[Rive.]

How does your therapist react to your anger? I specifically mean anger directed towards them.

Do they encourage your expression(s) of anger? Are these welcome in session or does T get defensive or punitive, maybe?

What about you - are you comfortable expressing anger at T? Do you feel you have to censor yourself?

[Waterbear]

I used to really really really struggle with feeling anger toward my Ex T. In the beginning. I remember very early on her saying she would do something and forgetting. I couldn't tell her that it had upset me. It built up and built up inside me for weeks if not months, and in the end I managed to tell her I was angry with her. She was, this time and always, very accepting of this emotion (in person!) And actually almost encouraged me to feel it, to be open to it, to bring it to session and to work it through with her. She never once got defensive. She told me it made her sad that she had messed up, or sorry that she had got things wrong etc, and always apologised if she felt it warranted.

The only time this wasn't the case was via email. We had quite a lot of email correspondence over the years, it was a part of the process for me, but when I wrote to her and expressed anger towards her in those emails she always (only ever did it twice I think!) shut the communication down, saying that she would be there at our next session to talk about it with me. No kind words, no normal T. Very odd indeed. I brought it up once, but that conversation didn't go like our normal ones either, so I dropped it. I figured she can't be 'perfect', and this was one trait I could live with.

[LonesomeTonight]

I'm someone who struggles with expressing anger in general--more likely to turn it inward. But I've gotten better at it. The few times I've expressed anger at my T, he has expressed some anger right back. Which has been difficult and led to a rupture or two. And led me to avoid expressing it for the most part, though I haven't really felt it toward him that often.

I feel like T's should, to some extent, be able to contain our anger, to not take it personally in the way that a friend or relative or partner would. My T doesn't believe that so much. I think of his somewhat classic (on here) line from a few years ago of "You affect me, LT!" As in he's going to feel something from what I say to him, good or bad.

I will say that my T has said it's much better (in all relationships) to express annoyance, frustration, or anger early on rather than letting it build into something bigger, where you then explode. And that has helped me in some ways, where I've mentioned things to him earlier (and also things to my husband and to friends, though it backfired with one friend, but that's a long story).

He's also said that he wouldn't just terminate me if he was angry with me, that we'd talk it through. And that has helped me feel safer in expressing things when I'm bothered by something he's said or done (yet true anger is still more difficult and scary for me to acknowledge in myself, let alone express). And he will also share if he's frustrated or annoyed with me (if I ask), though that's difficult for me as well.

[ScarletPimpernel]

L feels proud of me when I express my anger at her. She says it's a relief and makes her feel part of my team. She says she can't help with what she doesn't know. Same with she can't be sorry if she doesn't know what for. And she won't apologize until she understands the situation enough because she doesn't want to falsely apologize. I'm learning that at least with her, if I express my anger, the misunderstanding or rupture is more quickly resolved.

As for normal anger, that too she is proud of me for expressing. She knows I'm good at turning it around and taking it out on myself. Or like my H does: he gets angry at me for being angry at him... L has encouraged me to speak my anger, tell her my fantasies, and even start to use curse words.

[velcro003]

My talk T once exclaimed “I would LOVE it if you got angry at me!” lol

My art T has expressed a similar sentiment. Unless
they do some crazy, egregious error, I can’t imagine being angry at them. I turn all my anger inwards.

[Echos Myron redux]

He's always said it's fine, till this last rupture when he responded really badly to it. Got very defensive and withdrew. So unlike him. Later he said "Something must have been triggered in me. On paper, of course it is okay for you to be angry with me. I'm sorry I responded like I did".

[downandlonely]

I haven't done therapy for years, but in general have trouble expressing anger and usually turn it inwards.

I do prefer that if I do something that upsets someone else, they tell me about it right away rather than expecting me to read minds. I am good about modifying my behavior, but only if I know that I've done something hurtful. If I am not told, I will probably continue the same hurtful behavior.

[Mountaindewed]

When I get angry my therapist just responds by acting very tired. Not like she is exasperated with me but just kind of like she is burned out in general. She apologizes and then I feel bad for getting mad in the first place. I only got mad at her a couple times when she was 15 minutes late with another client two times in a row. She kinda indicated that this was a difficult client who needed a lot of help.