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AliceKate
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Default Jan 27, 2022 at 12:57 PM
  #21
I guess I am somewhere between irritation and laughter when I have to finish a session for T. The first few sessions, he finished them on the dot, but right now, he seems willing to let me talk until I'm done, so I've ended up finishing it for him twice now, almost on the dot. I wonder why he does that. I feel he's just trying things out to see how I will react, which generally is a good thing, because getting to know me is kind of his job.
With xT, she sometimes did longer sessions and sometimes shorter ones and it irritated me quite a bit, but I never said anything.

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Default Jan 27, 2022 at 01:53 PM
  #22
My T signs her emails off with the word Best. So her emails will look like:

Email

Best

T's name

I don't know why but it just really annoys me for some reason. It also kind of rubs me the wrong way that she keeps assuming I'm going to face discrimnation and rude people when I go back to work.

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Default Jan 27, 2022 at 02:08 PM
  #23
Ah! Signatures. Every since I shared some of my threads with L, she has started using the same abbreviations. For example, when referring to herself, she write "L"...lol. I think it's cute. However, I hate it when she signs her emails with both her first name and last name initial. I just want to scream! I do not ever address her by her last name. I hate it when she does it.

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Default Jan 27, 2022 at 04:43 PM
  #24
So far my current T doesn’t do or say too many things that I hate. My ex-t was pretty good but over 10 yrs there were a couple that rubbed me the wrong way.

One was that she insisted on using my full name which almost no one does. I don’t sign my emails that way, I don’t introduce myself that way, it just feels weird. In fairness, I don’t think I ever specifically asked her not to. Probably bc she mostly used my name in emails and then I wasn’t thinking about it when we saw each other.

The other was that she said on at least 4 separate occasions that “it is not your child’s job to make you feel like a good parent.” Each time she delivered it like it was some grand piece of wisdom. And each time I experienced it as condescending and judgemental. Like really, what she’d taken from an entire anecdote about me being ready to tear my hair out over some seeming nightmare with my kid boiled down to me feeing narcissistically slighted over his failure to validate me? And I never told her to STFU because I didn’t want to be defensive and wanted to remain open to the possibility that maybe I was using him to validate me? Because obviously I don’t want to do that to my kids.

Anyway. Those are two things I hated.
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Default Jan 27, 2022 at 04:54 PM
  #25
Quote:
Originally Posted by susannahsays View Post
English is her first language.

See above for my response to AliceKate bringing this up.

Out of curiosity, do you use pronouns that match the gender of people when referring to them, or do you use the pronoun matching the gender of person (or some other category)? If you refer to women using feminine pronouns, is because a woman is female or because "woman" is feminine? Is it ever considered grammatically correct to refer to a woman, who is known to be a woman, using masculine pronouns? Maybe it is, I really don't know.

I can see how people with first languages as you describe would default to using the pronoun matching the gender of the noun. I have more trouble understanding why the gender of a noun would take precedence over an animal's sex, when it is known. And to be clear, the sentences don't even make use of the words "dog" or "cat" most of the time, but the animal's name.

I think this may come down to me disliking when animals are spoken of essentially as if they are all the same and that their specific features are of no consequence. That's how it feels when she repeatedly uses the wrong pronouns. But like I said, English is her first language, so there's really no excuse.
I can’t think of a situation when a woman would be described as “he”. It’s always “she”.

If I know gender of a dog, I’d use correct pronoun but I can’t guarantee it, I am sure I’d make a mistake .

If I don’t know gender of a dog I’d use “she” in one of my languages and “he” in the other and I am not sure what’d I’d say in English if i didn’t know the gender. Probably “he” because the word “dog” sounds masculine to me.

Honestly none of that is that deep, it’s a language construct/complex grammar rather than deep concept of respecting animals.

Anyways none of it applies here as she is a native speaker
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Default Jan 27, 2022 at 05:17 PM
  #26
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Also, the word 'amazing' was the only word it ever seemed she was capable of using to describe me. It used to make me wonder whether she had any positive thoughts about me at all, if that was the only word she could come up with. I guess I still do wonder that sometimes!
I am sorry that word does not sit well with you Waterbear.. I hear how you wanted her to say more.

Just my 2 cents (please ignore if not helpful - that is not my intent) but for me, 'amazing' tops all other positive qualities or attributes! So, you must have been/be pretty special to T..

Last edited by Rive.; Jan 27, 2022 at 05:32 PM..
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Default Jan 27, 2022 at 05:18 PM
  #27
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Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans View Post
The other was that she said on at least 4 separate occasions that “it is not your child’s job to make you feel like a good parent.” Each time she delivered it like it was some grand piece of wisdom. And each time I experienced it as condescending and judgemental. Like really, what she’d taken from an entire anecdote about me being ready to tear my hair out over some seeming nightmare with my kid boiled down to me feeing narcissistically slighted over his failure to validate me? And I never told her to STFU because I didn’t want to be defensive and wanted to remain open to the possibility that maybe I was using him to validate me? Because obviously I don’t want to do that to my kids..
Ouch. That comment, whatever tone she used to say it, sounds pretty harsh.

I also read it as judgmental. And painful to hear as it made you doubt yourself, or your intentions, re your child. Ouch indeed.. Very misplaced comment there from your T.
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Default Jan 27, 2022 at 11:00 PM
  #28
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If I don’t know gender of a dog I’d use “she” in one of my languages and “he” in the other and I am not sure what’d I’d say in English if i didn’t know the gender. Probably “he” because the word “dog” sounds masculine to me.
I'm not at all bothered if someone doesn't know the gender and just uses whatever pronouns for whatever reason. I'm specifically talking about how she has called her own cat a he instead of she and will call my dogs by the wrong genders even when I've said he/she in the same discussion 5 seconds before.

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Honestly none of that is that deep, it’s a language construct/complex grammar rather than deep concept of respecting animals.
The question was what do you hate. Not what do you hate that's existentially profound and universally accepted as an objective atrocity.

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Default Jan 30, 2022 at 10:11 AM
  #29
What I hate is the random drama from countertransference played out on my most sensitive emotions while trying to open up about these things.
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Default Jan 30, 2022 at 11:20 AM
  #30
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What I hate is the random drama from countertransference played out on my most sensitive emotions while trying to open up about these things.
Oh I see we share the same therapist.
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Default Jan 30, 2022 at 08:31 PM
  #31
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What I hate is the random drama from countertransference played out on my most sensitive emotions while trying to open up about these things.
Ah yes. There’s that. Loathsome.
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Default Jan 30, 2022 at 11:56 PM
  #32
T is inconsistent. He says we will switch to weekly sessions and then he never does it. I hate inconsistencies. I really should have asked him about it last time, to date I am holding somewhere between 5 and 10 possible explanations in my mind. It's not even that I consistently want to increase the frequency, I just dislike not understanding his trail of thought.

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Default Jan 31, 2022 at 09:10 AM
  #33
Gosh, yes. Inconsistency drives me crazy. And yes also to holding 20, 000 explanations in my head in trying to fathom the 'why's' of T's moves.
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