T disappeared

Hi, sorry for this thread but I need to vent somewhere..
I’ve been on and off therapy for a while and now back into therapy for 1 year to face a major trauma with my longstanding T.
A few days ago I went for my usual session and waited, waited, nothing. I thought she had run late, can happen when you are someone’s last appointment. After 20 minutes I went upstairs to find her office door open and lights off. Well, she forgot to tell me about some change - even though strange, she remember evey single thing. that’s what I thought. I didn’t even feel upset, she’s human and has a busy life and I’d finally tell her she’s getting old (she’s not “old” at all) with a laugh.
I texted her asking where she was and headed home hoping nothing bad had happened to her family, kids etc.
Some hours later the worst scenario became true, I got a text of apologies from her that she has been in hospital for days undergoing surgeries for some sudden and severe condition. Now, I needed that session but now that is my very last problem. My super T is not well. She has been my best support, waited when I quit for long periods, took me back in no time when I called in need, reads me better that anyone else in the world. I though i wasn’t even attached, was not upset thinking she might forget a session, really, I felt safe. But now I realize I feel deep affection for this person. I’ve been in a limbo for 3 days with heavy heart, eager to talk to T and ask what happened (not sure I may take more bad news though). Wondering when I’ll be able to get in touch or see her again. Since I am work to her and she should rest, I will not text her for one whole month before asking how she’s doing again. I don’t know how I’ll handle the wait..
Anyone gone through this?
Sorry for the looooong post.

It sounds like you're a true friend who really cares about her. Maybe, if you haven't already, send an appropriate card? And if you're inclined to do so, say a little prayer, or meditate? I've got my fingers crossed for you. Hopefully all will be fine pretty soon.

I'm so sorry. This is one of my big fears--to get to the office, have my T not show up, and for it to be because something bad had happened to him. So I feel for you. And I'm sure it's difficult not knowing what's going to happen or details about what's going on. If you were a friend or family member, then you could likely find out from other friends or family. And would likely feel like you could check in more.

I do think you could probably check in sooner than a month--maybe in a week or two if you haven't heard anything from her? Just a quick message of "Just wanted to check in and see how you're doing. Hope you're feeling better." or something to that effect. Maybe adding, "I understand if it will take you some time to get back to me." Yes, you are her work, so I can see not wanting to bother her. But at the same time, she also has a sort of duty to her clients to give them some sort of information on how long she may be out, in case, for example, they want to consider getting a temporary T in the meantime because they need support.

Are there any other office staff (I'm guessing no, or they'd have contacted you) or other therapists who work in the same office space? If so, that could be an option for checking in. Like, "I'm a client of so-and-so's. She told me she's been in the hospital. Do you have any sense of when she might be back in the office?"

I hope you she recovers quickly and is back to work soon.

Thank you for your support and inputs!
This is the first time I deal with this… actually T shares the office with my previous T (and others) who referred me to this T because she was still in training for the kind of work I needed to do at some point, while current T was already trained and experienced but it was a very soft transition.. Asking former T about current T if she had not texted me back was and will be an option. I’m not planning a temporary T now, but suppose T could not come back for like 10 years, I’d go to former T (who is now trained) with no doubt. So no start over with a stranger, anyway while I sometimes miss former T’s good tenderness and would love to see her again, I want current T to be better for her health, person, life and I will just wait up to 5-6 months if necessary. Do you think keeping a diary will help?

I believe that our instincts tell us what to do. That's how it feels to me. Do you believe that, too?

I'm very sorry that you are having to go through this. I have a somewhat similar situation happening. My T is 71 and has serious lung problems. I've been in therapy with her for 3 years. After our first 3 sessions she caught pneumonia and was hospitalized for a couple of months, then was out for another month. So we had just started therapy and she was gone for 3 months.

Since then we'll have between 5 and 8 sessions and I'll be informed (usually the same day of our scheduled session) that she'll be out for a few days, or for a week. Sometimes she's been out for a month.

One month ago I had a very major, highly triggering situation come up. My t and I started doing some intensive trauma work - for the first time. We had 1 session and...she got sick. She's been on leave now for 4 weeks, will be out next week, and who knows when she'll return. No one is sure.

My therapist and I are very closely bonded. But the continuity just isn't there and at this point I am feeling resentful that she continues to work as a therapist, but cannot properly do her job. She is certainly not putting the needs of her clients first. I have been grieving due to her absence; it's been painful and truly miserable. I finally saw a colleague of hers last week and felt surprisingly comfortable with him. I am definitely considering switching over to him - but yeah, it hurts.

So that's my experience with a therapist who has health problems and "disappears." Good sense tells me that when therapy is doing more harm than benefit, it's no longer a healthy therapeutic situation.

I hope your T's health issue is a one-time occurrence and that she quickly recovers. If she is going to be on leave for an extended period of time, or if her health problem becomes chronic, find another T sooner rather than later. Don't allow yourself to be in an abusive relationship with your therapist.

Good luck with this

Thank you for sharing your experience! I have just received a text from T actually, for a spot next week. I really did not expect it so soon and said they can take their time if it’s just to make up for last week’s session but I got replied that they’re not going to be around after that. So I guess I’ll go and discuss what will be of our work.
That said, and being well aware of therapy boundaries, I’m contemplating bringing something very simple for them to thank them for the work we’ve done and the support. I know I pay them but I really like that T (as a therapist). Something made by me can be ok, but I’m wondering if there is something that can be generally accepted (card?)
Is it a stupid idea, right?

I think it's a great idea A card would be just the thing to do, to remind them that they are valued. We all need that, right?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ambra Thank you for sharing your experience! I have just received a text from T actually, for a spot next week. I really did not expect it so soon and said they can take their time if it’s just to make up for last week’s session but I got replied that they’re not going to be around after that. So I guess I’ll go and discuss what will be of our work. That said, and being well aware of therapy boundaries, I’m contemplating bringing something very simple for them to thank them for the work we’ve done and the support. I know I pay them but I really like that T (as a therapist). Something made by me can be ok, but I’m wondering if there is something that can be generally accepted (card?) Is it a stupid idea, right?

I'm sorry that you'll be losing your therapist. It sounds like a pretty serious health problem and hopefully you'll find out what's going on when you have your last session. I give your T credit for being honest with herself about her limitations.

I think a nice card would be entirely appropriate and appreciated.

Also very sorry this will be the end of your work with this T. And I agree that a thank-you card with a personal note inside would be a great parting gift.

I’m sorry your therapist is going through this and how it affects you also. My therapist uas disappeared from time to time, the lingest being a month, and i k ow how scary it is. She has had several family tragedies that took her away from her job. She always let me know as soon as she could, but sometimes it took a few weeks. I understand how hard it is.
I bet your T would love a nice card. 🙂

Ambra, I know this has to be difficult for your right now. I have been through something very similar the not really knowing was the hardest. My beat advice is ro allow yourself to feel whatever feelings and emotions that come up.. If you need support, the people here are amazing . HUGS.

Given all your support here I feel i should post an update: I saw T today!
She was a little slow but gladly, looked the same.
I did not dare ask what happened as T didn’t seem willing to tell, but assured me she’s going to be ok. I’m also relieved that she’s not quitting - being the summer close, will take longer vacation - 2 months vs the usual 3 weeks and I can still send emails (though I don’t use them unless I cannot function) it’s a long time away but that’s totally fine as i’ll find her there after. We started where we had left with the work, it was a hard session so we played a game for the last few minutes to distract from the trauma work which I really appreciate. This especially was a very relaxed ending, it felt good. Now I’m worried it’ll happen again out of the blue and just hope T will really be fine. I’m so relieved about today.

Thanks for the update. I'm glad to hear she'll be OK and you won't have to stop seeing her entirely!

I'm glad she's okay and I hope she can help ease some of your new worry too.

Oh, that's terrific! But yes, it's certainly understandable if you feel anxious about her going away again. It's my opinion that she shares with you what happened that caused her to leave so suddenly. You deserve to have a sense of knowing what to expect for the future.