Therapeutic knowledge impacting therapy?

Over christmas, I read 2 books on personality disorders and how to treat them. Of course I still know almost nothing, but seeing T again last week, I kind of lost faith in his authenticity. I know I just have to suck it up, but I can now tell that he is not authentic and just using the tools at his disposal. I guess that's totally obvious, but while I thought it before, now I feel it, too, which kind of makes it sink in. If that makes sense.

Generally, do you find it helpful to know more about therapy, or would you rather leave it up to the therapist? Like, I have another book on the topic waiting to be read, should I just stash it somewhere?

Imo, you should never stop learning and growing. Also, you should never let someone else's limitations hold you back.

It doesn't sound like you're compatible with your T on an intellectual level. I don't think that's really fixable. While Ts have their bag of tools, if you already know them, then you might want to move on.

I certainly don't believe that I should just have no clue what the therapist is doing or should be doing. I don't put 100% trust in my doctor or any other professional for that matter. I like doing my own research so that I have some basis on which to look out for my own best interests. That said, I'm not sure the intensity of your research is helpful to you. Maybe it is, but I can also see how that level of study could lead to intellectualizing as a form of avoidance.

I would never leave anything up to a mere therapist

I read a lot about childhood trauma, effective treatments and therapy techniques and theories as I am very interested in the area. I have found it to impact my relationship with my therapist and also too maybe my therapy and not always in a positive way. Firstly it has resulted me in feeling like there are certain things that would be beneficial to me that my therapist is not doing which then makes me question her abilities and whether this type of therapy is what I need. Secondly it makes me so more behind the screen for want of a better word. E.g I find myself questioning her words and actions more and wondering if it's just a tool in her therapy toolbox. So yes I do think increasing therapeutic knowledge can have negative effects on therapy. I mean I'm sure there are also many positives too but for me I'm not sure they outweigh the negatives. I don't see an alternative however as I have a keen interest in learning about it. Some might say defaulting to understanding and logic can also be a defence mechanism to bring us away from feelings and emotions which is also part of it for me.

I'm sure it helps my defence mechanisms along, too. Espacially the avoidance-by-intellectualization one. I also feel it removes me from my T on an emotional level, as it makes me irritable by him using the appropriate amount of interpretation and confrontation, which is now no longer him being him, but rather him being T, once removed.
That being said, it is interesting to me, too. Just, like you say, perhaps not very helpful in regards to the relationship between T and me. What could be helpful though is that we can now discuss the insights I gained from these books, and to let him know what of it resonates with me, and where I see divergences between the writings and my inner world.
Not sure it's worth it, though. I also feel like me gaining these insights outside of therapy arbitrarily reduces the worth of therapy in my eyes, as I can gain insights without therapy.

Yes, exactly. It's not just google and youtube, I am reading transcripts of therapies and commentaries on them.

It's way too soon to tell if he has the sort of limitations that would hinder therapy. I'm really talking about basic tools, such as interpretation and confrontation. Also basic concepts like transference and countertransference, all in the realm of therapy with personality disorders. So I doubt I'll find a T that doesn't work with these.
I don't think he is intellectually incompatible or overall less smart than I am. If anything, in the realm of psychology, he is of course intellectually and emotionally more capable than I, as it is simply not my field of work or study.

And you shouldn't have to, if it makes you feel uncomfortable. I just onder if for me it might make sense to let go of this form of control.

Oh, wow. Your post speaks to me. I have studied psychiatry (especially the history of it) and psychology for decades. Yes, I know more about both than my therapist does. And yes- it has caused me to doubt my therapist most of the time. I stay with her because her intuition is exceptional. It far surpasses her knowledge, in my experience.


Please don't refrain from learning.

Interesting. And do you think therapy would be more effective if you didn't have this knowledge?

I used to read everything I could about therapy as a defence mechanism - I wanted to know what the process was so I could stay on top of my emotions. I think I also wanted to be 'special' to T by knowing about therapy in ways others probably didn't (I saw her at uni and most clients were aged 18-21).

My intention worked, but it did take away from my healing as I couldn't give myself naturally to the process.

This probably isn't relevant to you but wanted to share.

This is interesting. I have generally felt that my therapists were pretty transparent about what they were doing and why. For example each has spent a lot of time asking me where and how I feel things, suggesting I notice a feeling in my body etc. They’ll then say what the point is of being able to identify feelings within the body. Both have come right out and said this and suggested further reading for me if I’m interested. I have not felt that either operates using a kind of trickery that wouldn’t work if I iunderstood what they were up to.