Couch 237: Social Rules

Yes but I think if it's activated, like, 15 times a year then it isn't awe. Not unless you work in museums or Sotheby's or traveling the world or something? A National Geographic photographer? Maybe medical research or midwifery?


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If I crop them kind of square-ish, they tend not to go sideways. (Maybe I should try that with a few other things in my life...)

Yes. Absolutely.

Ugh, Dr. T texted a bit ago and said he needs to switch to Zoom for our session in an hour. I'm worried it's Covid-related, that either he tested positive or was exposed (like his wife, son, or client did). And if he was exposed by a client, even if he doesn't get it, I imagine he'll shut down in person because he and/or his wife will be spooked.

I know it could be a lot of different things, but seems like weird timing, plus still able to meet via Zoom (as in, I doubt he has food poisoning, or he'd have just canceled). I'm just thankful this didn't happen on Monday, when we had the whole conflict/rupture repair thing from the texting. As that was something that I felt I needed in person for. Though hopefully he didn't give me Covid!

Perhaps somewhat ironically, I actually tested myself a bit ago (before his text) because I had a very vivid dream that I'd tested positive and was wondering if it was body trying to tell me something. So I didn't want to risk taking it into his office. Suppose I could have saved a test... (it was negative, obviously, or I wouldn't have considered going in).

This has been your look into LT's catastrophizing brain.

For those who say you have a sense of awe - does it make you feel one with the universe or expansive or anything like that?
I am trying to figure out if I have ever had it.

Yes.


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I'm not entirely sure whether I have a sense of awe. Maybe when I was younger I did? I can feel really connected to a song or think "Wow, that's beautiful" looking at a sunset, but I'm not sure I felt "awe" per se.

This makes me think of when my T asked me sometime in the past year about a feeling of joy, and I really was struggling to think of when, if ever, I had actually felt what I think is defined as "joy." Which really made me think.

SD - Yes, I have a sense of awe. Usually inspired by being in nature, or a beautiful piece of music.

It gives me a sense of peace when I am able to connect with it.

LT - that sucks. I am really sorry you're going through it. Crossing my fingers for you that it is just a blip and not 'permanent'.

God almighty, no. If anything it makes me feel small and insignificant.

Are you in therapy again?

It does different things to me. Like when I visited St Peter's Basilica years ago, I was overcome with emotion at the size and beauty of it. It was almost too much for my sensitive soul to take in.

Sitting out in the desert one night with my drumming friends, all of us looking up at the stars in wonder, the awe I felt that particular night was filled with a sense of connected-ness, we-are-one-ness, with everything - my friends, the creatures out among the cacti singing their night-songs, the stars, the moon... looking at the stars in particular also makes me feel just how small I am in comparison to all of the universe, and by extension, how small what I perceive as my problems are, which gives me perspective.

Last month when I was spending a lot of time reading poetry, there was here and there a feeling of awe at the way someone so perfectly described my own feelings about some thing or other - that connected-ness thing again.

Every now and then the magnificent colors in a southern arizona sunset will fill me with that sense of wonder and beauty that to me is awe.

Thanks, Lost. Will update when I find out (session in 15 minutes...) I just hope he tells me and isn't like "something came up," but if it was at all Covid-related, I'd think he would? Especially if it involved any possible chance of exposure for me. But maybe it's something utterly unrelated?

My sense of awe is inspired by roses, pineapples, and Cap'n Crunch. To live in such a place where these things exist is some kind of miracle. Who comes up with this ish?! Of course, we know the answer to who came up with Cap'n Crunch - it was a little old lady.

Also inspired by my facebook relationship with an elementary school classmate. Any of the class, really. It's like we are brothers and sisters. I dont have that extent of feeling with family, and really not with the nuclear family. That was just one of exclusion.

So i guess its a maslow's need for me - feeling a part of something.

I hope it all works out okay. I'd think too he would say if it had to do with a possible covid exposure for you. i hope it's something unrelated to covid and not anything major. I hope you have a good session.

Feeling awe and running like a bat out of hell are probably mutually exclusive states of being.

I watched an eclipse early afternoon with the entire office building emptied out in front. Being in such a uni-directed crowd was almost as shiver-inducing.

Boy who woke up Chatty this morning?

I think I have felt awe before, like the first time I rode a horse, or coming to a new country. It's not something that I feel on a regular basis. Sometimes I will catch the sunrise (we have really beautiful sunrises here in the desert) and I will almost be in tears because it is breathtaking so yeah I think that is awe. But it is kind of like joy for me, it is far and few between. It is something that I would like to experience more though.

I cancelled my T appointment last night because I wasn't feeling well. My stomach was off all day and I felt nauseated and such. She said if I need to I can talk to her this weekend, or else we will just talk next week. My stomach is mostly feeling better today so that's good. My T didn't charge me a missed session fee or anything so that is also nice!

Does psilocybin induced count?

Update that Dr. T started off the session saying "It's not pandemic-related." I said my first thought had been "Do you have Covid?" He seemed like he didn't want to share what it actually was, so I didn't push on it.

What's interesting is that he said he'd wondered if I would have thought the change was due to our discussion Monday about the texts. Me: "Honestly, it didn't even occur to me that it might be the reason. I guess that's a good sign that I feel OK about our conversation Monday?" Dr. T: "I think so." Me: "Now if it had been Monday that you'd changed to virtual last minute, I might have felt differently."

Was a generally good session, felt a bit odd being virtual after a few months of in-person (in part because he was in his reading glasses), but it was OK.