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Old 01-14-2022, 01:53 PM   #1
SlumberKitty
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Default When is too soon to start trusting your therapist?

When is too soon to start trusting your therapist?


I've seen Julieanne 4 times over a period of 4 months I think. I'm already starting to trust her but something in me is kind of panicky because I feel like it is too soon. That I shouldn't trust her yet. Or something bad will happen. I don't have a clue what that something bad is, only that it is bad and catastrophic!


But still I find myself opening up to her, telling her about my voices, SH, stuff like that. I have endeavored to be as open with her as possible and transparent. I've been intentionally trying to build up trust between us so that way we can move forward into a beneficial relationship.


Still part of me feels unsure and I don't want to rush things. I just want to be real with her, y'know? She reminds me in no small part of former T (they look similar for one) and I had tremendous trust in former T, although I think that took several months to develop while seeing her weekly.


Maybe I am just at a point in my life, and therapy, where I trust easier. But still I am a bit paranoid that I have trusted too much too soon. I can't think of anything I would have done differently really though, or said differently. I didn't tell her I was in crisis beforehand. So, maybe I should have done that. I guess I am playing the fence. Trying to be cautious whilst trying to be open and transparent. Too soon?
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Old 01-14-2022, 03:49 PM   #2
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Default Re: When is too soon to start trusting your therapist?

Hugs, Kit. I started trusting Dr. T pretty quickly--I think it was our third session (seeing him weekly) where I was very open with him about the stuff with my former marriage counselor. I kind of freaked out after that session, as I felt I'd shared too much, worried he wouldn't want to keep working with me, that he'd be freaked out, etc. Sent him a frantic email regarding some of that. But it ultimately worked out.

Sometimes, you just have a feeling that you can trust someone. Like you said, it can also be a case that you're at a point in your life and therapy where you can trust more easily. I think for me it helped that I'd shared much of the stuff already with ex-T and also ex-MC. So I wasn't starting from scratch and telling someone about something for the first time.


This would be a good topic to bring up with her. About your fear that trusting her and being open will lead to something bad. Do you maybe fear rejection? I know that was a big part of it for me. But I think talking about it is the way forward.
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Old 01-14-2022, 04:04 PM   #3
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Default Re: When is too soon to start trusting your therapist?

Thanks LT. Maybe it is one of those things that is like, time will tell...........

I don't love that but I can accept that.
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Old 01-14-2022, 05:11 PM   #4
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Default Re: When is too soon to start trusting your therapist?

I agree with LT, Kit, that sometimes you just have a feeling that you can trust someone. I trusted L very early on, within a few sessions iirc - told her something that happened to me when I was a kid that I'd never spoken a word of to another soul (and still haven't) pretty early on in our first year. I still remember sitting there on the couch in her old office saying it and she witnessed it quietly. I'm not sure how I knew I could trust her I just knew I could and did.
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Old 01-14-2022, 05:17 PM   #5
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Default Re: When is too soon to start trusting your therapist?

The very second I met my transfernce T I trusted her. But not with the gender stuff until a few months after we started meeting. The one after her I was instantly unsure and wary of but I gave her a chance. The one after her I never trusted because she decided she wasn't fit to work with me after our second session and I got the sense she didn't like me because of the gender I identify as. My current T took about a month or 2. It was kind of off and on with her for awhile but I've been seeing her since October 11th and I trust her now.

So it depends. I often can tell fairly quickly if I'll click with someone or not but I do give people a chance.
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Old 01-14-2022, 05:31 PM   #6
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Default Re: When is too soon to start trusting your therapist?

I agree with LT. I think it can be about trust and I also think it can be about being experienced with knowing how therapy works and being transparent when you're in a therapy space with somebody who seems like a reasonable fit. You kind of get how it works now so it's easier to build a new relationship. That's definitely how I felt when I started seeing a second T for EMDR. I just rolled out the things that I needed her to know, and her reaction told me that that was a fine thing to do.

I don't think there is a timeline of what is right or wrong, but I do think it can be helpful to talk about it with your T. It's also not an all-or-nothing thing. You can check in with yourself and sort of lean in or out of the relationship based on how you are feeling.
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Old 01-14-2022, 05:37 PM   #7
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Default Re: When is too soon to start trusting your therapist?

Thanks, everyone. Good advice!
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Old 01-15-2022, 01:02 PM   #8
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Default Re: When is too soon to start trusting your therapist?

I wouldn't say there was any time frame as to when to feel trust. It takes as long... or as short as it takes. Your gut instincts will take the lead as to if, when and/or how much to disclose. I would trust that and try not to overthink..
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Old 01-15-2022, 03:14 PM   #9
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Default Re: When is too soon to start trusting your therapist?

Hugs @SlumberKitty, I trusted my t pretty quick. Follow your gut instincts. Hugs
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Old 01-15-2022, 03:26 PM   #10
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Default Re: When is too soon to start trusting your therapist?

I think there's a difference between trust and being open and honest. You can have both or either/or.

I didn't trust T or L right away. T definitely not. But I was open and honest with them from the start. I believe that helped our bond/attachment grow and it helped build trust.

Trust your gut/wise-mind. If it says go forward, go forward. If it says put on the breaks, then slow down. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Relationship and the different parts of relationships can be like a wave like the rest of life. As my sister (and Dora) would say: "Just keep swimming"!
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Old 01-18-2022, 04:44 PM   #11
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Default Re: When is too soon to start trusting your therapist?

I trusted my therapists (the ones that I worked with a long time) pretty much immediately, but I don't tend to have trouble trusting people.

Interestingly though, the therapists I chose not to work with, it really wasn't about trust so much as personality. I suppose they were probably ethical enough, etc.; I just had no opinion about their personalities whatsoever - they almost lacked personality to me.

The ones I trusted immediately, I guess it was that their personality clicked with me and I was comfortable with them - thus, the trust.?? Hmm.
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Old 01-18-2022, 07:09 PM   #12
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Default Re: When is too soon to start trusting your therapist?

I think it's good to be cautious, but not so cautious you end up standing in your own way. This looks different for different people. Based on your description, I would pump the brakes slightly. Not because I have any opinion of your therapist's trustworthiness, but because you are asking this question, which indicates uneasiness.
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