Couch 234: Ready, Set, Go!

comrademoomoo · Jan 17, 2022 at 02:10 PM

I have just been notified that my union's recent ballot about strike action has met the threshold to take strike action. My spirits have lifted considerably. I love a strike. I support the basis of the strike (pensions) but I love time away from work even more. It's like a second Christmas! I hope it isn't called off, I will be heartbroken.

SlumberKitty · Jan 17, 2022 at 02:24 PM

My T texted just to check in I suppose. It was a little random but it was very nice. I sent her back a longish text. Probably more than she needed to know. I wanted to tell her that although I am struggling I am managing. Did I put it so succinctly? Nope, not at all. So she'll have to read through a paragraph to get to that point.

susannahsays · Jan 17, 2022 at 03:14 PM

I wish I had a union and I was going on strike. But only if I could do that from my bed.

Sometimes I wish I could just avoid dealing with clients. Like have a people person deal with them and I could stick with the software side. Of course, some clients are nice to work with. The ones that are engaged and invested.

Had a client angrily accuse me of being a communist last week as his greeting. What a first impression.

I guess it does make me feel better about my own communication skills, which I usually feel are somewhat substandard.

ArtieTheSequal · Jan 17, 2022 at 04:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Why force yourself to be or feel what you are not? Seriously. Let it out.

I dunno. Maybe because it's no fun being a sponge bob crabby pants and I still obviously care way too much about what other people think of me.

Otherwise explained using smilies:

in the words of L, I'm a romantic, remember? I want life to be a hallmark movie. Ha.

ArtieTheSequal · Jan 17, 2022 at 04:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by susannahsays

I wish I had a union and I was going on strike. But only if I could do that from my bed.

Sometimes I wish I could just avoid dealing with clients. Like have a people person deal with them and I could stick with the software side. Of course, some clients are nice to work with. The ones that are engaged and invested.

Had a client angrily accuse me of being a communist last week as his greeting. What a first impression.

I guess it does make me feel better about my own communication skills, which I usually feel are somewhat substandard.

That client sounds like one of my callers the other day.

ArtieTheSequal · Jan 17, 2022 at 04:16 PM

i think it's a leftover survival mechanism from childhood, trying to always be a happy, pleasing person so I could also be invisible.

susannahsays · Jan 17, 2022 at 05:46 PM

My psychiatrist said to pick a small area every day to clean and send her the before and after pictures. This has actually been helpful because my problem is my depression and lack of motivation are greater than my concern that I've mistaken my house for a dumpster. Actually, it would probably be more accurate to say I've launched my own recycling center, with the dumpster area confined to my refrigerator.

My psychiatrist is better than my therapist about her expectations. The therapist helped me some with this problem, but her expectations were a lot higher and she would always try to tack on extra tasks. And when I expressed how overwhelming I found trying to clean everything, she seemed skeptical.

I've forgotten where I was going with this. How annoying.

SlumberKitty · Jan 17, 2022 at 05:49 PM

I'm going to talk to Julieanne Monday next week instead of Friday next week. So a little sooner. It will only be two weeks until I see her (well "see" her via Zoom) instead of almost three weeks.

SlumberKitty · Jan 17, 2022 at 05:49 PM

My coworker said I looked tired. Hmmm. I don't feel particularly tired. I hope he didn't mean tired as in you look old. Lol.

atisketatasket · Jan 17, 2022 at 05:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

I dunno. Maybe because it's no fun being a sponge bob crabby pants and I still obviously care way too much about what other people think of me.

Otherwise explained using smilies:

in the words of L, I'm a romantic, remember? I want life to be a hallmark movie. Ha.

I think what people respond to best is sincerity. If someone is sincerely happy (or angry, or nice, or frustrated), there's a different reaction to them than to someone who's claiming to be happy (or angry, or nice, or frustrated) but really isn't.

That's just my conclusion from observing my reactions to others and how others react to me, whether I or they are being sincere or insincere. And I feel better when I'm not being insincere.

Childhood doesn't really have anything to do with it anymore. What matters is now. So if you want to be crabby and that's more real, then be crabby.

The Tao of ATAT.

susannahsays · Jan 17, 2022 at 05:51 PM

I doubt he meant you look old, SK. Unless he has a history of making catty remarks.

SlumberKitty · Jan 17, 2022 at 05:53 PM

Susannah, I find cleaning overwhelming. I did manage to change my sheets on Saturday. Even though I myself stayed in my pj's all day and watched Hallmark Movies and Mysteries. This was still a big win because my sheets needed to get washed. I did not however, work on any artwork which was my goal.

SlumberKitty · Jan 17, 2022 at 05:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by susannahsays

I doubt he meant you look old, SK. Unless he has a history of making catty remarks.

Thanks, Susannah. I think I'm freaking out a bit because my DAD is turning 70 this year! How can my Dad who is this ultra-cool guy be turning 70?!! I'm throwing him, with my sister's help, a big party, depending on Covid. We've never really had a big party for him. I think he's a bit embarrassed by the fuss but if we can pull it off with Covid it will be a grand old time.

If I can't throw him a big party, I'll do something else spectacular. I just don't know what yet. I took him (and my Mom) to Disneyland last year and stayed in the Disneyland Hotel, and then in December I took my Dad to the Rams/Seahawks game (go Rams!) so I don't know how to top myself!!

susannahsays · Jan 17, 2022 at 06:01 PM

I find dads are difficult to get presents for. My dad is, anyway. At least now he has a fiancee I can pester to give me ideas.

SlumberKitty · Jan 17, 2022 at 06:05 PM

Yes, my Dad is difficult to shop for too. Unless he can tell me something specific he wants. Like last year he wanted some sort of tool thing. Like a generator? Kind of. I don't really know what it is that I bought him. He found it online and was like, this is what I want. So I bought it. But I still don't really know what it does. So far this year I got him a Rams cap, a Rams shirt, and a lightweight jacket for Church. All boring stuff. The big thing is supposed to be the party. I just hope Covid cools down for a couple of weeks so we can have the party!

susannahsays · Jan 17, 2022 at 06:20 PM

My dad rarely says what he wants. I don't know why. Well, maybe because when he wants something he doesn't wait around for his birthday, father's day, or Christmas. The last couple of years, I just got him something random. Like he was talking about doing a veggie garden in the spring, so I got him some gardening tools he'll probably never use. Year before that I got him a sous vide thingy because stopdog mentioned hers and it seemed like something he'd like. I give him Amazon Prime every year for his birthday, and I know he uses that, so that's one gift I don't have to think about.

SlumberKitty · Jan 17, 2022 at 06:23 PM

Yeah, I wish my Dad would keep an Amazon wish list so I could just shop off of that!

LonesomeTonight · Jan 17, 2022 at 06:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by susannahsays

My psychiatrist said to pick a small area every day to clean and send her the before and after pictures. This has actually been helpful because my problem is my depression and lack of motivation are greater than my concern that I've mistaken my house for a dumpster. Actually, it would probably be more accurate to say I've launched my own recycling center, with the dumpster area confined to my refrigerator.

My psychiatrist is better than my therapist about her expectations. The therapist helped me some with this problem, but her expectations were a lot higher and she would always try to tack on extra tasks. And when I expressed how overwhelming I found trying to clean everything, she seemed skeptical.

I've forgotten where I was going with this. How annoying.

I was actually talking to my T some today about organizing and reducing clutter. He said he'd probably have trouble working in the room in which we were meeting, based on what he could see, due to all the clutter.. Me: "Oh, this is nothing, compared to the rest of the house." And I said how I knew depression was causing me to struggle with cleaning because it felt like an overwhelming task.

I think lower expectations are better with things like this. Just taking some small step is better than nothing at all. The idea of pictures is a good one (though I fear my T would recoil in horror at some of the piles in my living room). Maybe it would help me to try that, too? Or even if I just use the pictures for myself?

ScarletPimpernel · Jan 17, 2022 at 07:03 PM

I'm usually decent at cleaning and organizing. It's hard though when you live with two guys who are too lazy to even put trash in a trash bag...

But lately I've been so tired. I think I might be in a depression. And getting my booster on Friday wiped me out for the weekend. So my house is a huge mess! I start things, and don't finish. I have a half loaded dishwasher, clothes that have been sitting in both the washer and dryer, dog hair all over the floor, and trash piling up in the kitchen. Good thing management hasn't asked to come over...

susannahsays · 07:49 PM

LT, maybe it would help, though he sounds a bit judgy on this topic which would make me worried about his reaction. I'm not sure the pictures would do anything for me on their own since I'm only too aware of how messy things are prior to cleaning them. It's mostly been helpful to me to have some accountability and encouragement. Not that my psychiatrist is going to somehow punish me if I don't follow through. But I'm motivated to do it because the scope is limited enough that I believe I can do it if I choose to (that's not to say it's easy).

I don't know if this is relevant for you, but she gave me an insight that I found helpful. She said I'd lost trust in myself to do certain things, like chores and just generally taking care of myself. And that's so true. I've disappointed myself so often that I have a little voice in my head that responds to thoughts of "I'll do such and such a task at such and such a date/time" with a snide little "No you won't, you know you won't. Just accept it."

Not actually a trigger, just a bunch of rambling that I didn't mean to do, but that I might like to look back on at some point.

Possible trigger:

So I'm not just improving my living conditions but also trying to prove to myself that I can say I'll do something and follow through. The biggest test will be what I do when my psychiatrist isn't watching, of course. But I think I can maintain this so long as I don't impose larger expectations on myself because I feel like I should have them. I'll just give up if I do that. If I feel like I can do more, nothing's stopping me. But it's better to undershoot and over-deliver, even with myself.

The therapist wanted me to do something similar when I told her about it, only for leaving my house. That has not been as successful, I think because I don't have to send proof daily and the goal isn't even daily so I can tell myself I'll do it tomorrow. I also sometimes feel perversely pleased to go against the therapist while I don't feel that way with the psychiatrist. Also one time the psychiatrist told me my life was completely out of control (it was) and that was alarming. I prefer to receive accolades and praise over what a good job I've done. That's another thing about the therapist, she never just says good job and leaves it at that. She always has to follow it up by asking if I've done some other thing she wants me to do that I haven't done. And if I haven't done everything, I don't get the figurative gold star. It feels exactly like my mother and her nagging and failure to understand it's not a matter of me just choosing to be completely different than I am. With her it's her own anxiety and I suspect that's also true of the therapist because she has a tendency to go all doom and gloom and tell me maybe I won't be able to live independently if I can't take care of myself etc. etc. which feels like a threat.

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comrademoomoo Grand Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: Toodlepip Posts: 1,714 5	Jan 17, 2022 at 02:10 PM #801 I have just been notified that my union's recent ballot about strike action has met the threshold to take strike action. My spirits have lifted considerably. I love a strike. I support the basis of the strike (pensions) but I love time away from work even more. It's like a second Christmas! I hope it isn't called off, I will be heartbroken.

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,239 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,772 hugs given	Jan 17, 2022 at 04:16 PM #806 i think it's a leftover survival mechanism from childhood, trying to always be a happy, pleasing person so I could also be invisible.

SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Jan 17, 2022 at 05:49 PM #808 I'm going to talk to Julieanne Monday next week instead of Friday next week. So a little sooner. It will only be two weeks until I see her (well "see" her via Zoom) instead of almost three weeks. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA

SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Jan 17, 2022 at 05:49 PM #809 My coworker said I looked tired. Hmmm. I don't feel particularly tired. I hope he didn't mean tired as in you look old. Lol. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA

susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Jan 17, 2022 at 05:51 PM #811 I doubt he meant you look old, SK. Unless he has a history of making catty remarks. __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold

SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Jan 17, 2022 at 05:53 PM #812 Susannah, I find cleaning overwhelming. I did manage to change my sheets on Saturday. Even though I myself stayed in my pj's all day and watched Hallmark Movies and Mysteries. This was still a big win because my sheets needed to get washed. I did not however, work on any artwork which was my goal. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA

susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Jan 17, 2022 at 06:01 PM #814 I find dads are difficult to get presents for. My dad is, anyway. At least now he has a fiancee I can pester to give me ideas. __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold

SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Jan 17, 2022 at 06:23 PM #817 Yeah, I wish my Dad would keep an Amazon wish list so I could just shop off of that! __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA