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Member Since May 2017
Location: London UK
Posts: 224
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#981
I also believe that most parents are really trying to do the best they can with what they know at the time. And They don't always get it right but I don't think it is because they didn't want to. They often didn’t have the awareness, access to information or knowledge that we have now and even now having all that can be overwhelming to navigate. BUT having the best intentions does mean that they did not harm you or cause you trauma that negatively impacts your life as an adult.
My parents for example have caused me tremendous amounts of trauma. Were they good people who were trying to do a good job yes. My mother for example had her own trauma and pain and didn’t realise the damage her actions were to me but they were and I am Still Living with and trying to heal from the ramifications of that today. Do I think their actions greatly cause most of my trauma? Yes but I can also understand the why. Knowing they meant well doesn’t take away from the fact that they didn’t. It does help me forgive them . |
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ElectricManatee, Lonelyinmyheart, LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel, SlumberKitty, unaluna
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ElectricManatee, Lonelyinmyheart, LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, Quietmind 2, ScarletPimpernel, SlumberKitty, unaluna
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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2019
Location: Earth
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#982
My mother loved me a lot as a child (still does). I was even her favourite. She would never have intentionally harmed me, but harm me she did nonetheless - very much so. I was emotionally neglected and spent a lot of time by myself.
It sounds very contradictory and just shows how complex trauma can really be. I was her 'good girl' and never really felt a child. Even now my mother texts me many times a day and is deeply attached to me. I know I'm still her favourite. And yet I've spent years in therapy trying to cope with how messed up my upbringing was, to the point I wasn't even 'allowed' to speak to my father who lived in the same house as us, and I was lulled into secrets about who else lived there. I don't doubt that my mother did the best she could with what she knew and the situation we were in, but there's also no doubt that she traumatised me and I have had to live with that all my life. |
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LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel, SlumberKitty, unaluna
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2017
Location: In a land far far away
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#983
I'll chime in too xD I think lots of parents want to do the right thing, and might even know what to do, but it's still very hard. Everyone has their own story, own issues and own things going on. Being a parent means to some degree putting all that on the backburner, but to do it correctly so that it's neither too much nor too little, I'm not sure it's doable for most people... Even if you do everything right, suddenly there's an accident, an illness, anything at all... I don't think most people are ill-intentioned towards their own children, although there's certainly that kind of person as well.
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SlumberKitty
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LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2, SlumberKitty
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,219
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#984
Hugs and head nods all around as appropriate. It's monsoon-ing here right now so I'm only here for a minute, not staying on my computer too long - lots of lightening today!
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Daffydungle, LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel, SlumberKitty
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Child of a lesser god
Member Since Jun 2015
Location: Tartarus
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#985
__________________ The secret to eternal youth is arrested development.—Alice Roosevelt Longworth |
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stopdog, unaluna
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Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2020
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#986
I was hampered in my parenting by my ex who refused to come to any parenting classes and undid most the work i was trying to do by threatening physical violence. Yelling and thumping walls got the kids to do things but they have anxiety disorders as i result. We were all terrified of him.
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Anonymous32448, ElectricManatee, SlumberKitty, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
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underdog is here
Member Since Sep 2011
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#987
Clearly I am in the minority but I still think that there needs to be more bucking up and less gooey whining. I am gearing up for the fall version of mollycoddling and pc idiocy well-meaning perhaps, but entirely misguided garbage that will not prepare these people to be attorneys or frankly even humans who can handle life.
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
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atisketatasket, zoiecat
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
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#988
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atisketatasket
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Poohbah
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#989
Quote:
They may not make attorneys, no, but then not everyone would want to be. But humans - yes - as being human in my opinion is all about living with the beautiful mess that we are. |
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LonesomeTonight, Oliviab, Quietmind 2
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Child of a lesser god
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#990
Quote:
__________________ The secret to eternal youth is arrested development.—Alice Roosevelt Longworth |
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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stopdog
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Child of a lesser god
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#991
__________________ The secret to eternal youth is arrested development.—Alice Roosevelt Longworth |
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SlumberKitty, unaluna
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LonesomeTonight, stopdog, unaluna
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#992
Quote:
The one surviving school report of mine says I was eager to please the adults With hindsite, I'm wondering if it was how I was being treated by others, at school and at home Bullying and physical abuse meant I learned shut down mode, which has stayed with me all these years |
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underdog is here
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#993
I actually think most of the students can handle it if the administration and the touchy feeling do good Social workers/or whoever they are in the administration that does this sort of crap would stop Trying to convince them that they are victims of some thing and to keep whining and needing to be cuddled. One of my big concerns is how they seem to try and talk students into thinking they can't handle things on their own.
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
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zoiecat
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underdog is here
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#994
Quote:
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Last edited by stopdog; Jul 30, 2022 at 09:15 AM.. |
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LonesomeTonight
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Poohbah
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#995
Quote:
Where administration thinks people with C/PTSD are just whining and weak. |
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Anonymous32448, LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
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ArtleyWilkins, Lonelyinmyheart, ScarletPimpernel
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#996
Quote:
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Quietmind 2
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Magnet
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#997
Quote:
__________________ Since you cannot do good to all, you are to pay special attention to those who, by accidents of time, or place, or circumstance, are brought into closer connection with you. (St. Augustine) |
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stopdog, zoiecat
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