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20oney
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Thumbs down May 21, 2022 at 12:49 AM
  #1
My T is on vacation and I don’t know how to cope through it. I’ve somewhat recently really felt/allowed myself to attach or become dependent on the relationship. Like I’m feel like they care and that they are there for me through it all.

Now they’re away and I know they’re coming back but I feel like they’re just gone. So the fact that they’re coming back isn’t making me feel any better because they’re not here right now and they’re not going to be for another 3 weeks. I’ve been crying every day and I don’t know how to lessen the hurt of it. I don’t believe the hurt can be lessened.

I don’t understand why it’s this hard. I do understand, but surely this isn’t right, surely it isn’t meant to hurt this much. It feels like I can’t cope. I know I will cope, but I don’t want to cope because I don’t want to go through all of this. It’s like a forced situation that I just have no say in. I just have to deal with it.

We made plans to cope during this time, I will see someone temporarily and am allowed to make contact as needed, the plans just are not enough. I just want this to be over

What have your experiences been like? Do I just expect to continue to cry for the duration?
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ChickenNoodleSoup
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Default May 21, 2022 at 05:55 AM
  #2
I have been with my T for more than 5 years now. He usually always goes on vaccation at the same times (beginning of kids summer break, Christmas, and another break in February), which I am glad for since I can prepare better.

When I first got attached to him, I definitely suffered a lot during the times where he was gone. It usually got better after a week or so, I am not somebody who holds onto feelings very long, most times I after two weeks more or less felt like maybe I didn't even need him.

One time, I was really struggling and contacted my normal physician for help. I got three "sessions" with her, which were just checkins and being able to talk to somebody for a bit. That helped to get me through, though it wasn't comparable to therapy at all. It certainly wasn't a fun time where I could focus on things other than my T being gone.

By now, I struggle much less. I am still sad we don't get to see each other for a bit, but I can move on as I normally would.

One thing that helped me to cope was to set time aside at my usual session time to do something on my own.
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Waterbear
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Default May 21, 2022 at 06:10 PM
  #3
I used to struggle a lot when my Ex T went on holiday at the beginning of our time together. I found writing to her helped. I wrote whatever j felt, whenever I felt, and I agreed with her that I could drop it round to her before she got back, and she would read it before our session again. It really helped knowing that I could still communicate with her in some way, and that she was definitely planning on coming back. It's really hard though isn't it.
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Rive.
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Default May 22, 2022 at 10:22 AM
  #4
T vacations suck
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ArtleyWilkins
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Default May 22, 2022 at 11:56 AM
  #5
I just called it my therapy vacation, and treated myself to something else with the money I wasn’t spending on a session. An opportunity for self-care.
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*Beth*
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Default May 22, 2022 at 09:21 PM
  #6
My T of 3 years is 71 years old and not in great health, she has severe asthma, so her lungs are messed up. We'll cruise along for a while, then she'll get sick and the notice I get is a few hours prior to a scheduled session. When that happens she's generally on leave for several (3) weeks. Once she got pneumonia and was out for a full 3 months. In general, I'll get 9 sessions with her then she'll be out for 3 weeks. This time was especially hard because I had had a breakdown. We were working on trauma issues and the opportunity was there to really get some work done. Then she got sick. That was 3 weeks ago. I won't know until tomorrow whether she'll be back this week, or not. A lot of people suggest that I find a new therapist. The problem is that my T and I are very bonded. (I am on disability, so have Medicare & don't have to pay to see a therapist, so that's not a huge issue - except that plenty of T's don't accept my insurance.)

These past few weeks have been extremely hard. I did see my T's colleague once, but the connection was flat.

I wish I had some wise words to hand to you. The time when our therapists are away is usually not at all easy. All I can say is, put into practice what you're learning in therapy while your therapist is away. You do know when he'll return, so that's something to look forward to.

Hang in there.

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