Termination

coolibrarian · 02:34 PM

It's coming. We're talking about it. She said she'd give me 1 year's notice, so I guess it will probably happen sometime in 2023.

I have such a conglomeration of emotions, mixed, confused, complicated emotions. I've written two poems today, and T was right there, in almost every line.

I am going to ask a rhetorical question of her today: Why do so many people become psychotherapists, when they have to say so many sad goodbyes?

She asserted what I already knew: we can't be friends afterward.

Still, we have a deep connection for two reasons: my therapy with her, and we are both poets. I know she loves me, even though she won't say it. I will love her for the rest of my life.

susannahsays · Jan 20, 2022 at 02:36 PM

I'm sorry, that's gotta be really hard. While I think I would also want a year's warning, another part of me thinks that would be worse overall because you'd have to spend all that time dreading it.

coolibrarian · Jan 20, 2022 at 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by susannahsays

I'm sorry, that's gotta be really hard. While I think I would also want a year's warning, another part of me thinks that would be worse overall because you'd have to spend all that time dreading it.

Well, as I've been in therapy with her for over 30 years, I think any amount of prep time would have the possibility of being brutal.

susannahsays · Jan 20, 2022 at 02:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by coolibrarian

Well, as I've been in therapy with her for over 30 years, I think any amount of prep time would have the possibility of being brutal.

Definitely. I just have such a tendency to ruminate that I wonder which would be more traumatic for me personally.

SlumberKitty · Jan 20, 2022 at 03:44 PM

HUGS, Cool.

There is no easy way that I have found to say goodbye to a beloved T. I had my former T for 10 years and she was so freaking amazing and no lie it hurt so badly to say goodbye but we had to as she developed M.S. She does let me write to her on occasion but she doesn't necessarily write back which is it's own kind of pain. But you're right, that there can be no friendship afterward. Former T of mine went back to counselling but denied me being her client again so that was super tough. I still struggle with the rejection. I know you will work through this with your T and you will have as good of a goodbye as you can have but I know it will still be painful. I wish you best of luck and lots of love in your journey forward. Kit

NP_Complete · Jan 20, 2022 at 07:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by susannahsays

I'm sorry, that's gotta be really hard. While I think I would also want a year's warning, another part of me thinks that would be worse overall because you'd have to spend all that time dreading it.

Exactly this. I know we're ending, I don't know exactly when, and I've been dreading it since he first told me. I'm sorry you're going through this, Cool.

Omers · Jan 21, 2022 at 02:49 AM

Oh Cool, My heart sank when I saw your thread. Hugs.
My Awesome T is retiring and just the thought of it is bringing so much uncertainty. We haven't been working together that long.

ArtieTheSequal · Jan 24, 2022 at 09:08 PM

Hugs, Cool.

I said goodbye to L going on 6 weeks ago now after 10+ years. I have really wrestled with myself on even responding to this thread since I first read it since my circumstance was different from yours. But I am responding now because I want to wish you all the very best with it. I hope that having that much advance notice will be more productive than painful, and allow you to process everything surrounding ending.

eta: one thing that L said to me during one of our last sessions was that "It doesn't have to be sad." I have been pondering that statement quite a bit and only in the last week probably have really begun to understand what she meant.

velcro003 · Jan 24, 2022 at 09:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

eta: one thing that L said to me during one of our last sessions was that "It doesn't have to be sad." I have been pondering that statement quite a bit and only in the last week probably have really begun to understand what she meant.

I guess it doesn't, but also...it is/was a long term relationship. Any sort of goodbye is probably going to have SOME sadness to it.

Omers · Jan 24, 2022 at 10:35 PM

I have a former T that, well, we were not a good fit together... I ended our work together back in 1997 but we kept in touch. I found out this year that her health has declined significantly. It still hurts. I can't imagine if we had still been working together regulary!

ScarletPimpernel · Jan 24, 2022 at 11:47 PM

Let yourself feel whatever you feel. There's a reason for all feelings. For example L quotes to me: Grief is the price of love.

ArtieTheSequal · Jan 25, 2022 at 09:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by velcro003

I guess it doesn't, but also...it is/was a long term relationship. Any sort of goodbye is probably going to have SOME sadness to it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Let yourself feel whatever you feel. There's a reason for all feelings. For example L quotes to me: Grief is the price of love.

Good points both. I've been thinking that maybe L's point to what she said that it doesn't have to be sad was more along the lines of it doesn't have to be all sad. Like there's positives in it too. I don't know. Maybe that's just me trying to make myself feel better because I did feel sad for awhile.

East17 · Jan 25, 2022 at 09:50 AM

So sorry you're facing this. I think it's hard when you have plenty of notice and warning, and it's hard when you don't. Endings with my Ts have all been abrupt and a shock (I don't know if I'm a curse or just unlucky!), I'm hoping the same won't happen again, but I think knowing when the end is likely is marginally better, it does at least give you time to get used to the idea and prepare for it.

Make good use of the time you have left with your T and don't leave anything unsaid.

Living with regret is the worst.

ArtieTheSequal · Jan 25, 2022 at 11:27 AM

I absolutely agree with don't leave anything unsaid. And ask for what you need even if you might get a no in response. I'm glad I asked L to write me a letter even though she said no, because 1) I didn't have to endlessly wonder if she would have or not and 2) even though she said no she had a suggestion which I ended up doing and it was really helpful for me.

I'm sorry you're facing this and continue to wish you the best through it.

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susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Jan 20, 2022 at 02:36 PM #2 I'm sorry, that's gotta be really hard. While I think I would also want a year's warning, another part of me thinks that would be worse overall because you'd have to spend all that time dreading it. __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold
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Omers Grand Magnate Member Since Nov 2010 Location: Crimson cattery Posts: 3,512 13 3,133 hugs given	Jan 21, 2022 at 02:49 AM #7 Oh Cool, My heart sank when I saw your thread. Hugs. My Awesome T is retiring and just the thought of it is bringing so much uncertainty. We haven't been working together that long. __________________ There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night
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ScarletPimpernel Wise Elder Member Since Nov 2013 Location: US Posts: 8,405 (SuperPoster!) 10 6,399 hugs given	Jan 24, 2022 at 11:47 PM #11 Let yourself feel whatever you feel. There's a reason for all feelings. For example L quotes to me: Grief is the price of love. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica
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