I am older then my therapist and I think it bothers her.

We are both under 30. I am a few months older then her. When I asked her age a couple weeks after I started seeing her she uncomfortablly said we were the same age. Then last week I mentioned my birthday coming up in a couple weeks and I asked when hers was and she told me and she seemed uncomfortable answering and then she said "but anyways..." and quickly changed the subject.

At first I was taken aback by the age thing. But now it does not bother me because she acts so much older then me and is so much more mature and looks older that I forget the age thing But I am the opposite of her and I am wondering if these things bother her so that all she focuses on is the age thing

I just don't want to get screwed over next month when I become older then her and she is too uncomfortable to work with me and decides I need someone who isnt the same age. I like her a lot and I trust her and It would just suck to be switched again.

Could she do this? Is it likely she would? I just don't want to feel cut off the way I did with the therapist I had before I moved. It will be 11 months tomorrow since I last met with her and I still don't think I am 100% over her.

Sorry if this post sounds like I am just jumping to conclusions. I had to go down on my anxiety med so my thoughts are racing a bit and coming up with a bunch of crap.

I think you may be jumping to conclusions. Ex-T and T weren't to thrilled about me knowing their birthdays either, though it had nothing to do with their age.

I may be jumping to conclusions here, but I worry you're trying to find fault with this T. Are you comparing her to transference T? Just a thought.

I doubt that she's uncomfortable. Just statistically, if she works with adults, it's likely that she is younger than some or possibly even most of her clients. I'm guessing that she felt like the age thing was off topic or that she is somewhat uncomfortable with self disclosure, which is why she changed the subject. Plus a few months doesn't make much of a difference after around age three.

But if it's bugging you, it might be worth just asking her. Even if your read on the situation is not accurate, it could be useful for understanding how you interpret social interactions and what assumptions you are making. The thing about being afraid of being transferred is absolutely something my therapist would want to discuss.

She said she doesnt tell everyone her age. So I'm not sure why she decided to tell me.

I don't know if I'm comparing her not. There doesnt seem to be any sort of boundary issue going on or any trying to please her or get her attention which is what I was doing with my transference T and it was my choice to leave my transference T. She was willing to work with me for a couple more months until I moved but I knew that was not the best but I did regret my decesion after the therapist I hired turned out not to be good.

When I mean cut off I meant the IOP thing.

I doubt she's uncomfortable that you're a few months older. More likely she's uncomfortable sharing personal information like her age and birthday with you. She might also be concerned you will have a problem with her not being older than you - as many people prefer a therapist that is older than them. She could also be worried being the same age will make you have some sort of undesirable transference.

Lots of reasons are more probable in my opinion than that she's personally bothered than that you are the same age, let alone a few months older.

Few months is not really age difference at all. So I am sure she isn’t uncomfortable or give it much thoughts. As we get older more people will be younger than us.

That’s just a reality. If you are uncomfortable then it’s different but I would not worry if she is

If you think she may be uncomfortable, it's best to ask her about it. As some people mentioned, it's possible she was uncomfortable about her own decision to share her birthday and age (but that's on her, not you). My T was sort of evasive about his age for a long time, though said at one point how old he was in relation to ex-MC, and I *knew* his age (he'd told us when we asked), so I figured out basically how old he was. Then he confirmed it recently in something he was saying (he's 7 years older than me).

Or maybe she's concerned *you're* uncomfortable about her age? Either way, better to ask rather than worrying about a potential termination due to it.

Wondering also if T is regretting sharing her age, especially since she usually doesn't. Do you feel comfortable asking if that's the case?

Some people might consider a T much younger than themselves to be inexperienced and maybe not a good fit.
Perhaps even young people could feel that way.
On the other hand, our teenage daughter saw a 30ish T and it worked out well.

I'm very not a young person so almost any T I see will be younger. Current T is about 5 years younger.
She mentioned her age in passing but not her exact birthdate. If rather not know such specifics anyway. That's just me.

A few month? Really, you are the same age. I suspect her uncomfortableness was with giving you her birthdate, even a close approximation of her birthdate, not with her age.

I was just thinking, it might have to do with concern with your strong transference with your ex-T.

Example: L is 4 years younger than me and I have maternal transference with her. For her, she's completely okay with the transference and our ages don't bother her. For me, it bothers me. I have learned to just accept it and not fight it, but when I think about it, it feels weird.

Maybe your T is just concerned for you and any possible transference?

My transference with therapists has always been romantic but just like a crush sort of thing. I don't want to date them or anything. Whenever I've brought up the subject of having a crush on your therapist they have said that is not good.

I guess part of me wants to have a little bit of a crush/transfernce with her just so I can erase the old one completly from my mind. But since we don't choose who we are attracted to, just like we don't choose the gender we identify as, its just not happening with her.

I imagine she was just uncomfortable disclosing her birthday, not that she is uncomfortable with you being the same age/slightly older. I imagine lots of her clients are older than her.

She seems to be uncomfortable with any type of semi personal question even if I just mean it in a casual type way. I asked her what foods she liked to eat and she halfway laughed and said "why are we talking about me." And then at the end I asked her if she got her jeans from Old Navy and she seemed super uncomfortable by the question and said "um, no." I don't mean anything by my questions I'm just trying to make conversation. My social skills just suck and having random conversations sprinkled throughout the session helps to improve them.

Some Ts are blank slate Ts. They rarely if ever talk about themselves. T was a little bit blank slate. I asked her once what her favorite color was. She hesitated. I asked her if she was afraid I'd go decorate my entire house in that color. She laughed and told me.

It seems wise that your T wants to keep the focus on you. Sometimes clients can get distracted or avoid conversations by focusing on their T. You can still practice your social skills while talking about your own issues.

Are you sure this is the right T for you? Or even like I said before, my you're looking for faults in this T or are comparing her with your ex-T? You seem to have a lot of issues with her: her weight, her age, her transparency...

I am sure. And I don't know what transparency is. Honestly. I just didn't get what the big deal was about the questions I asked.

I am sure she is the right therapist for me. The age or weight thing didn't cross my mind today. I had similar issues with my transference T. The weight one was even worse tbh. That one is complicated to explain though. and she was 11 years older which caused definte romantic transference issues.

My current one is the right fit.

Transparency is like being open and honest and forthcoming.

I think this might be one of the issues about why she doesn't tell me stuff. The whole doing the same stuff thing. Especially since I told her I have done it in the past and she called it creepy behavior. Although why I do the same things are often not because of the reasons they think. Sometimes its just by accident. Me and my transference T vacationed in the same town a week apart and had dogs with the same name. All that happened way before I met her. Sometimes things just happen. But yes doing the same thing on purpose has happened before.