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Default Jun 14, 2022 at 09:01 AM
  #41
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Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
I agree, too. I mean, my T offers me the contact info of a backup T if he's just going on vacation for a week. He said he considers it "abandoning his practice" if he just goes without offering that (and he's a solo practitioner). When I saw ex-T, she worked in a practice and always told me who was covering for her when she was on vacation (once I started seeing ex-MC in the same practice, it was usually just that they each covered for the other).

It could be more difficult to find someone to cover for a T immediately if they suddenly fell ill (or had to be away for another unexpected reason), but I'd think they'd still have an obligation to do so within a week or two (if it extended that long), if at all possible. And to provide some sort of periodic update to clients.

"Abandoning his practice" - exactly. As you say, a therapist has a responsibility besides just using clients to make the T's house payment!

I have been seeing M.'s colleague, who is a psychologist and an excellent T. I'm so lucky to have met him - I took the initiative on my own; she certainly didn't offer a back-up therapist. I would like to transfer to be his client, but he's leaving the clinic at the end of this month, which is very unfortunate for me.

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Default Jun 14, 2022 at 09:18 AM
  #42
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"Abandoning his practice" - exactly. As you say, a therapist has a responsibility besides just using clients to make the T's house payment!

I have been seeing M.'s colleague, who is a psychologist and an excellent T. I'm so lucky to have met him - I took the initiative on my own; she certainly didn't offer a back-up therapist. I would like to transfer to be his client, but he's leaving the clinic at the end of this month, which is very unfortunate for me.

I'm sorry he's leaving, too--is he going someplace where you could follow him? If not, could he recommend another T at the clinic (or elsewhere) who could be a good fit?
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Default Jun 14, 2022 at 11:09 AM
  #43
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I'm sorry he's leaving, too--is he going someplace where you could follow him? If not, could he recommend another T at the clinic (or elsewhere) who could be a good fit?

Hi LT, He's semi-retiring and will be working from his home, telehealth only. The agency who will manage his practice doesn't take my insurance - although he is trying to work on that. The thing is though...I'm not comfortable with telehealth. That said, if the insurance can work out I'd be willing to do occasional sessions with him.

I have already moved my healthcare to a different clinic. Too many people who work at the current clinic have told me that the administration (it's new since winter) is horrible. Several practitioners have left.

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Default Jun 14, 2022 at 11:13 AM
  #44
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Once I did express my annoyance to my T about the double standard. Why do I have to give 24 hour notice to cancel, but she frequently cancelled with only a few hours notice She admitted that it isn't a fair policy.

Sitting in the stairwell is a good idea. The processing following a session is so important.
Wow, you had to bring it up for her to recognise that's unfair to you? Particularly if the group practice has a cancellation fee, but also because its disrespectful to your time / schedule.

What if you had to take a day off work to see her, and therefore lost income? I bet she wouldn't pay you for your lost income.
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Default Jun 14, 2022 at 12:30 PM
  #45
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Once I did express my annoyance to my T about the double standard. Why do I have to give 24 hour notice to cancel, but she frequently cancelled with only a few hours notice She admitted that it isn't a fair policy.

Sitting in the stairwell is a good idea. The processing following a session is so important.

I will sometimes sit in my car for a while after session to ground myself. Once, after a very difficult ex-MC session, I sat there for an hour.
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Default Jun 14, 2022 at 12:43 PM
  #46
I've sat in my car after a session as well. Now that I do them telehealth, I usually just go lay in my bed afterward.

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Default Jun 14, 2022 at 03:20 PM
  #47
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I've sat in my car after a session as well. Now that I do them telehealth, I usually just go lay in my bed afterward.

When I did them from home, I'd sometimes stay up in the bedroom (where I had them--at a little desk) for a while. I might tell H I was doing work, but something it was just to decompress from a session.
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Default Jun 14, 2022 at 07:05 PM
  #48
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Wow, you had to bring it up for her to recognise that's unfair to you? Particularly if the group practice has a cancellation fee, but also because its disrespectful to your time / schedule.

What if you had to take a day off work to see her, and therefore lost income? I bet she wouldn't pay you for your lost income.

Exactly. A complete disregard of me - and other clients.

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Default Jun 14, 2022 at 07:31 PM
  #49
I sit in my car in the parking lot sometimes after really rough sessions. Once I sat there for twenty minutes. Eventually my T came out and I freaked for a minute, thinking she was going to be upset that I was there. But she came over and chatted for a minute and it was fine. She was apparently going somewhere in between clients, and our chat was more helpful than the session had been, oddly enough.
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Default Jun 14, 2022 at 08:57 PM
  #50
I have sat outside in my car after sessions, but after one time when she nearly scared me to death, knocking on my window to make sure I was okay, I now normally book it out of there, crying or not. I am her last client of the day, and I know she leaves right after to go pick up her kids, so it would be weird if I was always just sitting in the parking lot.
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Default Jun 16, 2022 at 12:59 PM
  #51
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I have sat outside in my car after sessions, but after one time when she nearly scared me to death, knocking on my window to make sure I was okay, I now normally book it out of there, crying or not. I am her last client of the day, and I know she leaves right after to go pick up her kids, so it would be weird if I was always just sitting in the parking lot.

I don't think it's weird...you could just let her know that you need a few minutes to decompress after your session.

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Default Jun 16, 2022 at 07:48 PM
  #52
i’ve been to my therapisf’s house many times now, but back 11 years ago it was a weird thing for her. She told me that she had had, at times, people standing outside her house just waiting for her to come outside and things like that. That is so creepy. Now this many years later she and I are used to being at each other’s houses but I can see how it would be weird to have people know where you live and keep driving past. I think it would scare me.
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Default Jun 19, 2022 at 01:14 AM
  #53
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i’ve been to my therapisf’s house many times now, but back 11 years ago it was a weird thing for her. She told me that she had had, at times, people standing outside her house just waiting for her to come outside and things like that. That is so creepy. Now this many years later she and I are used to being at each other’s houses but I can see how it would be weird to have people know where you live and keep driving past. I think it would scare me.

I understand. But stalking her was not what I was doing. I certainly did not "keep driving past" her house, nor did I expect/want her to come outside. She was extremely ill, on leave with no notice (and with no date of return). I can understand at this point, to some extent, that giving her more than 1 gift was being too pushy. That said, after 2 months of absolutely no word from her, no connection, nothing - following 3 years of therapy - I don't think there's a client on earth who would have been clear on how to proceed. I'd sure like to know how her other clients are handling her extended absence.

I'm curious, how is it that you and your former therapist ended up visiting each other? That would be so uncomfortable to me.

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Default Jul 13, 2022 at 04:30 PM
  #54
So to give an update to this miserably painful (for me, I mean) thread.

It's July 13th and M. is back at work after about 4 months of being on sick leave.

As she states in the following email I have an appointment with her tomorrow. I am pretty darn nervous. Looking forward to it in the sense that I desperately want to settle what has gone on. But very anxious, too. This is the email I received from M. this morning. (btw, I sent her 10 emails over the course of 4 months.)

If anyone has ideas of what to say, or...whatever...in tomorrow's session, I am listening. I'm just becoming increasingly anxious and could use input from others who understand what being a client is like. Thank you in advance.

M.'s email:

Hi Beth,
I am back at work today trying to catch up on all the e-mails, etc. I saw we are scheduled for tomorrow and want you to know I am looking forward to talking with you. I think we both have a lot to share and talk about to clear the air. See you then.

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Default Jul 13, 2022 at 04:59 PM
  #55
Beth, I think what your T said is the understatement of the year. I would be very anxious about this session as well. My T has been "missing" (sort of. I know she's in Vegas but I don't know why or for how long or anything because she did not reply to my two texts that I sent) and I am freaked out about that enough. I can't imagine 4 months!!!! That's just....incomprehensible. I mean, how can there be any sort of continuity in sessions when she is out for so long? Hmm. I'm not sure I have any advice on what to say tomorrow, maybe take some time tonight and journal about your feelings right now and use that as a springboard for tomorrow? I am not sure if that is a helpful suggestion or not, but it is probably what I would do. Well maybe. I'm not super big into journaling. But at times it is helpful. The fact that she is catching up on all the emails--does that mean she didn't get your 10 emails you sent until today? That seems like a lot for her to process in one day (I'm not feeling sorry for her, just making a statement). Her message sounds very therapist-y to me. I would have wanted to hear something like, I don't know, caring or soothing or nurturing to me. But I don't know if that is just me. I'm sorry. I don't know if this rambling is helpful at all. I am wishing you well tomorrow and I hope that you can "clear the air" and decide if/how to move forward. HUGS if wanted, Kit

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Default Jul 13, 2022 at 05:56 PM
  #56
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Beth, I think what your T said is the understatement of the year. I would be very anxious about this session as well. My T has been "missing" (sort of. I know she's in Vegas but I don't know why or for how long or anything because she did not reply to my two texts that I sent) and I am freaked out about that enough. I can't imagine 4 months!!!! That's just....incomprehensible. I mean, how can there be any sort of continuity in sessions when she is out for so long? Hmm. I'm not sure I have any advice on what to say tomorrow, maybe take some time tonight and journal about your feelings right now and use that as a springboard for tomorrow? I am not sure if that is a helpful suggestion or not, but it is probably what I would do. Well maybe. I'm not super big into journaling. But at times it is helpful. The fact that she is catching up on all the emails--does that mean she didn't get your 10 emails you sent until today? That seems like a lot for her to process in one day (I'm not feeling sorry for her, just making a statement). Her message sounds very therapist-y to me. I would have wanted to hear something like, I don't know, caring or soothing or nurturing to me. But I don't know if that is just me. I'm sorry. I don't know if this rambling is helpful at all. I am wishing you well tomorrow and I hope that you can "clear the air" and decide if/how to move forward. HUGS if wanted, Kit

Thank you so, so much for your sincerely helpful post, SK. As far as I know, she is literally reading every email she's received over the past 4 months today????? Unless she reads them from home and just hasn't told me - but knowing her...she is reading ALL of her emails this very day. *smh*

Well, there never has been continuity in my therapy with her. Her health issues have prevented such a thing. And yet, I'm terribly stuck because of my attachment to her as a person.

YEAH I've been waiting for something warm and reassuring from her for 4 months. Actually quite odd, because if nothing else she tends to be a warm and reassuring person. I suspect that she's about sh-ing her pants over having to deal with the session tomorrow, and she's feeling extremely cautious. IF she gets angry or defensive and doesn't handle this mess in a manner that benefits my own growth I have given myself permission to stand up and leave. I probably won't feel like doing that, but will if need be.

I keep trying to journal. I have a big, beautiful, blank book and I've written...1 page many months ago That said, using a single piece of paper to jot down some thoughts and points is an excellent idea, and I appreciate your suggestion.

Again - thank you

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Default Jul 13, 2022 at 06:00 PM
  #57
Okay - my first "point" on that piece of paper is this:

"M., if you become angry or defensive I have given myself permission to leave this session. If the session does not help me to heal and instead causes me more trauma I will practice self-care and leave. I am saying this just to let you know of my position."

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Default Jul 13, 2022 at 06:56 PM
  #58
Beth, I am so sorry that you are going through this situation with your therapist, and can understand how nervous you may be feeling with regards to your upcoming session after a break of so many months.

I really get how difficult it is to be so attached to a T whilst having to deal with their absence due to illness, and the detrimental effect it is having on you. I hope that you will get both the session that you need and deserve after all this time, and that your T owns her part in all this and acknowledges the bad effect its had on you, her client.

Writing your thoughts down prior to meeting with her so that you have in mind what you want to say is good advice. I think giving yourself permission to leave the session if it becomes too upsetting or traumatic for you is great self care and you should absolutely do that if you have to, in order to protect yourself.

If you feel able to, please let us know how you get on.

I'm not sure of the time difference between here in the UK and where you are, but I hope you will have been able to read this before you meet with your T.

Thinking of you and wishing you well.

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Default Jul 13, 2022 at 07:58 PM
  #59
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Beth, I am so sorry that you are going through this situation with your therapist, and can understand how nervous you may be feeling with regards to your upcoming session after a break of so many months.

I really get how difficult it is to be so attached to a T whilst having to deal with their absence due to illness, and the detrimental effect it is having on you. I hope that you will get both the session that you need and deserve after all this time, and that your T owns her part in all this and acknowledges the bad effect its had on you, her client.

Writing your thoughts down prior to meeting with her so that you have in mind what you want to say is good advice. I think giving yourself permission to leave the session if it becomes too upsetting or traumatic for you is great self care and you should absolutely do that if you have to, in order to protect yourself.

If you feel able to, please let us know how you get on.

I'm not sure of the time difference between here in the UK and where you are, but I hope you will have been able to read this before you meet with your T.

Thinking of you and wishing you well.

Sent from my SM-A526B using Tapatalk

How very kind of you, East. I deeply appreciate that you took the time and energy to write your post for me.

One aspect of this I just remembered is that my therapist is very "conservative" with her emails because she says they are not secure and can be seen by other people she works with. She's very big on confidentiality.

My anxiety is high, but I am trying to put it out to the Universe and let it be taken care of.

btw, I'm in California, so 8 hours behind your time. So while it's 6 p.m. (Wednesday) here the time is 2 a.m. (Thursday) for you.

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Default Jul 14, 2022 at 09:54 AM
  #60
Wishing you well today, Beth! I really hope the session is healing. HUGS if wanted, Kit

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