rascal knew how much you loved him and he is somewhere safe and out of pain now. Maybe he went when he did to spare you the pain of losing him in your arms. Hope you can feel a little better. I know it is so hard. I miss my Esther every day. Still have the insulin in the fridge too.

Still no word from my T, Julieanne. I'm going to forget about it (if I can) this week, and text her next week. I'm now just really worried something bad has happened to her. She didn't seem like a flake but what do I really know about the woman after two sessions?

Art - what would you have done if you had been there? Gone to the vet? To what purpose. I think that letting a pet go peacefully at home is a lot better than hauling them places to be handled and so on just to be put down is not a better thing. I have only had a few pets who were able to go peacefully at home and I was very grateful that they could pass like that rather than me having to take them somewhere to be put out of pain.

That's really too bad—I would assume that something is going on that makes it difficult for her to answer. Phone lost or stolen, travel, family issues, something like that. Maybe try emailing instead of texting?

Thanks, yeah I am really at a loss. In 15 + years of therapy this has never happened to me before.


I know she has some health issues. She told me that when I started seeing her and she said sometimes it gets in the way. So I am worried about her health. Like maybe she is in the hospital or something. Some hospitals have really crappy reception and you aren't able to text or maybe she just is feeling that bad. I don't know. Or maybe she is just a flake and I didn't pick up on it in our two sessions. She seemed to be really engaged with me though.


Since I am not in crisis, I'm thinking I'll just let it go this week, as puzzled as I am. Next week maybe I will text first, since that is her preference, and then if I don't hear, I'll email. And if I don't hear, I'll call. After that if I don't hear I guess it's back to the drawing board and looking for a new therapist, again. I don't want to because I like her but this situation has left me non-plussed.

Thanks Kit and hugs back . I still have Rascal's insulin in the fridge too.

It's not as easy to just go out and get a job or go back to school. Maybe it's easy for those who are able to function in a job and/or are already in the work force. I have never held down a full-time job and I haven't had a job in 19 years. I was on disability and section 8 housing before I met H. I gave that up when we got married. It's not laziness or playing victim.

Thanks sd. You're right of course and in the light of day I understand that. Something about that laying awake in bed in the 3-4am darkness that makes thoughts go where they shouldn't, I guess. And it was the first time I have experienced that so I guess it was a little traumatic coming home and finding him gone.

I don't know whether any of these ideas work for you, Artie, but:

1) when I wake up at night and think about something constantly, I try to get up for like 30 minutes, first write down whatever is in my head (so tomorrow morning I can read it back, maybe it was important and maybe just bad thoughts) and then do something that distracts, like read a book, drink a cup of tea... I find that writing it down helps me a lot, also in the evening when I know there's stuff that will otherwise be on my mind.

2) maybe for the time being set aside a certain time each day where you consciously remind yourself of all the good times you had together? Maybe light a candle during it, listen to a song he liked, something like that.


And I think you're aware of this already and everyone has told you here too, but I also want to add, it's not your fault you were gone and lots of animals actually prefer dying alone. Rabbits are the same way for example and two of mine died while I wasn't around, for the third one my parents were gone (and he tried to hide from me, though as a kid I didn't understand and tried to get him to come out). I think in theory this would even make it easier for others, you can remember them the way they were before, not the things that happen in the end. Just because you weren't there in the final moment doesn't mean you didn't care or he thought you abandoned him. He probably thought of all the nice things he experienced with you guys.

Guinea pigs are similar to rabbits in hiding illness (as prey animals) and dying alone. Of the three I've had that have passed, two died while alone (one while I was at work). The other, who was young and had a heart condition, seemed like he held on until we were there. All the deaths were difficult for me, in different ways. I hope the two I have now are with me for a long time (well, long for guinea pigs--they tend to have a life span of 5-8 years, and mine are 2 years old).

And Rascal was likely doing what came naturally to him (of course cats aren't prey animals, but they are animals and follow certain instincts). I agree that he probably was thinking of all the nice moments with you.

Thanks CNS and LT.

Getting ready to head to L's for our final session. Pretty sure I'm not gonna mention Rascal. I don't want today to be overly-sad talking about it and for the most part I'm doing okay anyway (well in the daylight). Unless she says she can tell there's something I'm not telling her which is entirely likely she reads me too well.

I should have bought one of those "ugly sweaters" they have in the stores this time of year to wear today. Ha.

"Here goes nothin" as the saying goes...

Good luck, Artie!

I finally heard from Julieanne. She said she had sent a text, well she typed it out, and then forgot to hit send. So she was glad that I texted her today. I texted her to see that she was alright. I told her if we didn't have the session it was okay. So now we have the session tomorrow night at 6 PM.

My pdoc is going to send me a letter for Jury Duty .With hallucinations all the time I don't think I should be serving on a jury. The practice manager is actually going to take care of it.

I'm glad you heard back and will be seeing her. I've done that with texts, too!

Artie, I hope your last session with L goes/is going/went well!

Mental health strikes me as a perfectly valid reason to avoid jury duty.