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Old 09-22-2022, 12:08 PM   #961
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It just popped into my head something else C said the other day - another of the deja vu moments back to L - we were talking about thought distortions like "i'm broken" and "I'm not enough" and she said those come from the ego, that fights against our true Self.
I hate when they use the technical term!

I thought there was id, ego, and superego. Where tf does true self fit in?

I like the insertion of true self here vs weakness/distortion, but what part of me is it? I remember telling my t, "i cant take of myself." Thats my true self hiding from my negative (mother) interject.

This is why i dont play Wordle. Therapy IS Wordle!
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Old 09-22-2022, 04:42 PM   #962
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I hate when they use the technical term!

I thought there was id, ego, and superego. Where tf does true self fit in?

I like the insertion of true self here vs weakness/distortion, but what part of me is it? I remember telling my t, "i cant take of myself." Thats my true self hiding from my negative (mother) interject.

This is why i dont play Wordle. Therapy IS Wordle!
Careful, careful, sweetie. Liking the true Self over id/ego/superego puts you on the path to Jungianism...and you would have to stop your Freudian chatter about bodily functions. I don't think stopdog would ever recover.
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Old 09-22-2022, 05:23 PM   #963
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The horror - exhankster interpreting dreams about bodily functions.
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Old 09-22-2022, 07:32 PM   #964
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The horror - exhankster interpreting dreams about bodily functions.
Or reading bodily functions into dreams.

Reducing all archetypes to No. 1 and No. 2 and a bit of slap and tickle.

It will never do.
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Old 09-22-2022, 07:55 PM   #965
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Or reading bodily functions into dreams.

Reducing all archetypes to No. 1 and No. 2 and a bit of slap and tickle.

It will never do.

have you just invented a new branch of psychology?
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Old 09-22-2022, 09:56 PM   #966
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More like summarized the entirety of existing psychology. Heh.
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Old 09-22-2022, 11:02 PM   #967
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Speaking of schools of thought -

Did you see the new yorker cartoon caption contest? The t is holding up a rohrschak test to his patient - a human size bottle of ink.

My t was into rhorschak because his older brother did research on it. I basically was seeing Niles Crane.
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Old 09-23-2022, 04:07 PM   #968
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Randomly really miss my T today. I don't know if it is because we mainly did 2x a week therapy this Summer and I told her I was good for 1x a week right now. (That I would tell her if I got into crisis.) So I texted her and told her all of this. I told her I am okay. That I'm not sure why I am missing her right now but I suspect it is because we don't have a session this weekend. But I'm okay. Also, as I have met my out of pocket maximum, I do not have to pay her copays for the rest of the year! Yeah!
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Old 09-23-2022, 08:19 PM   #969
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My 10-year-old laptop finally bit the big one. I bought a new one today, getting it set up now. They've certainly come down in price since I bought the old one I was happy to see that! Between working overtime as much as we do, and not paying L for the past 9 months, I was able to buy it from my Hawaii fund. But, that's okay, I'll get it built back up and get there one of these days. I'm kinda bummed that I couldn't get one with as big of a screen as my old one - but, I can just zoom the browser into 110% which works too. When the old one started acting up I bought an external hard drive and backed everything up so now I can pick and choose what i want to put on the new one, and what I'll just leave on the external drive. H just left on a job to a little town near the CA border so he won't be back til late tonight, I'm going grocery shopping now, then might pick up taco bell for dinner. Mmmm.

Hugs and headnods all around as appropriate!
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Old 09-24-2022, 12:23 AM   #970
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H had a brief period today where he was in that place again where I just don't know how to deal with him... so I tried what C suggested on Tuesday afternoon, that I just ask him what he needs from me. He said there's nothing you can do. But, he opened up about how basically he's been facing his mortality lately in a more concrete way than he ever has before. Which led to me understanding a lot more why he's acting like he is. We talked about it a little and I think it was helpful for him to get it out, because after that he seemed to be feeling better about life in general and then when work called offering him the delivery he's out on now, he was back to happy, he loves driving and listening to music on these long distance ones.
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Old 09-24-2022, 01:01 AM   #971
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I'm trying to wait up for H, he should be home in an hour or so....

Last edited by ArtieTheSequal; 09-24-2022 at 01:44 AM..
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Old 09-24-2022, 01:14 AM   #972
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I'm so depressed, heartbroken, and full of grief.
Trigger warning for infertility:
Possible trigger:

I'm in so much pain.

L and I were talking about my infertility today, and I said things I've never said before. I'm really struggling.
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Old 09-24-2022, 01:17 AM   #973
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Oh Scarlet my heart hurts for you. I'm so very sorry.
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Old 09-24-2022, 06:22 AM   #974
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Hugs to you, Scarlet. I'm sorry you're struggling so much. I hope L was supportive. Sometimes, it can help to get things out that you're thinking, even if it's something you never thought you would say.
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Old 09-24-2022, 06:25 AM   #975
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H had a brief period today where he was in that place again where I just don't know how to deal with him... so I tried what C suggested on Tuesday afternoon, that I just ask him what he needs from me. He said there's nothing you can do. But, he opened up about how basically he's been facing his mortality lately in a more concrete way than he ever has before. Which led to me understanding a lot more why he's acting like he is. We talked about it a little and I think it was helpful for him to get it out, because after that he seemed to be feeling better about life in general and then when work called offering him the delivery he's out on now, he was back to happy, he loves driving and listening to music on these long distance ones.

That sounds like a good discussion with your H and that the approach you used from C worked.

Also, RIP to your laptop--10 years is an amazing run for one of those! I'm assuming you use a different one (or a desktop) for your job? Because I use mine for my freelance work, I can at least deduct a portion of the cost from our taxes.
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Old 09-24-2022, 12:20 PM   #976
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That sounds like a good discussion with your H and that the approach you used from C worked.

Also, RIP to your laptop--10 years is an amazing run for one of those! I'm assuming you use a different one (or a desktop) for your job? Because I use mine for my freelance work, I can at least deduct a portion of the cost from our taxes.
Yep, when I went WAH (work at home) I brought home my work computer and they shipped me new monitors (we have 2, because of having to use so many different programs to do our jobs) cuz the ones in the office are like mounted to the desks. They've since life-cycled my computer and now I have a tiny one that's more the size of a modem! I also have a WAH kit which is basically a big ol' router that sits between the monitors. At my next life-cycle date I'm supposed to be getting a laptop that will replace the little computer, that will attach to the monitors, so then I'll have 3 screens. Oh, joy.

But yeah, it's all work's equipment.
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Old 09-24-2022, 12:54 PM   #977
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I have become re-inspired to start writing stories again. When I set up my new laptop last night, it knew so much because of having a gmail account (ooeeoo big brother) and it imported all kinds of stuff - including access to google docs where several years ago I had saved quite a bit of a story I had been working on at the time. Over half of the document is thoughts/plans/character development (there's a therapist in it and it appears that I was modeling her after L) and the rest is actual story. I printed it and I'm going to read through it and see if I can get back into the spirit of it, and actually finish it. From the little bit I already read, it shouldn't be hard to get back into it. I thought all of that writing was lost forever because I couldn't find it on old laptop - I'd forgotten I saved it to google drive.
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Old 09-24-2022, 01:52 PM   #978
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Well done for back it all up artie.
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Old 09-24-2022, 07:22 PM   #979
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Well I decided to continue another 8 weeks in the coaching/cbt thing and just changed my program and scheduled my next session, I'm going to do the social anxiety one this time. When I just went through the initial questions, I realized I guess I do struggle with it more than I realized... just, working at home I don't really deal with other people in person all that much. I will still have C as my coach which is good I feel like we have good conversations.
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Old 09-24-2022, 08:16 PM   #980
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel View Post
I'm so depressed, heartbroken, and full of grief.
Trigger warning for infertility:
Possible trigger:

I'm in so much pain.

L and I were talking about my infertility today, and I said things I've never said before. I'm really struggling.
I'm so sorry. I'm glad you have L through all of this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal View Post
I have become re-inspired to start writing stories again. When I set up my new laptop last night, it knew so much because of having a gmail account (ooeeoo big brother) and it imported all kinds of stuff - including access to google docs where several years ago I had saved quite a bit of a story I had been working on at the time. Over half of the document is thoughts/plans/character development (there's a therapist in it and it appears that I was modeling her after L) and the rest is actual story. I printed it and I'm going to read through it and see if I can get back into the spirit of it, and actually finish it. From the little bit I already read, it shouldn't be hard to get back into it. I thought all of that writing was lost forever because I couldn't find it on old laptop - I'd forgotten I saved it to google drive.
Nice! Proud of you
Quote:
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Well I decided to continue another 8 weeks in the coaching/cbt thing and just changed my program and scheduled my next session, I'm going to do the social anxiety one this time. When I just went through the initial questions, I realized I guess I do struggle with it more than I realized... just, working at home I don't really deal with other people in person all that much. I will still have C as my coach which is good I feel like we have good conversations.
Good for you to keep tackling these issues.

I got my hair cut for the first time in like 15 years at a salon today and it was AMAZING. I got two shampoos, so got to get two head massages, lol. She specializes in curly cuts, so it came out really well.
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