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Default Jun 26, 2022 at 02:20 PM
  #521
I’ve just seen a very judgemental and not very nice comment you have made about a fat person on social media. This makes me feel so unsafe. Just as I was beginning to think that I may at some point be able to talk to you about my unhealthy relationship with food and overeating and body image, I see that. And yes I know it’s my own fault for looking at your social media, particularly as you have no idea I know your account. But still, it gives me a sense of who you truly are.
Do you judge what I look like too? Let’s face it, I am fat so I guess you probably do 😔 You’re probably secretly disgusted by me.
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Default Jun 26, 2022 at 04:09 PM
  #522
You said " I know Mountain Dew is your thing." It reminded me of the part from the movie Mean Girls where Janice Ians says "Everybody in the English speaking world knows that song"

Everyone who knows me knows about my obsession with Mountain Dew. I've had it since 2006. Still a size 32 though.

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Default Jun 26, 2022 at 04:26 PM
  #523
I thought I was at my limit last week with the book debacle.
The powerless place is actually a worse place to be.
I've made as much noise as I possibly can, and hopefully reached the right people.
This does not change anything about the basic situation I am facing.

Having it repeatedly shoved in my face is a sick joke.

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Default Jun 26, 2022 at 04:38 PM
  #524
I want to go back to my old therapy office. I know my transference T won't take me back. But I don't think things are going good between us. I'm trying but you are a distraction and I have a hard time being honest about the things that bother me. I seem to just be unloading on you each week about various health and food issues. Like are we really making progress at all? Especially after last weeks session?

I don't want to ask what you think about the current events. Because I don't know if I'd be able to see past that. But like I have legit fears about whats going on, but what if your the opposite... I literally told anyone to get the **** off my friends list who were for it. Like what would we do if we disagreed? You are ok with trans people and you don't support that man. But I just don't know about this one.

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Last edited by Mountaindewed; Jun 26, 2022 at 06:22 PM..
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Default Jun 27, 2022 at 11:41 AM
  #525
Dear T,
I felt caring from you today, in your reaction to my EKG being OK at my physical, saying you'd been concerned about my heart rate earlier in the year (even though that's improved, plus I got checked out then). And your concern that I'd look back to check on the guinea pigs during my drive and be in a serious accident. It makes me feel cared for, even loved by you, even though you'd never use that word.

Thanks also for offering Sunday with your weird schedule next week, plus being out the week after.

Also, I'm still kinda laughing about the "perfect compromise" comment! I think that laugh released something in me, as I feel lighter. So, thanks, even though I don't know you realized how funny I'd find it!

Love,
LT
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Default Jun 27, 2022 at 12:20 PM
  #526
I hope our appointment doesn't get ****ed over again by some more of my medical stuff. I have a call into my blood doctor to see if I can get my lab test done earlier then the 8th. And if the level is high like I think it is then I'll need another procedure and this week is so full with my mom and my brothers stuff, theres only a few times that I can get it done and I don't know what the centers schedule is like anyways. I'm going out of state on Saturday and I'd prefer to not feel like **** but I also don't want to have our session be screwed over for the 3rd time in a week. I was always told though medical issues came before mental health. Which my mom says is why I'm not finding you very helpful at the moment. So far at this moment we are ok for tommorow.

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Default Jun 27, 2022 at 02:20 PM
  #527
Liar .
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Default Jun 27, 2022 at 04:43 PM
  #528
Yeah it looks like I'll be making it tommorow. I don't know what you have planned. I plan on keeping my comments to myself though and since its an earlier session I won't be totally baked on valium. Also since its in person I don't have to worry about not being able to hear you like last time. I am a bit nervous about it because of how we ended last time and then the email. I did feel like I did good with food these last few days despite the new med. Today was pretty bad though mainly because I was in and out so much and craving full calorie sodas instead of actual food.

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Default Jun 27, 2022 at 06:14 PM
  #529
I wonder what you'd say if I brought up the idea of a 6 month follow up. Does anybody do that? There's some things... chief among them my feeling that I've somehow left something unfinished. Ha but by the time I make up my mind to ask, it will probably be 7 months or 8 months or more.

ps maybe what i'm perceiving as unfinished is just that i'm still not really sure you completely understood why i had to stop. i suppose i should think about why that's even important to me, you understanding, i mean.
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Default Jun 27, 2022 at 09:04 PM
  #530
Dear E:
Your e-mails were really helpful today. The concept of complex PTSD and it regarding me is still really scary. I had to shut the book after about 15 minutes tonight bc I was getting extremely irrationally angry and wanting to SH. I am not sure why I am having such strong reactions to this book.
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Default Jun 28, 2022 at 09:05 AM
  #531
You know what, R?

I think your theory of 'We can't override the [great and glorious] computer' might be right.
I've just spoken to somebody at Amazon, and they didn't say anything about removing it from my recommendations, or ensuring that I don't see it again.

I should be able to manage my recommendations from the website, but that book isn't actually showing up on the main Amazon page.

It's a special form of torture, designed for the app on my tablet, which I use to read in bed...but can't use to read in bed at the moment. The Amazon rep I spoke to this time acknowledged that I'd contacted them about it several times. Surely that's enough to get them to act?



Absolutely ****ing unbelievable. Also, I'd hate to be in crisis trying to navigate that mental health charity's site. I can't find a way to contact them about this either.

Heads would roll, if I could only reach them.

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Default Jun 28, 2022 at 10:08 AM
  #532
Hey Lost, as an aspiring software geek I understand your frustration as a user, but unless it is a feature many users require it's propably not very high on the list of things to be implemented and might very well never be implemented at all. Sorry to bring bad news

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Default Jun 28, 2022 at 10:37 AM
  #533
I see you in a bit. I don't know how you'll respond. I haven't seen you in person in 2 weeks. There was that kinda issue on Friday. I've lost 2 pounds since we last met and I'm not sure how I'll look to you. I think the last time we met in person I had a giant hoodie on and now I have on a T shirt and jeans. My eating has been decent. My quality has improved my quantity is still bad. I guess maybe I'm mainly worried about the email I sent.

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Default Jun 28, 2022 at 12:57 PM
  #534
I don’t remember much of the second half of our session today, seems like I must have gone in to a bit of a dissociative state.
I did think you might give me my book back. I lent it to you a month a go now and it’s not like it’s that long. I thought you would be done with it by this point, but perhaps it’s not taken your interest. Although seeing as I told you it is the most helpful and relatable book about mental health and trauma that I have read, I would have thought you would have wanted to read it, especially as I had highlighted all the bits that so strongly resonated with me. Maybe I’ll work up the courage to ask you whether you’ve finished it on Friday, or take the easy way out and email and ask.
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Default Jun 28, 2022 at 02:16 PM
  #535
I know you think I'm eating right now but I'm not. I know I was crabby today and I think I was just hangry. I didn't really find anything we did today helpful except clearing the air about last session.

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Default Jun 28, 2022 at 02:21 PM
  #536
Liar .
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Default Jun 28, 2022 at 02:45 PM
  #537
Thanks for everythig, T. Have a good vacation I'm not even holding my breath, waiting for the insurer to accept the renewed application for more hours. For some undisclosed reason, I have faith.

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Default Jun 28, 2022 at 02:46 PM
  #538
Please help me tonight, T. Give me some words of encouragement or some hope or something. I need tomorrow to be a good day! Thanks xo Kit

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Default Jun 28, 2022 at 04:26 PM
  #539
I do feel better after eating. But I just don't know about you. I looked at the post it note you gave me with the food list on it and its practically identical to one you made me 2 weeks ago and not much off from the one we did in Januaray. I can't tell if its me or you but our sessions are just repeptive I sometimes feel like I don't need therapy at all but more like a mentor who can help me with my fear of public places. I'm not sure though if my pdoc or my endocronolgist would agree that I don't need therapy.

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Default Jun 28, 2022 at 05:07 PM
  #540
Dear T,

I'll probably write this in my journal, but for not as I am in bed here will do instead. Well, that was interesting wasn't it. A good session. It actually felt a little like it did when I first met you, when we were 'just' talking about K. It felt easier. It felt more comfortable. At least after I had found a way to reconnect my head to my body. You are right, I was a little hesitant to say those words. It took a fair while for me to be able to see what was going on for me, but then it just came to me, and when it did it sounded too absurd to say out loud, but I did and I am proud of myself for it.

So much ground covered today. Granted, not what you may have initially thought/hoped we would cover, but ground none the less, which I am pleased about. Steps are still steps, after all.

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