Couch 237: Social Rules

Im watching Face/Off for the first time. Its kinda fun to watch Nick Cage and John Travolta do each other's signature moves.

Also, I was thinking about you while doing some work today, because the paper I'm editing keeps mentioning NP-complete and NP-hard. No, I don't fully understand what those mean, but it actually makes it easier to copy edit when I don't understand it all! (That may not make much sense to non-copy editors....)

Not depressing. But I think it sells people short in a sappy way.


I know lots of autistic adults who lead full, complex lives--relationships, married, careers, even children. Most have support, some don't use speech to communicate, but they are amazing people. Do not sell your daughter short. Let her dream, help her pursue her interests in any way that brings her joy. How many in your family are able to be a doctor anyway? How many dream about it, but then get waylaid to something else?


I think your therapist commented about a friend's child who asked his mom what if he had different goals for himself. Your therapist took that to mean he was asking if she would still love him. I think it's pretty clear the kid meant what he said--what if he had different goals for himself than his mother did? In other words--he wants a say in his life and was asking if she could respect that.


I know a parent who regularly had to check herself and let her daughter make mistakes, take risks, go on dates. Her daughter would leave her cell at home just so her mom couldn't bug her. When her daughter was in school, teachers said she'd never learn to read. Her mom said, hold my beer. Flash forward, the daughter lives in her own apartment with a caregiver roommate and holds down a fun career with a corporation that matched her skills with an opportunity they had. The daughter wanted a job where she could wear a suit, and she got one. She has down syndrome btw.

I know parents feel grief in early years, when a diagnosis is made, but that's whole notion is shifting. It's pretty abelist. Have you read Welcome to Holland? It's a short little essay by a parent, a bit out dated, but you might find some comfort in it.

Anyway, who's to say that what's typical is the right way to do or be anything? Get out there and let her roar. She seems like the roaring type anyway. As she grows, connect her to people who appreciate her and can be a support (lots of supports out there), let her surprise you.

Caught napping!

Just got home from h's procedure. They were running a bit behind but all is well, he's happy to be back home, after instructing me in how to drive the whole way home (!) which I expected ha. Our 'new' car handles SO well. I was only a tiny bit nervous on the highway. The surgery center is clear on the other side of town, of course. He has a followup appt with the cardiologist on Monday and a list of instructions to follow between now and then. I am so relieved it is over and all went well!

Glad to hear all went well!

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The new thread is here: Couch 238: Appreciating Small Progress Couch