Wanting your T

Kit, I read this as your T saying - albeit in a kind of kack-handed way - that she is human too (in having wants or needs that are not necessarily healthy, but that it's ok to have them). That in saying she loves to feel wanted/needed by her clients, she was trying to normalise your feelings of wanting her, and that being wanted by her clients makes her feel good. So you get something (a T you like and trust) and she gets something (job satisfaction and feeling privileged that she is helping people).....maybe.
Just my take on it and I could be wrong. But that is what stood out for me in her text to you.

I really hope your home meeting with T and your parents goes well. Like others here I'd be a bit wary that she just sprang it on you without any discussion with you first. My ex-T did a similarly spur of the moment thing once, and said she was driving over near to where I live on the way to somewhere else and would come and park outside my house. That was so out of character and totally freaked me out, so I can't imagine being faced with the scenario of my T coming into my house uninvited. But you can set boundaries for any future contact she has with your parents, if there is something you aren't happy about, say so. It's your therapy after all.

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Neither do I...lol. I actually read a report that said it's unhealthy to make your bed because you're not letting the sheets air out and are just covering up sweat and such. I'm going to go with that as my excuse.

I hope your appt went well, Kit!

I also never make my bed. There's no point. I like Scarlet's reasoning though, lol.

Also hope it went well, Kit! And I like your explanation for the non-bed-making, too, Scarlet!

Thank you everyone.

Let me see if I can unpack how the visit with T and my parents went.

First she texted and said she would be about 30 minutes late. No big deal. We planned on ordering food in so we didn't have to worry about scheduling cooking time while she was there or really late after she left or whatever. So she got to the house around 4:30 PM. I met her at the door, because I was watching for her. My Mom's little dog ran out to greet her and barked of course but happily came inside with T. T said it was fine, because she likes dogs....I figured because she has a couple. She also has a couple of cats. She asked if she could hug me and I said yes. It felt natural. Not weird or anything. I introduced her to my parents. And we sat in the dining room. I asked her if she recognized the room because that is the room that I Zoom in and she said that she did recognize it. She also complemented the house, and said she liked it and stuff like that. I don't remember her exact words. Probably something like, "What a lovely home." Or something.

I was pretty nervous, which she picked up on. I told her some of the anxiety was from work, and some of the anxiety was about this meeting. I was a little dissociated so I might forget some stuff and remember later, or maybe not. I might get things out of order too. I still am not really sure what the point of the visit was. She said she wanted to meet me. And she wanted to meet my parents. She was impressed that they have been married for 49 years. She could tell that they are happy. She thought that we have a good relationship, my parents and I. And she liked that I am pretty open with my parents about what I am experiencing and my behaviors and stuff. I gather that seeing us together was giving her valuable information about my support system but I'm not too sure what exactly she gleaned from it. She wanted to know if my parents had questions for her. They only really had one:

Trigger for SH


T said she is working on that. She did say that usually the more attention you give to it, the worse it gets. I don't know if I agree with that but okay, whatever. They didn't have any questions on Schizoaffective or anything like that. My T doesn't seem to be big on labels. She says labels are for the insurance company. My Mom said something about "this" and T was like, what is "this" because for me, I call "this" Kit. So I chimed in and told her what my pdoc has diagnosed me with. Although I am pretty sure that I have told her that before.

T asked me if I wanted to consider doing another IOP program. I said not really at this time. I am still in aftercare from the last one and I've been having more frequent crisis lately but I am not sui or anything like that. T said that she wants to see me twice a week. So we are going to keep our Tuesday night session and add in a Saturday night session as well. She said that the more frequent contact will be good for me. She also wants me to text or email as frequently as I wish. Which I am a bit wary of because I don't want to get caught in the trap of waiting for T to respond and hoping for a response and then it doesn't happen. I know she doesn't respond to emails so I usually only email her with information. Like this morning, I emailed her where I attached a statement from my Pdoc with the diagnosis codes and labels printed on it. It also has his contact information because she wants to talk to my Pdoc. She said she forgot to bring the form that I need to fill out that would allow her to talk to him. So she is going to mail it to me. I also, this morning, messaged my pdoc through the portal and asked him if I needed to fill out one for his practice so that he could talk to her. My T is pretty sure I've got some OCD going on and that it is hampering some of my other stuff. She wants to get Pdoc's opinion on my treatment.

This part made me feel kind of sad. Or negative about myself, or something. She said that on the mental health spectrum I am on the serious end and that would scare a lot of clinicians but she is willing to work with me.
trigger for SH

She said she is working on refining her treatment plan for me now that we have done the rapport building and stuff like that. I know she doesn't bring up some subjects but will talk about them if I bring them up. Like SH.

She asked how long I had been on the increased dose of medication. And she asked how the voices were doing and if I got command hallucinations. I answered affirmatively. She is like, so you don't know how to negotiate with your voices? I was like, no.

She said my parents could call her or text her, but that they wouldn't talk about me behind my back. This felt a little odd to me. Because obviously.....they would be talking about me without me being there, but maybe she would tell me what they said? I don't know. I don't really think my parents would contact her unless I was going IP or was really sui or something major. They aren't one for really getting that involved in stuff like that.

She said it was a useful meeting and she was happy to meet all of us. She asked me where my room was. She didn't go see it (thankfully because it is a mess) but I guess she wanted to get an idea of the house. We went into the living room and I showed her my kitty Helen. And she also admired some China and also some paintings that we have. She said sometime she would like us to come down to her office (about an hour and 15 minutes away). She asked me if there was anything I wanted to talk to her privately about before she left but I said no. I couldn't really think of anything at the time. My mind was kind of blank. She stayed in total about 50 minutes. And she scheduled me to talk to her on Saturday at 6 PM.

So I guess it wasn't too scary. I still don't really know what the purpose was. But I trust she has one.

Comments or questions are okay. Thanks everyone who has been replying to my post and things. I appreciate it. HUGS Kit

I'm proud of you, Kit. You did the thing that scared you most.

I get the impression that she thought it would be good to meet your family and get a sense of what your wider support system is like.

I'm kind of confused about her giving your parents permission to talk to her, as I would have thought that might be your decision....but I'm not 100% functional at the moment, so maybe that's just me.

Kit, that all sounds quite overwhelming! Hugs to you.

Trigger warning for SH



I think it's good that she'll meet with you twice a week--though how do you feel about that? It sounds more like she was insisting on it, so I hope you didn't feel pressured into it. I know that I find more frequent sessions to be helpful.

As for your parents contacting her, I think legally you would have to sign a release to allow her to share anything with them--though if you have them listed as emergency contacts, I think she may be allowed to call them for, say, a welfare check, like if you didn't show up for an appointment or she was worried about your safety, but I'm not sure of the actual rules around that.


I think that, even without an agreement, they are allowed to call her and tell her any concerns they have about you, but she couldn't really say something in return. As in, they could call and say "we're worried about Kit because of x," and your T could say, "OK, I'll reach out to her" (or talk to her next session about it). But without your consent, your T couldn't say back to them, "Yes, we were talking in session about that, and I'm worried about her, too, because she said y."(I think that's how my T explained it when I asked what would happen if my H called him with concerns.)

But I would confirm with your T about that, what she will and won't say to them.

Good points raised by LT. This is what is so blurry - T should not even have approached parents without a release / disclosure agreement from the client, signed. And proper consultation with client prior to the meet-up.

And if parents were to call (if no disclosure agreement signed previously), T could not even confirm SK was her client. In terms of emergency contact T would still not be allowed to disclose what is going on with SK unless SK were in imminent danger - and even then with caution and confidentiality measures. Otherwise, nada.

Now the situation is murky because there was no agreement to disclose to a 3rd party yet parents were reeled into the T-client dynamic. It doesn't sit comfortably seeing how T proceeded as it feels like the client has been 'outed' by T. This was not done as per ethical standards because SK was not in immediate danger to self or others. (A client would have grounds for complaint on this basis alone for myriad reasons)

Anyway, I will shut up now.

I'm glad you felt okay about how the whole thing went, Kit!

The whole thing feels unethical to me unfortunately.

But I do hope things work out with her Kit.

Yeah, it is weird that I didn't have to sign anything or my parents didn't have to sign anything, and it was strange that there were really no guidelines set on when my parents should contact her. I'm not sure what the rules are though so maybe it's okay.

HUGS Kit

It's honestly only okay if you say it's okay. She is bound by HIPAA privacy laws that specifically prohibit what she is doing. But you're the one who would need to complain, so in a way it's up to you.

Oh. Well I doubt I would complain about it. I found the whole thing a little odd. But my T is a little odd. And you all know that I am odd. So I guess it's okay. HUGS kit

My new T said recently... Sometimes the biggest difference is made by those who are 'willing' (not sure that's the word she used) to bend the rules slightly. I know that was the case with my last T. I think the tightrope therapists walk between helping/doing harm is very thin, but good communication, knowing each other (as much as we can ever know a therapist) and working together are key to ensuring that things stay ok the helpful side. Not sure that made any sense, but I hope it did. I'm glad you found the visit helpful SK and I hope that going forwards things keep working out for you. I like your 'my T is odd and so am I', because that's how I felt about working with my old T. I needed something over and above what most therapists would feel comfortable with, and she was able to provide it, and it changed my life. Hugs.

Wow...what if your parents were actually currently abusive towards you, but you don't recognise it, and your T did this?

I'm seriously concerned that your T did this.

(I deleted my personal story because it's too identifying.)