What to do if T says they can't help you?

cool09 · Jun 10, 2022 at 04:59 PM

I told this one T that I didn't feel like doing anything and all she said was "I can't help you". THAT was my problem and she didn't want to help me! So I switched to yet another therapist.

Nammu · Jun 10, 2022 at 05:14 PM

Nobody except you can do the work. If you didn’t want to change then nobody can help you. Ts are guides and mirrors they aren’t mini gods who can magically change you.

unaluna · Jun 10, 2022 at 06:41 PM

Yeah cool presented with a sign of depression, but it sounds like the t wrongly took it as a declaration of intent!

stopdog · Jun 10, 2022 at 07:10 PM

Therapists are quite often completely awful human beings who took the job because it is not that hard - as she proved. The one is op's post wasn't listening or doing her job. I hope the new one works out.

The party line (patronizing and dismissive) by therapists and their koolaid drinking acolytes that blame the client in this sort of scenario is incorrect and not applicable.

ArtieTheSequal · Jun 10, 2022 at 08:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

Nobody except you can do the work. If you didn’t want to change then nobody can help you. Ts are guides and mirrors they aren’t mini gods who can magically change you.

Yeah, I constantly used to ask L why she couldn't just wave a magic wand and fix me. "Artie, you know it doesn't work that way" was pretty much always her answer.

unaluna · Jun 10, 2022 at 09:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

Yeah, I constantly used to ask L why she couldn't just wave a magic wand and fix me. "Artie, you know it doesn't work that way" was pretty much always her answer.

Yeahbut Artie you are the James Brown of t clients - the hardest working woman in t business!

Fuzzybear · Jun 13, 2022 at 06:38 PM

That T sounds awful!

RTerroni · Jun 13, 2022 at 08:18 PM

Years ago I had a Therapist who thought that, so she terminated things with me.

cool09 · Jun 18, 2022 at 09:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

Nobody except you can do the work. If you didn’t want to change then nobody can help you. Ts are guides and mirrors they aren’t mini gods who can magically change you.

I have been trying to change the last 40 years. I do things and I don't get any pleasure. All the therapist says is take a walk and watch the birds, watch the boats, look at the water, ride your bike. Bike riding is no fun, it's just work. I can't remember the last time I enjoyed myself. That's the rut that I'm in.

All that psychologists do is stare at me. I had one psychologist stare at me for 3 mths when I was bedridden in the hospital 35 yrs ago.

downandlonely · Jun 18, 2022 at 09:39 AM

I honestly have never found therapists helpful. I do support groups now led by certified peer specialists. They don't have degrees, but they have lived experiences and certifications. I get a lot more out of those groups than I ever did from paying a ton of money for a therapist to stare at me.

stopdog · Jun 18, 2022 at 09:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cool09

I have been trying to change the last 40 years. I do things and I don't get any pleasure. All the therapist says is take a walk and watch the birds, watch the boats, look at the water, ride your bike. Bike riding is no fun, it's just work. I can't remember the last time I enjoyed myself. That's the rut that I'm in.

All that psychologists do is stare at me. I had one psychologist stare at me for 3 mths when I was bedridden in the hospital 35 yrs ago.

This is not your fault. A therapist should be able to help someone find motivation/pleasure -that is literally something they say they can do. The therapist you had was just wrong and horrible.

Favorite Jeans · Jun 20, 2022 at 02:45 PM

I mean it’s a crappy thing to say. But I almost feel like too few of them say it. Too many keep you on when they can’t help you.

And think about it: if this T was being a jerk and blaming you for your depression (like you’re depressed because you’re just not trying etc.), that’s a T who REALLY can’t help you. If they’re just gonna sit in judgement and criticize me, I’d rather get the heads-up at the beginning.

cool09 · Jul 03, 2022 at 10:17 AM

I also told the therapist that I didn't want to live and she didn't respond to me. I told my pdoc that I didn't want to live and all she said was "Don't say that". So I bailed on this pdoc and therapist. I ended up going inpatient at Johns Hopkins. I was really in a bad way, I couldn't get out of bed.

*Beth* · Jul 03, 2022 at 02:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cool09

I also told the therapist that I didn't want to live and she didn't respond to me. I told my pdoc that I didn't want to live and all she said was "Don't say that". So I bailed on this pdoc and therapist. I ended up going inpatient at Johns Hopkins. I was really in a bad way, I couldn't get out of bed.

Good for you for bailing when you knew that was your best option.

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cool09 Poohbah Member Since Feb 2012 Location: Eastern MD Posts: 1,479 12 17 hugs given	Jun 10, 2022 at 04:59 PM #1 I told this one T that I didn't feel like doing anything and all she said was "I can't help you". THAT was my problem and she didn't want to help me! So I switched to yet another therapist. __________________ I know why you wanna hate me! Cause hate is all the world has seen lately! - Limp Bizkit
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unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 39,866 (SuperPoster!) 12 66.4k hugs given	Jun 10, 2022 at 06:41 PM #3 Yeah cool presented with a sign of depression, but it sounds like the t wrongly took it as a declaration of intent!
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Fuzzybear Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Cave. Posts: 96,329 (SuperPoster!) 21 81.2k hugs given	Jun 13, 2022 at 06:38 PM #7 That T sounds awful! __________________
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RTerroni Elder Member Since Sep 2013 Location: USA Posts: 5,751 10 2,136 hugs given	Jun 13, 2022 at 08:18 PM #8 Years ago I had a Therapist who thought that, so she terminated things with me. __________________ COVID-19 Survivor- 4/26/2022
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downandlonely Legendary Member Since Mar 2018 Location: United States Posts: 10,760 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.6k hugs given	Jun 18, 2022 at 09:39 AM #10 I honestly have never found therapists helpful. I do support groups now led by certified peer specialists. They don't have degrees, but they have lived experiences and certifications. I get a lot more out of those groups than I ever did from paying a ton of money for a therapist to stare at me.
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