Therapy Break

Has anyone who has been in longterm therapy with strong feelings towards your T taken a break from it and found it helped lessen your feelings for your therapist? I'm considering taking one but worried it will be too hard and won't help.

If you were in long term therapy and took a break did any of you not go back? I feel like if I get through the first few weeks okay and the intense feelings eased okay I just won't want to go back as I don't want to go back to that and feeling the longings? I don't think that would be helpful for me in terms of closure though long term. I've been with my T a long time and have a somewhat good relationship.

Hi, why do you want to take a break?

Different circumstances, but I took a break from my ex-T because I was becoming too attached to her. I found the distance from the therapy relationship helped lessen those feelings, but when I went back, the distance meant I had to work hard at re-establishing the trust again. So that for me, was the downside. Also the attachment feelings very quickly reasserted themselves again, so I don't know how helpful having that break actually was.

Not saying it will be the same for you, you could go back to the therapy relationship after a break and find that you pick up right where you left off. It depends on the relationship you have with your T.

Ask yourself what is the main reason why you want this break. Also, talking about this with your T could be an excellent topic for discussion. If you can unpick it together, you may find you can work through those feelings in a beneficial way.

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I am finding the intensity of my feelings to be too much and too painful. Attachment feelings that I’ve spoken about to my T many times. Difficult to understand for those who do not experience intense feelings of attachment or longing for their therapist I know.

Honestly the main reason is to get some ease from the intensity of the feelings I’ve been experiencing lately. We’ve had a few ruptured the past year we have worked through but past few months time between sessions and a few other things have been painful. I know that most of the time this is where the work is but I am tired and wondering if a break would help.

I find it hard to reconnect and reattach with people after disconnecting so that may happen. Even after T goes on holidays it can sometimes take weeks to feel ok again.

I did bring it up to my T in the last session and she agreed it might be good which is fine. I’m not bothered by her agreeing as it does look like the best option right now. I’m hurt by what she said after though as I’ve been with her a very long time . She said she’d be there if I chose to come back and if not that is fine without showing a hint of emotion. I brought this up and she said she wanted me to be able to make my decision comfortably but now I am just hurting more. I’m thinking of not even going to my next session and taking a break from now.

I know everyone is suggesting you think about why you want a break, but I look at it from the other side? Why are you in therapy to begin with? Is there a particular issue you want help with? Do you still need to work on that issue? Is your T actually helping you with the reason you started therapy? Or, maybe a new therapist might be a better option to continue progress? Have you actually resolved most of your issues or reasons for starting therapy and are only continuing to go because you are attached to the therapist?

Those are the questions I would think about.

If you took a break, would you consider seeing a different therapist during that time? I had intended to take a break from my ex-T for different reasons--more that I felt she wasn't really helping me with my attachment to my former marriage counselor, along with some conflicts. I was going to just see another T for a month or two, then go back to her. Or if I decided to stay with him, to at least go back for a termination session or two. But once I started seeing my now-current T, I just never went back, not even for termination (I realized I'd be doing that for her, not me).

Assuming you still feel you could benefit from therapy, I feel like seeing another T during a break could be helpful. That way, you'd get a different perspective and experience a difference personality and style and see what that felt like. It could be that it would be someone you'd want to stay with, or you'd realize you want to go back to your original T, or you might realize you need a different T entirely (or that you should take a break from therapy).


I feel as though just taking a break from your therapist without seeing someone else could just lead to you missing your therapist--but it would be difficult to know whether you missed him in particular or whether you missed therapy in general (like having a dedicated place to go to talk about what you're feeling and experiencing). If that makes any sense. Just something to consider.

And I found it much easier to walk away (even with the intention of it being temporary) from my ex-T having another appointment with someone else in place. I also did the same when I briefly left my current T after a rupture, but seeing the other T made me realize I missed the one I'd been seeing, so I went back to him.

I took a 6 week break once. It wasn’t voluntary, it was due to her vacation schedule and mine one summer. But it was a T for whom I had strong and uncomfortable feelings. I found the break did help lessen the discomfort.

Ultimately that T and I were not able to work through those feelings in a helpful way. I think we each tried our best but she was not able to just hold my maternal feelings for her and kind of move through that with me.

As painful as it was, terminating with her (unrelated to that 6 wk break) was really for the best. I now have another therapist about whom I don’t feel that way at all. Surprisingly, it didn’t take that many sessions (maybe 6-8 non-consecutive) to work through my feelings about former T. I think my understanding of her, our years work together, our most significant rupture and the intensity of my need for her is nuanced and compassionate toward both of us.

That experience and now being free from the weight of hellish transference has led me to different conclusions about the merits of staying in a highly charged, uncomfortable, transference relationship in hopes of working it through. (I’m talking years and years, not tolerating a few months of difficult work). Namely, I don’t think it’s worth the anguish.

Hi Lt, I wouldn't mind seeing another T to even talk through some of what was happening but I just feel like it would take so long and cost so much...The one benefit of taking a therapy break that is actually helping me make the decision is also the fact that it would save me a lot of money which is something I really need to be doing right now. But perhaps when finances are better I could do that as does sound like it might be helpful.

6 months break was really helpful for me

That's good to hear. Did you go back to the same T after? Did you experience a strong attachment to your T?

I decided to take a break. I am finding the decision hard and based on our last appointment where I felt I was being rejected ...but I do think it's for the best.

I hope it's helpful to you. Do you have a set timeline for it? Is your T OK with you returning when you're ready?

I don't have a set timeline. She said she will be there 'if' I choose to return