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Default Jan 14, 2022 at 04:00 PM
  #721
My cats don't like being picked up. Stormy tolerates it the most, he's so laid-back, but you couldn't really call him a lap cat either. Penelope, we can pick her up only occasionally and even then it's for only a very short time.



I'm thinking about L right now cuz it's 4 weeks ago at this time that we were saying goodbye. I'm missing her less, but still more than I'd hoped by this point. I'm trying to remember that I just have to give myself however much time and grace that it takes. I started working on that writing course again that I got awhile back, the DailyOM "A year of writing to uncover the authentic self". It's a year of weekly writing prompts. Not spending too much time with it just yet since I'm working so much but plan to deep-dive into it once our overtime is done.
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Default Jan 14, 2022 at 04:02 PM
  #722
I love that you are giving yourself time and grace, Artie. Great job being self compassionate and self caring! Way to go, girl!

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Default Jan 14, 2022 at 04:07 PM
  #723
Crocheting more butterflies too. I did a drop of a few of them at the grocery store this morning, in little baggies with a poem attached. It made me feel happy inside, the thought of someone I don't know finding one of them and it brightening their day a little. I'm loving the facebook group, "Random Acts of Crochet Kindness USA" and seeing all the cute little things people make to drop at random places for strangers to find. I'm hooked on the butterflies right now but there's SO many other things I could make people do these curly little "worry worms", and pocket hugs, and smiley-faces, and hearts, all kinds of little things. I'm so happy I stumbled upon the group. Here's my latest butterfly:
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Default Jan 14, 2022 at 04:08 PM
  #724
Dealing with some (okay, okay, a lot of) paranoia today.

Not sure if it is my OCD tendencies (I haven't been officially diagnosed with OCD but a couple of therapists have brought it up as a possible diagnosis) as it relates to religion, or if it is my Schizoaffective acting up. I don't know that it matters except I seem to be ruminating in the paranoia. I might write Pastor T and get his advice.

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Default Jan 14, 2022 at 04:08 PM
  #725
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I love that you are giving yourself time and grace, Artie. Great job being self compassionate and self caring! Way to go, girl!

Thanks, Kit.
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Default Jan 14, 2022 at 04:08 PM
  #726
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Dealing with some (okay, okay, a lot of) paranoia today.

Not sure if it is my OCD tendencies (I haven't been officially diagnosed with OCD but a couple of therapists have brought it up as a possible diagnosis) as it relates to religion, or if it is my Schizoaffective acting up. I don't know that it matters except I seem to be ruminating in the paranoia. I might write Pastor T and get his advice.

Hugs, Kit. I'm sorry you're dealing with that. I hope that Pastor T is helpful.
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Default Jan 14, 2022 at 04:18 PM
  #727
My sister had a nail party for a company called Color Street or something like that. I don't do my nails much. (Kind of a tom boy, though I am very much a girl.) I ordered from the party to help my sister out and the lady that sells them but I ordered six for my sister and two (black) for me just in case I ever feel like actually doing my nails! Of course the nail lady contacted me and was all like, oh I see you got your delivery! I hope you love them! I can set up your own party for you! I was like, um, no thanks. I explained a bit like I did here and told her I bought because my sister hosted the party but I can't even think of five friends to ask to come to such a party. So she thanked me for my honesty but I still feel like kind of a crappy customer. Guilt! UGH. Paranoia, guilt, not a great day for me!

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Default Jan 14, 2022 at 04:20 PM
  #728
I need to get outside of my own head. Thoughts going round and round. Aftercare last night was on self care. Maybe I can do something from that list and get to feeling better.

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Default Jan 14, 2022 at 04:43 PM
  #729
Hugs, Kit. Contacting Pastor T seems like a good idea. And could you ask Julieanne for a session next week, like she offered? Also, no need to feel guilty about the ColorStreet thing. If you're not into doing your nails (I'm not either!), don't feel like you should have a party or buy more products.
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Default Jan 14, 2022 at 04:53 PM
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Thanks LT. I'll think about asking Julieanne this weekend. (I'll see how the paranoia and guilt goes.) I know she will fit me in. Thing is I already have work, plus four religious classes (two at night on the workdays and one on Saturday and one on Sunday) plus I have aftercare Thursday night and Spiritual Direction Friday night. So I feel like my week is really full. But I don't want to relapse or panic or spiral or anything like that. I just want to stop ruminating!

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Default Jan 14, 2022 at 04:55 PM
  #731
You are worthy of support regardless of your busy schedule, Kit. You deserve to care for yourself first and foremost. HUGS if wanted.

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Default Jan 14, 2022 at 05:03 PM
  #732


hugs, Kit.
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Default Jan 14, 2022 at 05:05 PM
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You are worthy of support regardless of your busy schedule, Kit. You deserve to care for yourself first and foremost. HUGS if wanted.
Thanks Lost......Tears!


Hugs always appreciated!

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Default Jan 14, 2022 at 05:25 PM
  #734
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Also, no need to feel guilty about the ColorStreet thing. If you're not into doing your nails (I'm not either!), don't feel like you should have a party or buy more products.
I second this. Color Street is an MLM and you're probably doing this person a favor in the long run by not supporting it.
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Default Jan 14, 2022 at 05:38 PM
  #735
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We were talking about birthdays in session today, as mine is at the end of this month. Dr. T was saying how his sister-in-law celebrates hers the entire month, treating herself to things, saying (all month) that she's having "birthday wine," etc. He said for him, he just marks off 2 weeks of depression around the day on his calendar. I asked if he shaded the weeks in blue, and he said he puts a different sad-face emoji on each day.

I'm pretty sure he was joking about the emojis, but the other part felt like a disclosure. Especially because from some things he's said, he struggles with the idea and side effects of aging.
If you don't want the disclosure, you could shut it down. Visa has an annoying habit of dropping stuff on me (like she's autistic, upset about her recent weight gain, has a daughter who needs a psychiatrist) and I just refuse to take the bait and ignore whatever it is or don't respond or don't acknowledge it at all. (It is one of Info's better points that she generally doesn't disclose very much, the dwarf brother being an exception.)

I mean, yes, it's their job not to disclose unless it's therapeutic, but we can also stonewall them. It's really just more evidence of wilyness on their part imo.

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Default Jan 14, 2022 at 05:44 PM
  #736
I just ignored them when they interrupted with stuff about themselves. I wasn't interested in their lives.

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Default Jan 14, 2022 at 06:45 PM
  #737
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I haven't noticed any of my pets having trouble training me. I seem to be quite biddable where they are concerned
Thereby proving cats and dogs are smarter than therapists!

I start noting my birthday a month before. Otherwise it gets away from me. I try to do positive changes. Like maybe start showering this year.
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Default Jan 14, 2022 at 06:51 PM
  #738
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If you don't want the disclosure, you could shut it down. Visa has an annoying habit of dropping stuff on me (like she's autistic, upset about her recent weight gain, has a daughter who needs a psychiatrist) and I just refuse to take the bait and ignore whatever it is or don't respond or don't acknowledge it at all. (It is one of Info's better points that she generally doesn't disclose very much, the dwarf brother being an exception.)

I mean, yes, it's their job not to disclose unless it's therapeutic, but we can also stonewall them. It's really just more evidence of wilyness on their part imo.
Thanks, @@. It's one of those things where part of me wants the disclosure, for the connection part, but then another part of me wonders if it's a bad thing for me. He's definitely been disclosing more lately, but much of it seems to be therapeutic rather than random stuff. Things along the lines of "I've also experienced/felt that as a parent." Saying he has similar concerns about Covid, etc.

Though there have been some really random things, like talking about how he and his wife had made the New Year's resolution to cook something new each week, then mentioning what he'd cooked that week. That was in the context of my talking about the New Year and resolutions, but it still seemed like more of a disclosure than needed? But also not something that would affect me in the way that, say, ex-MC going into detail about times he helped each of his kids work through their anxiety issues (in some cases after he knew I had paternal transference and had struggled with anxiety as a kid).

The birthday thing would have been different if I'd initially shared that I always feel depressed around my birthday, I think. I mean, he does know I struggle with my birthday some, but this was shared in the context of me mentioning my birthday and his saying "That's in about two weeks, right?" (I'd just mentioned it recently.)

So I'm just trying to be aware of how I'm reacting, both in the moment and later. And if it's starting to affect me in some way, then bring it up. Or if it seems like too much in the moment, putting a stop to it. Even if it's just saying, "So there's this other topic I want to discuss."
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Default Jan 14, 2022 at 07:43 PM
  #739
Another variegated one.
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Default Jan 14, 2022 at 07:48 PM
  #740
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Thereby proving cats and dogs are smarter than therapists!

I start noting my birthday a month before. Otherwise it gets away from me. I try to do positive changes. Like maybe start showering this year.
Cats and dogs are a thousand times better.

Plus I rarely believed the therapist babble was true - I think they make up stuff and pass it off as personal.

I think we can all support you in your personal hygiene quest. Perhaps once a month if not weekly?

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