T thinks h is gaslighting?

Victoria'smom · May 19, 2022 at 11:38 PM

He's not but how do I convince t? He's my support system.

Lostislost · May 20, 2022 at 03:34 AM

What was said that made him think that? My T and other people have said this too, but they had never met my H...it was just how I was complaining about him sometimes, I guess it made it sound like he was the bad guy.

As soon as I started saying good things about H they stopped suggesting he was gaslighting.

Rive. · May 20, 2022 at 09:11 AM

You don't have to convince anyone, let alone T.

Maybe he isn't and maybe he isn't but T is entitled to their opinion, and so are you. You can agree to disagree.

Therapy isn't, or shouldn't be, about changing people's minds. At least *good* therapy shouldn't. I say 'people' because that goes both ways

Victoria'smom · May 20, 2022 at 10:58 AM

That's the thing I wasn't complaining. I had a time where I felt unloved. T met my h and asked him if he was gaslighting me and of course it was no. Then it was brought up again this week. Should I just ask why she thinks that.

cbeans · May 20, 2022 at 11:10 AM

I think people are starting to throw the term gaslighting around too much. Just because someone does not understand my experience or point of view does not mean that person is gaslighting me. So if my hubby asks questions or even challenges my beliefs or interpretations of my experiences (which is what we often PAY people to do in therapy), it can be a discussion and is not necessarily gaslighting. Gaslighting involves a systematic pattern of making someone doubt their own beliefs or experience as a benefit to the person doing the gaslighting. It's meant to confuse the victim and cause doubt in their mind, usually to the benefit of the gaslighter. Calling any kind of challenge to our experience gaslighting is not helpful.

Favorite Jeans · May 22, 2022 at 03:11 PM

All these things are true:
-You don’t need to convince your T of anything (nor do they need to convince you)
-the term gets thrown around too much
-it’s probably worth finding out why T is saying that if you don’t understand
-the fact that T brought in your H essentially to ask if he was abusing you suggests to me that your T is NOT well-educated about intimate partner violence/abuse (what, if anything, was the fallout at home from her having done that? Did you feel scared when she asked him that?)

And:

It’s one hell of an allegation. Gaslighting is a really profound form of psychological abuse. When effective it can undermine your sense of reality so badly that you might not know that you’re being abused.

Does your T often just blurt out whatever comes to mind or do you find their observations generally wise, measured and accurate? If the latter, maybe give what she said a lot of thought. If the former, maybe reconsider how safe you are with a T who is so ready to threaten your marriage.

downandlonely · May 22, 2022 at 03:15 PM

I'm really surprised your T asked your husband if he was gaslighting you. Of course he said no. Asking an abuser if they are abusive is a terrible idea. What genuine abuser would admit to that? And it means more consequences for the victim if there is abuse.

Victoria'smom · May 22, 2022 at 06:54 PM

I've only seen this t at most 10x. I brought h in to the session because I was feeling he (and everyone else) hated me. I was not expecting her to ask that and there were no replications of her asking this. I was mad when she asked that as he is the only one that truly knows what I go through. She then asked me later when I was alone whether I felt he was gaslighting. I told her no it's just who I am.

Since starting with her she seems to unknowingly step on triggers. I'm not good at saying hey thay triggers me or why. H likes that t is looking out for me. I wrote a letter to her about my past and current situation. I will have to ask why she believes he's gas lighting.

*Beth* · May 22, 2022 at 08:01 PM

Mm, I 100% agree that you need to ask her why she said what she said. Also, please do your best to let her know that she's triggered you quite a bit. Remember my monster pdoc, the one I was seeing for 5 or so months and who finally triggered me so terribly that I've been having a total breakdown? I can't even explain how sorry I am that I didn't speak up early on and tell her that she was triggering me all over the place. Now I'm having all kinds of issues. My point is, please bring it up now, rather than waiting until you may be falling apart from stuff your T has said.

Victoria'smom · May 22, 2022 at 10:07 PM

I have trouble telling her that she's triggering. I kinda feel I'm giving her more fuel to believe more wrong things.

Favorite Jeans · May 23, 2022 at 06:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I have trouble telling her that she's triggering. I kinda feel I'm giving her more fuel to believe more wrong things.

Any reason you need to stay with her? She sounds kind of lukewarm in terms of her skills and like maybe she’s not a great fit for you. What if you tried someone else?

Victoria'smom · May 23, 2022 at 09:41 AM

I'm going to try and make it work because she can see me weekly. When no other t can. She really does care. I'm thinking she missed judge this. I just don't know how to bring it up.

Bipolarchic14 · May 24, 2022 at 05:46 PM

You could ask her to provide specific examples of why she thinks he is gaslighting you.

Victoria'smom · May 24, 2022 at 09:06 PM

I didn't ask her today. I will next week because we had more important conversations today. I think the conversation today changed her whole idea of the situation.

Menu

My Support Forums - Mental Health Support Groups

Get emotional support and friendship from others like you!

T thinks h is gaslighting?

My Support Forums

Victoria'smom Legendary Member Since Apr 2012 Location: Earth Posts: 14,903 (SuperPoster!) 11 5,429 hugs given	May 19, 2022 at 11:38 PM #1 He's not but how do I convince t? He's my support system. __________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog
	Reply With Quote

Lostislost Veteran Member Member Since May 2020 Location: Uk Posts: 557 3 890 hugs given	May 20, 2022 at 03:34 AM #2 What was said that made him think that? My T and other people have said this too, but they had never met my H...it was just how I was complaining about him sometimes, I guess it made it sound like he was the bad guy. As soon as I started saying good things about H they stopped suggesting he was gaslighting.
	Reply With Quote

Rive. Magnate Member Since Sep 2013 Posts: 2,011 10	May 20, 2022 at 09:11 AM #3 You don't have to convince anyone, let alone T. Maybe he isn't and maybe he isn't but T is entitled to their opinion, and so are you. You can agree to disagree. Therapy isn't, or shouldn't be, about changing people's minds. At least good therapy shouldn't. I say 'people' because that goes both ways
	Reply With Quote

downandlonely Legendary Member Since Mar 2018 Location: United States Posts: 10,760 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.6k hugs given	May 22, 2022 at 03:15 PM #7 I'm really surprised your T asked your husband if he was gaslighting you. Of course he said no. Asking an abuser if they are abusive is a terrible idea. What genuine abuser would admit to that? And it means more consequences for the victim if there is abuse.
	Reply With Quote

Victoria'smom Legendary Member Since Apr 2012 Location: Earth Posts: 14,903 (SuperPoster!) 11 5,429 hugs given	May 22, 2022 at 10:07 PM #10 I have trouble telling her that she's triggering. I kinda feel I'm giving her more fuel to believe more wrong things. __________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog
	Reply With Quote

Bipolarchic14 Poohbah Member Since Feb 2014 Location: Over there Posts: 1,076 10 354 hugs given	May 24, 2022 at 05:46 PM #13 You could ask her to provide specific examples of why she thinks he is gaslighting you.
	Reply With Quote

Victoria'smom Legendary Member Since Apr 2012 Location: Earth Posts: 14,903 (SuperPoster!) 11 5,429 hugs given	May 24, 2022 at 09:06 PM #14 I didn't ask her today. I will next week because we had more important conversations today. I think the conversation today changed her whole idea of the situation. __________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog
	Reply With Quote