What is this feeling?

20oney · May 16, 2022 at 01:29 AM

When your therapist says or does something that just, validates and supports and has all of these positive impacts. But like, it hurts because it’s unheard of in your life. Like, you finally feel like someone cares and is there for you, but it just hurts so much despite being a positive feeling or thing?

LonesomeTonight · May 16, 2022 at 06:11 AM

I'm not sure of a name for it. But I imagine the reason for the feeling is partly because it's making you realize what you have missed from people in your life, from childhood to now. I've felt things like that from my current and past therapist(s)--like what if my parents had just said this to me when I was a child or teen? How different might things have felt? So there's a sadness there.

It also might hurt because you don't feel you deserve it, due to messages from childhood, maybe the present, and your own mind. I'd definitely mention it to your therapist if you haven't already.

Rive. · May 16, 2022 at 08:43 AM

It touches on the gaping hole of your lack. Something that should have been there all along was missing. That is painful.

cbeans · May 16, 2022 at 09:24 AM

I think it's hard to name because it's not just one feeling; it's a very mixed bag of relief and pain. I've had this happen and it seems to just open a floodgate of stuff that I was unaware was lurking. I've learned that almost everything is a mixture of positive and negative and that's okay. I mean, what is joy without the contrast of sorrow? It would be meaningless. I'm glad you've been able to receive the validation you've never had. And I want to say it's OK that all the other stuff is there too.

Quietmind 2 · May 18, 2022 at 04:00 AM

There's a term for it, coined by Christopher Germer and Kristin Neff: ‘Backdraft’. It can occur when someone offers you compassion, and can also occur when you're trying to be self compassionate.

Backdraft: Why Self-Compassion can make you feel worse, and what you can do about it. - Compassion Within

It's a difficult experience to go through. I hope you can reach out to your therapist if you need to.

Favorite Jeans · May 18, 2022 at 09:19 PM

It’s like, if you haven’t eaten for a long time and someone gives you 4 chips. And they’re perfect and salty and crisp and fresh. But seriously, there’s 4 of them. Mighta been easier not to eat at all really because now you’re much more conscious of your hunger than you were before.

And then they’re like, “not to worry! You can have another 4 next week!”

It’s kind of a WTF experience isn’t it? I think it’s the newness of the empathy hitting against a painful thing, it’s almost a shocking feeling.

*Beth* · May 22, 2022 at 09:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

It’s like, if you haven’t eaten for a long time and someone gives you 4 chips. And they’re perfect and salty and crisp and fresh. But seriously, there’s 4 of them. Mighta been easier not to eat at all really because now you’re much more conscious of your hunger than you were before.

And then they’re like, “not to worry! You can have another 4 next week!”

It’s kind of a WTF experience isn’t it? I think it’s the newness of the empathy hitting against a painful thing, it’s almost a shocking feeling.

Ha. Perfect analogy.

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20oney Member Member Since Dec 2014 Location: Australia Posts: 327 9 378 hugs given	May 16, 2022 at 01:29 AM #1 When your therapist says or does something that just, validates and supports and has all of these positive impacts. But like, it hurts because it’s unheard of in your life. Like, you finally feel like someone cares and is there for you, but it just hurts so much despite being a positive feeling or thing?
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Rive. Magnate Member Since Sep 2013 Posts: 2,011 10	May 16, 2022 at 08:43 AM #3 It touches on the gaping hole of your lack. Something that should have been there all along was missing. That is painful.
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