Is it ever too late?

Rive. · Jan 06, 2022 at 01:29 PM

Now that we have embarked on a new year and reflecting back upon your life and / or life choices: is there anything you wish you could have done differently or do differently... or even not done at all?

As in, do you wish you could undo some things you said in therapy or expressed to your therapist, topics you wish you had (or hadn’t) mentioned, boundaries you wish you had instilled or stuck by... or in terms of the way you present in therapy OR even your choice of therapist.

Would you undo any of that? Or do anything differently?

SlumberKitty · Jan 06, 2022 at 01:35 PM

No. I am who I am because of my experiences both good and bad. I wouldn't change a thing. I endeavor to be better each year and to cope better, live better, serve God better, etc. But I wouldn't change my past.

HUGS Kit

Rive. · Jan 06, 2022 at 02:06 PM

That shows a lot of growth Kit and, may I say, a level of maturity that I most certainly lack!

Taylor27 · Jan 06, 2022 at 03:34 PM

If i had to change anything it would of been my issue with alcohol. I wasted my 20's and into my 30's til 4 years ago with alcohol. I think allot of what I have gone through in life has made me a stronger person and have more faith in God right now.

ScarletPimpernel · Jan 06, 2022 at 05:23 PM

I try really hard to live without regrets. I believe things happen for a reason, even "bad" things. For example: ex-T abandoning me lead me to T, T got pregnant and found me L. Yes, losing ex-T was traumatic for me, but without going through it, I wouldn't have L. I believe we make the best decisions with what we have/know. And I also believe that our experiences shape us into who we are now.

Have you seen the movie "The Butterfly Effect"? It's like that. One small change in the past can have a big effect on the present/future. You might think it was for the better, but it might turn out worse. You will never know though.

As far as therapy goes, I think I'm doing the best I can. I'm learning, being honest and more open, I'm practicing direct communication, and am using my skills. I'm trying to live in the present more instead of being depressed about the past, or anxious about the future. I don't know what more I can do in this moment. Just try to be the best me I can be.

Skeezyks · Jan 06, 2022 at 06:56 PM

The Skeezyks' life is just one big regret. And, yes, it is sometimes just too late.

LonesomeTonight · Jan 06, 2022 at 07:24 PM

Oh, I'm filled with regrets. But much like Scarlet said, I also figure all those things from the past took me to where I am now, for better or worse. And who knows what would have happened if I'd changed something.

*Beth* · Jan 06, 2022 at 08:29 PM

I have some regrets about therapy. I wish I would have found it within myself to be more honest with my therapist about her disorganization and forgetfulness. I have had difficulty with having a really deep connection with her because of those problems.

Mountaindewed · Jan 07, 2022 at 04:52 AM

I just wish I had actual closure with the therapist I had before I moved.

Yes its too late for the actual closure but not too late to accept that it didn't happen.

downandlonely · Jan 07, 2022 at 04:54 AM

There have been sexual encounters I wish I hadn't done.

Also, I wish I had found Overeaters Anonymous earlier before I became obese.

RoxanneToto · Jan 07, 2022 at 05:14 AM

There’s only one thing I regret about my therapy - not starting after I split with my last boyfriend. I truly regret waiting those 5 years, just because I got shamed out of going by someone who didn’t understand and implied I was being ridiculous. I’m not saying everything in my therapy this last year has been perfect, but it’s benefitted me in ways that I didn’t foresee.
With what’s going on in the world, I might not have as long to enjoy my soon to be more independent life, but them’s the breaks.
So, if I could go back in time, I’d do it sooner and with the same T I’m seeing now. I’d wait if I had to, but I’d still be in therapy sooner.

Rive. · Jan 07, 2022 at 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

The Skeezyks' life is just one big regret. And, yes, it is sometimes just too late.

This makes me very sad to read, Skeezyks. Unfortunately, I also relate to the idea that sometimes it is just too late..

nottrustin · Jan 07, 2022 at 11:57 AM

The only thing I would change therapy wise is I wish I had been able to talk to my my long term therapist about thing she said that hurt me. She encouraged me to but I never did. When I started seing a second therapist (my current therapist) and something bothered me, she encouraged me to say something because it would help my therapy and as a therapist herself she would want to know.

I can talk to my therapist about anythingand it has helped me in my personal life. I also realize how easily words xan hurt me and that most of the time the other person does mot mean any harm or hurt. I spent a lot of time with my long term therapist misinterpreting or inferring things she said.

Waterbear · Jan 07, 2022 at 02:13 PM

I wish I had been able to open up to my ex T about past traumas. We tried so hard. Both of us. For a very long time but something obviously a holding me back and now, yes, it is too late.

I also wish I had started therapy many many years ago. I wish the counsellors I had at school had been any good at their job, but then I guess it was a sign of the times, and the school I went to.

LonesomeTonight · Jan 07, 2022 at 04:36 PM

This thread led to an interesting discussion with my T today, so thanks for it.

downandlonely · Jan 08, 2022 at 07:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Waterbear

I wish I had been able to open up to my ex T about past traumas. We tried so hard. Both of us. For a very long time but something obviously a holding me back and now, yes, it is too late.

I also wish I had started therapy many many years ago. I wish the counsellors I had at school had been any good at their job, but then I guess it was a sign of the times, and the school I went to.

My school counselors were useless too. When I saw one for my major depression, she assumed my locker partner had stolen something from me even though I told her that was not the case. She never suggested I see a doctor or therapist.

Rive. · Jan 08, 2022 at 09:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

This thread led to an interesting discussion with my T today, so thanks for it.

You're welcome, LT. Please do feel free to share, if you wish.

zapatoes · Jan 12, 2022 at 11:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I try really hard to live without regrets. I believe things happen for a reason, even "bad" things. For example: ex-T abandoning me lead me to T, T got pregnant and found me L. Yes, losing ex-T was traumatic for me, but without going through it, I wouldn't have L. I believe we make the best decisions with what we have/know. And I also believe that our experiences shape us into who we are now.

Have you seen the movie "The Butterfly Effect"? It's like that. One small change in the past can have a big effect on the present/future. You might think it was for the better, but it might turn out worse. You will never know though.

As far as therapy goes, I think I'm doing the best I can. I'm learning, being honest and more open, I'm practicing direct communication, and am using my skills. I'm trying to live in the present more instead of being depressed about the past, or anxious about the future. I don't know what more I can do in this moment. Just try to be the best me I can be.

It seems if only I could go back to this point in life and do things differently then things would likely be much better. But really maybe it’s better to look at it as let me be sure to do this the next time so don’t have any future regrets. Regrets about therapy, I don’t know I’ve gone to therapy a few times in the past and it was helpful, there’s nothing I regret about therapy. My past therapy was for a limited time only and it was useful since going through a rough time.

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SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Jan 06, 2022 at 01:35 PM #2 No. I am who I am because of my experiences both good and bad. I wouldn't change a thing. I endeavor to be better each year and to cope better, live better, serve God better, etc. But I wouldn't change my past. HUGS Kit __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
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Rive. Magnate Member Since Sep 2013 Posts: 2,014 10	Jan 06, 2022 at 02:06 PM #3 That shows a lot of growth Kit and, may I say, a level of maturity that I most certainly lack!
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Taylor27 healing from trauma Member Since Dec 2017 Location: Alberta Posts: 30,425 (SuperPoster!) 6 24.3k hugs given	Jan 06, 2022 at 03:34 PM #4 If i had to change anything it would of been my issue with alcohol. I wasted my 20's and into my 30's til 4 years ago with alcohol. I think allot of what I have gone through in life has made me a stronger person and have more faith in God right now.
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Skeezyks Disreputable Old Troll Member Since Oct 2015 Location: The Star of the North Posts: 32,762 (SuperPoster!) 8 17.4k hugs given	Jan 06, 2022 at 06:56 PM #6 The Skeezyks' life is just one big regret. And, yes, it is sometimes just too late.
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LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,754 (SuperPoster!) 9 75k hugs given	Jan 06, 2022 at 07:24 PM #7 Oh, I'm filled with regrets. But much like Scarlet said, I also figure all those things from the past took me to where I am now, for better or worse. And who knows what would have happened if I'd changed something.
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Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 4 23.7k hugs given	Jan 06, 2022 at 08:29 PM #8 I have some regrets about therapy. I wish I would have found it within myself to be more honest with my therapist about her disorganization and forgetfulness. I have had difficulty with having a really deep connection with her because of those problems. __________________
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Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,199 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,765 hugs given	Jan 07, 2022 at 04:52 AM #9 I just wish I had actual closure with the therapist I had before I moved. Yes its too late for the actual closure but not too late to accept that it didn't happen. __________________ Ridin' with Biden
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downandlonely Legendary Member Since Mar 2018 Location: United States Posts: 10,760 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.6k hugs given	Jan 07, 2022 at 04:54 AM #10 There have been sexual encounters I wish I hadn't done. Also, I wish I had found Overeaters Anonymous earlier before I became obese.
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LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,754 (SuperPoster!) 9 75k hugs given	Jan 07, 2022 at 04:36 PM #15 This thread led to an interesting discussion with my T today, so thanks for it.
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