advertisement
Closed Thread
Thread Tools Display Modes
SlumberKitty
Legendary Wise Elder
 
SlumberKitty's Avatar
SlumberKitty is staying stable.
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
117.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 10, 2022 at 09:51 AM
  #21
To make matters worse, I don't know exactly what I am going to talk about tonight in therapy. I have a vague sense of feeling depressed but it's going to be hard to put words to and I feel defeated so I don't think there is anything she or I can do about it anyway.

__________________
Dum Spiro Spero
IC XC NIKA
SlumberKitty is offline  
 
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight
 
Thanks for this!
Quietmind 2

advertisement
SlumberKitty
Legendary Wise Elder
 
SlumberKitty's Avatar
SlumberKitty is staying stable.
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
117.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 10, 2022 at 09:52 AM
  #22
Una, thanks for the new couch! You are always so on top of that!

__________________
Dum Spiro Spero
IC XC NIKA
SlumberKitty is offline  
 
Hugs from:
unaluna
 
Thanks for this!
unaluna
SlumberKitty
Legendary Wise Elder
 
SlumberKitty's Avatar
SlumberKitty is staying stable.
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
117.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 10, 2022 at 10:00 AM
  #23
I have a vague feeling of paranoia today too but it is hard to pinpoint. I'm not sure if it is real paranoia or hyped up anxiety. Not sure whether to take a PRN Xanax or a PRN Lybalvi. One is for anxiety, one is for Schizoaffective Disorder. Hmmm. I definitely can't take both. I made that mistake before and ended up like a Zombie. I could hardly walk straight because of the medication.

__________________
Dum Spiro Spero
IC XC NIKA
SlumberKitty is offline  
 
Hugs from:
AliceKate, LonesomeTonight
 
Thanks for this!
Quietmind 2
LonesomeTonight
Always in This Twilight
 
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,695 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
74.8k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 10, 2022 at 10:33 AM
  #24
Quote:
Originally Posted by SlumberKitty View Post
So, I set up the Zoom appointment for my therapy appointment tonight at six because my therapist does not know how to do it. And I sent her my copay via Zelle. And I text messaged her to let her know these things were done.

T responded: Thank you. You are very thoughtful, reliable, helpful, responsible, considerate. I wish I could clone you so all my clients would have these gifts.

Um. I know that is supposed to be a compliment. So why does it make me feel bad?

Hmm. Maybe the depression I think I am in is putting a negative view on everything or making me feel bad for her other clients that aren't getting such praise. Or something. Ugh. Sometimes I hate interacting with T's because no matter what I do or say or what they do or say, I just end up feeling miserable and bad.
If we're feeling bad about ourselves, it can be very difficult to accept compliments. Like maybe someone would tell me I'm a good friend, and I think, "No, I'm not," thinking of, say, a time I forgot to check in with them about something or how I probably talk about my own stuff too much (doesn't help that an ex-friend told me that). Or my employer might tell me I'm doing good at my job, and I think of the couple things that I missed/got wrong rather than the things I consistently get right.

Or with therapy, Dr. T has said positive things about me as a client, how I'm very engaged in the work, am always on time for session, am respectful of his boundaries, etc. But then, say, yesterday, when I walked right back to his office after I left to seek reassurance, I had the thought of "I must be his most annoying client ever."

I think this would actually be a good thing to mention to your T, particularly as it could be a symptom of depression.
LonesomeTonight is offline  
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
Quietmind 2, SlumberKitty
SlumberKitty
Legendary Wise Elder
 
SlumberKitty's Avatar
SlumberKitty is staying stable.
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
117.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 10, 2022 at 10:38 AM
  #25
Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
If we're feeling bad about ourselves, it can be very difficult to accept compliments. Like maybe someone would tell me I'm a good friend, and I think, "No, I'm not," thinking of, say, a time I forgot to check in with them about something or how I probably talk about my own stuff too much (doesn't help that an ex-friend told me that). Or my employer might tell me I'm doing good at my job, and I think of the couple things that I missed/got wrong rather than the things I consistently get right.

Or with therapy, Dr. T has said positive things about me as a client, how I'm very engaged in the work, am always on time for session, am respectful of his boundaries, etc. But then, say, yesterday, when I walked right back to his office after I left to seek reassurance, I had the thought of "I must be his most annoying client ever."

I think this would actually be a good thing to mention to your T, particularly as it could be a symptom of depression.
Good points, LT.

__________________
Dum Spiro Spero
IC XC NIKA
SlumberKitty is offline  
 
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight
 
Thanks for this!
Quietmind 2
Quietmind 2
Poohbah
Quietmind 2 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2020
Location: Somewhere I'm working to leave
Posts: 1,243
3 yr Member
8 hugs
given
Default May 10, 2022 at 11:03 AM
  #26
Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
If we're feeling bad about ourselves, it can be very difficult to accept compliments. Like maybe someone would tell me I'm a good friend, and I think, "No, I'm not," thinking of, say, a time I forgot to check in with them about something or how I probably talk about my own stuff too much (doesn't help that an ex-friend told me that). Or my employer might tell me I'm doing good at my job, and I think of the couple things that I missed/got wrong rather than the things I consistently get right.

Or with therapy, Dr. T has said positive things about me as a client, how I'm very engaged in the work, am always on time for session, am respectful of his boundaries, etc. But then, say, yesterday, when I walked right back to his office after I left to seek reassurance, I had the thought of "I must be his most annoying client ever."

I think this would actually be a good thing to mention to your T, particularly as it could be a symptom of depression.
Omg, good point.
Quietmind 2 is offline  
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
unaluna
Elder Harridan x-hankster
 
unaluna's Avatar
unaluna Female luna moth - Please, dont @mention me?Thanks!
 
Member Since: Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 39,751 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
66k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 10, 2022 at 11:50 AM
  #27
Quote:
Originally Posted by SlumberKitty View Post
...T responded: Thank you. You are very thoughtful, reliable, helpful, responsible, considerate. I wish I could clone you so all my clients would have these gifts.

Um. I know that is supposed to be a compliment. So why does it make me feel bad? .
Because if i were rightly rewarded, i would be president for all the initiative i've taken.
unaluna is offline  
 
Thanks for this!
ElectricManatee, WarmFuzzySocks
ElectricManatee
Magnate
 
ElectricManatee's Avatar
ElectricManatee has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2017
Location: Earth
Posts: 2,515
5 yr Member
4,704 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 10, 2022 at 11:52 AM
  #28
Quote:
Originally Posted by SlumberKitty View Post
So, I set up the Zoom appointment for my therapy appointment tonight at six because my therapist does not know how to do it. And I sent her my copay via Zelle. And I text messaged her to let her know these things were done.

T responded: Thank you. You are very thoughtful, reliable, helpful, responsible, considerate. I wish I could clone you so all my clients would have these gifts.

Um. I know that is supposed to be a compliment. So why does it make me feel bad?

Hmm. Maybe the depression I think I am in is putting a negative view on everything or making me feel bad for her other clients that aren't getting such praise. Or something. Ugh. Sometimes I hate interacting with T's because no matter what I do or say or what they do or say, I just end up feeling miserable and bad.
Another perspective: none of this should be your job, aside from paying the co-pay. You are forced to set things up for yourself and for her, rather than have her take care of it for you as nearly all other therapists would. And while she absolutely intended what she said as a compliment, instead on some level you feel uncared for and unseen. She is missing the dynamic at play and reinforcing the status quo by saying "thank you!" rather than "you shouldn't have to do that." But it seems like kind of a little thing to feel frustrated with having to do for her, so rather than balk at it or get angry, you just feel generally uneasy and unhappy. (It might also subconsciously link to having to be prematurely self-reliant in childhood too, or at least it would for me.)
ElectricManatee is offline  
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
AliceKate, LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, Quietmind 2, SlumberKitty, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
unaluna
Elder Harridan x-hankster
 
unaluna's Avatar
unaluna Female luna moth - Please, dont @mention me?Thanks!
 
Member Since: Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 39,751 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
66k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 10, 2022 at 11:59 AM
  #29
Manatee childhood parentification certainly applies to me. There was never any "doing together." It was, show me how, then i do it myself forever. Then eventually get made fun of for how i adapted it. Straight out of "How Not To Raise Children."
unaluna is offline  
 
Hugs from:
ElectricManatee, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
SlumberKitty
Legendary Wise Elder
 
SlumberKitty's Avatar
SlumberKitty is staying stable.
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
117.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 10, 2022 at 12:12 PM
  #30
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElectricManatee View Post
Another perspective: none of this should be your job, aside from paying the co-pay. You are forced to set things up for yourself and for her, rather than have her take care of it for you as nearly all other therapists would. And while she absolutely intended what she said as a compliment, instead on some level you feel uncared for and unseen. She is missing the dynamic at play and reinforcing the status quo by saying "thank you!" rather than "you shouldn't have to do that." But it seems like kind of a little thing to feel frustrated with having to do for her, so rather than balk at it or get angry, you just feel generally uneasy and unhappy. (It might also subconsciously link to having to be prematurely self-reliant in childhood too, or at least it would for me.)
WOW EM! I think you hit the nail on the head. I wasn't even thinking about it this way (particularly as some of my schizoaffective thinking is out today and I am a bit paranoid, anxious, and agitated which is making thinking more difficult in general) but yes I do feel generally uneasy and unhappy having to do the things that the T should do. I had to sign up for Zoom Pro so that we could have the full session and she hasn't even done that. You're right. It's a little thing. It shouldn't bother me. But on some level I think it does. It sort of reinforces the idea that maybe she can't help me. That I am not in it with her, or that she is not in it with me. That I have to be self-reliant, which as you linked it to, I had to be self-reliant in childhood when my parents should have been taking care of me, and I don't want to be complimented for it. Of course, being the non-confrontational person that I am, I doubt I can actually bring any of this up in therapy where you know, it would be helpful to talk about. But definitely an eye-opening response to my post and I thank you very much!

__________________
Dum Spiro Spero
IC XC NIKA
SlumberKitty is offline  
 
Hugs from:
AliceKate, ElectricManatee, LonesomeTonight, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
 
Thanks for this!
ElectricManatee, Quietmind 2, unaluna
SlumberKitty
Legendary Wise Elder
 
SlumberKitty's Avatar
SlumberKitty is staying stable.
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
117.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 10, 2022 at 12:19 PM
  #31
I am feeling so agitated. I know it is part of the schizoaffective disorder, but I don't get agitation very often, not this bad at least. I couldn't decide if I was hyper anxious or feeling paranoid so I didn't know what PRN to take but I finally decided to take the Lybalvi which is for the Schizoaffective Disorder, and which has some calming properties. Except I am not feeling very calm. I am having some trouble "sitting with myself" and I feel like I need to move, which unfortunately I am at work. I can take a walk to the water cooler or something but it's not going to settle down the part that feels so agitated. I keep rubbing my face and my hands and I'm sure it looks really odd and I'm trying to stop but I feel compelled to do it. I think I am anxious at the same time which is a lot of thoughts in my head that are difficult to sort. I think I am paranoid some today too which might just be a magnification of the anxiety, or it might be it's own manifestation, so I am trying to not feel watched and spied upon, at the same time, realizing that I am anxious and feeling like some stuff is out of my control. I am having a hard time being me at the moment. It does not help that I have very little to do at work at the moment, though I might get more work later. So I am having trouble getting sufficiently distracted or focused, so the face rubbing and hand rubbing goes on. I am trying to do deep breathing and meditation and stuff that I know should help but I am having trouble completing it. So I am talking about it here, of course, hoping someone will relate.

__________________
Dum Spiro Spero
IC XC NIKA
SlumberKitty is offline  
 
Hugs from:
AliceKate, ElectricManatee, LonesomeTonight
LostOnTheTrail
Tweaky Dog
 
LostOnTheTrail's Avatar
LostOnTheTrail has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,773
10 yr Member
3,103 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 10, 2022 at 12:20 PM
  #32
That's a lot to pay on top of what you're already paying her, Kit. Spending time setting up the session takes away from time that you could use to prepare for your appointment, or do self-care, or....

EM made some excellent points.

__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
LostOnTheTrail is offline  
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
ElectricManatee, LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2, SlumberKitty, unaluna
SlumberKitty
Legendary Wise Elder
 
SlumberKitty's Avatar
SlumberKitty is staying stable.
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
117.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 10, 2022 at 12:25 PM
  #33
Quote:
Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail View Post
That's a lot to pay on top of what you're already paying her, Kit. Spending time setting up the session takes away from time that you could use to prepare for your appointment, or do self-care, or....

EM made some excellent points.
Thank you, Lost.

__________________
Dum Spiro Spero
IC XC NIKA
SlumberKitty is offline  
SlumberKitty
Legendary Wise Elder
 
SlumberKitty's Avatar
SlumberKitty is staying stable.
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
117.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 10, 2022 at 12:49 PM
  #34
Agitation is starting to feel a bit better. I'm still having it but it is lessening. I think the Lybalvi is helping the agitation but it's making my concentration crap.

__________________
Dum Spiro Spero
IC XC NIKA
SlumberKitty is offline  
 
Hugs from:
AliceKate
LonesomeTonight
Always in This Twilight
 
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,695 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
74.8k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 10, 2022 at 01:02 PM
  #35
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElectricManatee View Post
Another perspective: none of this should be your job, aside from paying the co-pay. You are forced to set things up for yourself and for her, rather than have her take care of it for you as nearly all other therapists would. And while she absolutely intended what she said as a compliment, instead on some level you feel uncared for and unseen. She is missing the dynamic at play and reinforcing the status quo by saying "thank you!" rather than "you shouldn't have to do that." But it seems like kind of a little thing to feel frustrated with having to do for her, so rather than balk at it or get angry, you just feel generally uneasy and unhappy. (It might also subconsciously link to having to be prematurely self-reliant in childhood too, or at least it would for me.)

Some really good points here!
LonesomeTonight is offline  
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
Quietmind 2
RTerroni
Elder
 
RTerroni's Avatar
RTerroni has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 5,751
10 yr Member
2,136 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 10, 2022 at 01:09 PM
  #36
Took the insurance exam a second time today and didn't pass it again, now I have to decide if I want to take it a third time.

__________________
COVID-19 Survivor- 4/26/2022
RTerroni is offline  
 
Hugs from:
ElectricManatee, SlumberKitty, unaluna
SlumberKitty
Legendary Wise Elder
 
SlumberKitty's Avatar
SlumberKitty is staying stable.
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
117.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 10, 2022 at 01:19 PM
  #37
Repair shop called, where I have had my car for the past two days. They could not get it to replicate the sound. So they didn't fix anything. My Mom and Dad are going to go pick it up for me. Probably tomorrow when I drive my car again it will make the clunking sound again. That is my kind of luck!

__________________
Dum Spiro Spero
IC XC NIKA
SlumberKitty is offline  
 
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight, unaluna
SlumberKitty
Legendary Wise Elder
 
SlumberKitty's Avatar
SlumberKitty is staying stable.
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
117.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 10, 2022 at 01:19 PM
  #38
Quote:
Originally Posted by RTerroni View Post
Took the insurance exam a second time today and didn't pass it again, now I have to decide if I want to take it a third time.
I'm sorry you didn't pass. That must be hard.

__________________
Dum Spiro Spero
IC XC NIKA
SlumberKitty is offline  
ElectricManatee
Magnate
 
ElectricManatee's Avatar
ElectricManatee has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2017
Location: Earth
Posts: 2,515
5 yr Member
4,704 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 10, 2022 at 01:39 PM
  #39
I'm glad my thoughts were helpful to you, Kit. I also wanted to add -- in case it wasn't 100% clear -- that I don't think this is a little thing and I do think you are absolutely justified in feeling upset about it. I think most people would feel put out by it and especially people with any sort of neglect in their background.

I am generally a conscientious, responsible person too, and my impulse to "take care of" my T (as she puts it) has come up several times in different ways over the years. Sometimes I'm just being kind in a way that's in character for me, but sometimes I realize I am doing it because I (subconsciously) think she won't like me or want to help me if I don't please her, which is an unhelpful pattern from childhood.

I also think it's okay to not bring it up with her if you don't feel like you can. Sometimes just recognizing what you feel and why is a huge accomplishment, even if you're not ready to do anything about it right now.
ElectricManatee is offline  
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty, unaluna
 
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, Quietmind 2, SlumberKitty, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
RTerroni
Elder
 
RTerroni's Avatar
RTerroni has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 5,751
10 yr Member
2,136 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 10, 2022 at 01:42 PM
  #40
Quote:
Originally Posted by SlumberKitty View Post
I'm sorry you didn't pass. That must be hard.
It is, I think there are certain concepts that I can't seem to grasp no matter how many times I go over them.

__________________
COVID-19 Survivor- 4/26/2022
RTerroni is offline  
 
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:02 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.