[ChickenNoodleSoup]

Although I've been doing this for years, I've never really questioned how other people do it, so:

Do you call the important people in your story (abusers, partners, friends, family) by name or by their "function", i.e. my mom, my buddy from kindergarten, my best friend from high school?

I personally for no particular reason opted for the option of calling everyone by their function, though I don't normally do this with other people.

[LonesomeTonight]

Interesting question. If it's someone I mention frequently, like my husband or daughter, I refer to them by their first name. If it's someone I mention fairly often, but wouldn't expect my T to remember, I might say (picking a random name), "my friend Katie" or possibly "my friend Katie from grad school" or some other qualifier. But for some, I don't use names, just roles. Like the teacher for whom I had what I now realize was paternal transference in high school (who really hurt me at one point), he's simply "the teacher." Or the guy I dated in college is "my college boyfriend."

[ArtleyWilkins]

I just used names when it came to the major players which is what I was usually talking about.

Sometimes I might be talking about someone minor who probably wouldn't ever come up again and I might just describe them, but that wasn't usually the case.

[ScarletPimpernel]

We use pretty much the same as I do here. Ex-T is Ex-T. H is either H or his name. Family is mom, dad, sister, stepdad. The dogs are their names. T is her name. People in the past are their names. L even signs most her emails with just L and address me in them by my first initial. I call L by her name.

[SlumberKitty]

I mostly refer to people by their function. I.E. My best friend. Not my best friend Michelle. Or my Mom. Or my sister. Or my coworker.

[atisketatasket]

When I first saw just the thread title, my head answered “Muggles.”

I call them by whatever is more convenient. If it’s easier to say “Joe” than “my colleague” I say Joe. If it’s easier to say “my chair” than “Brunhilde” I say “my chair.”

Except 2ex. He is not worth naming. Damnatio memoriae, etc.

[ElectricManatee]

I use first names for most people. My T is relational and has a pretty good memory, so it seems important to her that she knows all the people in my orbit. She can keep up with me like 95% of the time. If it's somebody I mention rarely, I'll use a descriptor like "Taylor, my friend who lives in Japan." She briefly got my old boss and my current boss confused in our last session, which was pretty amusing because they are polar opposites and it changed the point of the story completely. But usually this approach works fine.

[ArtieTheSequal]

I usually use first names combined with a reminder of who they are if it's someone i don't talk about very often.

[unaluna]

My prev t made one of my favorite t jokes when this subject came up. He said, "I know you think im over here creating a data base of all your family and coworkers, but actually im playing video poker!"

Eta - i called my ex-h's the early mr luna and the late mr luna. I only wished the late (2nd) mr luna were dead.

[velcro003]

My closest people, friend wise, she knows their names. It’s like 3 people. My family is “mom, sad, brother, grandma…” etc. i finally started calling my co-worker by her name in therapy, bc i got sick of saying “co-worker.”

[MuddyBoots]

If it's group therapy I'll refer to them by my relationship with them "my friend," "my girlfriend," etc. because people tend to know other people and I've been in a situation where I was in the same group as my ex girlfriend's sister. In individual therapy I'll say their names because it's easier.

[Rive.]

I never refer to anyone by their names. I use a descriptive or function, instead

[RoxanneToto]

Great question! I generally refer to most family members, dead or alive, by their role/function relative to myself (e.g. mum or dad, sister in law etc), but some are referred to by name, as are my friends.

[Mountaindewed]

I usually call them by their role, my mom, my sister my brother, I refereed to a past therapist as my bigot therapist. If it’s someone in my past I’ll say this girl or guy or a staff I used to know. I usually call coworkers as people I used to work with instead of former coworkers.

[SprinkL3]

It depends on many factors for me. I'd like to say all of the above, depending. But I chose "It depends on the person." I switch it up a bit, and so do my alters. Also, because I have alters, I don't want to confuse my T more than she already is. I'm actually impressed that she's able to keep up!

[divine1966]

Depends. My husband by first name. My dad is my dad etc Some of my family members have ethnic names that people butcher or people simply can’t remember correctly so I often say their role instead of their name.

[nottrustin]

If it is somebody I rarely talk about I refer to them by their role. If it is somebody I talk about frequently I start out with both such as my son Jared, my friend Tina. Once T remembers the names and roll, I will typically refer to them by name

[feileacan]

I generally don't really talk about other people in my therapy and thus it is rarely necessary to refer to them somehow. I sometimes mention my spouse or children though and then I refer to them as 'husband', 'older son' and 'younger son'.

[Jesla]

It used to be i used descriptors, ie my ex best friend, the teacher across the hall. However after 12 years my therapist knows all the names of my friends, and many of my relatives.

[SummerTime12]

The only person I refer to by name is my husband. Sometimes my therapist will ask for names of other people I talk about, and I do tell him, but the next time I bring them up I refer to them through descriptors because I don’t expect he’ll remember their names. I also purposely avoid saying names of abusers even though it gets complicated vaguely saying “the guy from when I was 15” and so on lol. I’m just not ready for that.

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[susannahsays]

My current therapist doesn't seem to remember names, so I just refer to them by their relationship to me. That feels better than having to remind her that x is my sister every time she comes up.

[Omers]

In my family of origin it was dangerous to get too close to anyone so I usually had three names I would refer to people by. By giving them three names my mother assumed they were different people and didn't get jealous. So I still tend to do that out of habit. Then there is another odd quirk I have... In high school and college I had a lot of dual relationships with faculty and sometimes their title would change in the time I knew them... so my gym teacher from HS was Mrs H, Ms K and Mrs M. I still refer to as what ever name she was using at the time I am talking about her. So my freshman year she is Mrs H... but then when we get to my Sr year I call her Mrs M. Or my college math prof... was prof P, Dr P and then J when we were not on campus. I gave poor T a chart once I trusted him enough and he still can't keep up. Some sessions are "yeh, Mrs H, K, M , that gym teacher from HS... well she... and T just looks at me funny.
I also have a friend who "was" male when I met him (he didn't feel safe coming out) then transitioned... so old stories I use the male pronoun and then in current stories I use her actual pronoun.
Art T thinks she keeps up with all the people and the names but I just laugh.

[RollercoasterLover]

It depends, but it depends less on the therapist/state of therapy than on the impact the person has in my life. My first T noticed that people who are important to me in a positive way, get a name and a relationship identifier in both conversation and Journaling (ie my daughter Jane, my son Joe, my neighbor Mary). People who created trauma get functional titles like "the ex", "the sister", "the jerk in high school" etc. It seems that in my head, this was a way I subconsciously tried to distance myself from trauma that other people caused and the anger I created in response to the trauma.

[stopdog]

I called them A,B,C and referred to places as Blackacre, Greenacre, etc. The woman pretended not to understand or she is an idiot and was telling the truth - but I doubt she cared one way or the other.