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Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2020
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,257
3 451 hugs
given |
#161
Stupid brain! I have been doing fine, getting on with things and then bam! My brain goes rememebr the time you made an idiot of yourself 32 years ago then goes on to list all the other times i felt like an idot at random times in the day.
I am sorry i havent been around much and dont have time to catch up but thinking of you all and hugs if people need them. |
ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks, zoiecat
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 39,834
(SuperPoster!)
12 66.3k hugs
given |
#162
Daf, you know your my hero. You raised a family under trying circumstances and you're an artist, and you are one of the cleverest, funniest people on the couch.
There's no bigger idiot than me. Cringe was my middle name. But i still did a lot of darn good things that i am now proud of myself for. Its like an accounting ledger, credits in one column, debits in another. You dont keep a running total added up. You keep your assets. |
SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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WarmFuzzySocks
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Magnet
Member Since Jun 2017
Location: in the garden
Posts: 2,306
6 15.5k hugs
given |
#163
__________________ Since you cannot do good to all, you are to pay special attention to those who, by accidents of time, or place, or circumstance, are brought into closer connection with you. (St. Augustine) |
SlumberKitty, unaluna
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unaluna
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,217
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,754 hugs
given |
#164
Here I am wide awake again at 4:30 in the morning. Been awake for an hour or so, have already showered for the day and puttered around the house straightening things. Temporarily anyway we aren't on overtime at work, so I have another hour or so before I can log on and start working. We were doing OT last week, but not this week, they're saying probably next week again. I suppose I could cook myself a nice breakfast, too bad taco bell's not open this early or I'd go down there and get a breakfast burrito or something. I have a one-on-one with my Sup later this morning so of course I am anxious about that on top of everything else. We have them every month, so I don't know why I get all keyed up about them every.single.time.
Hugs/head nods all around as appropriate/wanted/needed. |
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, unaluna
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,217
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,754 hugs
given |
#165
Well I went ahead and made some scrambled eggs with onion & avocado which is yummy. And now it's almost time to log on to work....
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SlumberKitty
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LonesomeTonight
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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: Somewhere I'm working to leave
Posts: 1,243
4 8 hugs
given |
#166
Hugs, if wanted Kit.
If I might comment on your Dear T posts, I honestly wonder if one of the reasons you struggle so much is because you haven't had a therapist familiar with dissociation and trauma, along with your schizoaffective. I'm wondering because clinical research has found that a significant subset of folks with psychosis/schizo-spectrum who have experienced trauma when younger also dissociate. Same for some chronically depressed and anxious folks. And unless the dissociation is targeted, therapy + meds aren't so effective. I can't remember the studies right now. I waa fortunate to have had a lovely conversation last year with a clinical researcher investigating trauma in folks with major depression or dysthymia and we also talked about related stuff like psychosis and dissociation. My dysthymia is somewhat treatment resistant partly due to my dissociation even though I've not self harmed in a long time. Medication is only partly effective for me. Just my theory, I might not be right on you. |
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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ElectricManatee, LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel, SlumberKitty
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,405
(SuperPoster!)
10 6,397 hugs
given |
#167
I'm nervous and scared! Today is my assessment for the IOP. I don't know what they could possibly want to know for 1.5-2 hours. I just have no clue what I'm walking into.
__________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Quietmind 2, SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
5 117.7k hugs
given |
#168
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
ScarletPimpernel
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Quietmind 2, ScarletPimpernel
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
5 117.7k hugs
given |
#169
Quote:
I'm not sure it is a good idea to take another day off or a half day off....we are a small team and there's been a lot going on, like random stuff that is urgent and can't wait. I'm hoping I adjust soon. They didn't offer me PHP or IOP so they just sort of let me go. I still have Aftercare from when I did IOP last year so I am going to do that. I messaged my pdoc through the portal and he said it would be a good idea to wait the three weeks to see him to see how the medicine is doing. Yes, they stopped me cold turkey on THREE medications! Yikes! I could be having withdraws maybe. I'm just trying to suck it up and do my best. Don't know how that is going to work out. HUGS kit __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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LonesomeTonight
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Quietmind 2
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
5 117.7k hugs
given |
#170
Quote:
I do dissociate. T has brought it up before so I guess she is at least aware of it. I'm just so broken down from the struggle and I really have no other thing that I can think of to help. So I just have to keep pressing forward and hope that whatever resources I have is enough. HUGS Kit __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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LonesomeTonight
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Quietmind 2
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,730
(SuperPoster!)
9 74.9k hugs
given |
#171
Quote:
I hope it goes well, Scarlet! They likely have a set of standard questions they ask that take up a lot of time. |
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SlumberKitty
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Quietmind 2, ScarletPimpernel
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Magnate
Member Since May 2017
Location: Earth
Posts: 2,515
6 4,704 hugs
given |
#172
Quote:
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SlumberKitty
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ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, Mystical_Being, Oliviab, Quietmind 2, ScarletPimpernel
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,217
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,754 hugs
given |
#173
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ScarletPimpernel, SlumberKitty
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Quietmind 2, ScarletPimpernel
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,217
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,754 hugs
given |
#174
Quote:
Thanks EM. I just realized something! Thanks for getting my wheels turning again! That, the stopping and looking at the feelings/thoughts/emotions is what will allow me to sort them into the proper ring of the circle - I tend to make everything my fault in some fashion or other so stopping and looking at the emotions - if they don't belong in my circle of control or circle of influence, then i move them out to the circle of concern and let them go. maybe this is just the visual I need to start doing that. I am going to go get a sheet of that posterboard stuff at the dollar store and draw the bullseye - and write stuff on post-it notes - and put them visually where they belong. I like this. |
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ElectricManatee, SlumberKitty
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ElectricManatee, LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2, ScarletPimpernel
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,405
(SuperPoster!)
10 6,397 hugs
given |
#175
I remember something ex-T taught me a little about with ACT.
Say you're at a party and there's someone there you hate. You can obsess and be upset that the person is there, and it will ruin your experience of the party. Or you can acknowledge that the person is there and continue enjoying the party. It's like a big pink elephant in the room. The more you try to ignore it, the bigger it gets. I actually gave L a braclet with an miniature Amigurumi pink elephant. She wears it ever session to remind us to acknowledge the pink elephants. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
SlumberKitty
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LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2
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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: Somewhere I'm working to leave
Posts: 1,243
4 8 hugs
given |
#176
Quote:
Really off-topic: I never read "suck it up" (in a similar context) as passive-aggressive, but my T really bristled at me using that phrase once. My first and only time I used it too. It's still puzzling to me. |
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SlumberKitty
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
5 117.7k hugs
given |
#177
Quote:
I decided to ask for 2 hours off tomorrow, work like 6 AM to 1 PM or something like that. At least it will be the start of the weekend and hopefully I can just chill and rest and recuperate. Hmm. I've never thought suck it up is passive-aggressive either. I don't tell other people to suck it up....but I do tell myself that! HUGS Kit __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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LonesomeTonight
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Quietmind 2
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
5 117.7k hugs
given |
#178
My Pdoc probably hates me. I've been pestering him too much, last week for the hospitalization, this week for medication changes, a couple of months ago because my GP was freaking out. UGH.
The hospital took me off one of my anti-depressants and two of my anti-psychotics and raised the dose by triple of the third anti-psychotic. I think the anti-psychotics are fine, not that I am not having hallucinations because I am, and I am also having dizziness and stuff which I figure is from the A/P. But I think I need the A/D back. So I messaged my pdoc through the portal and asked him if I could restart the A/D that the hospital took me off of. I am waiting for a response. He probably hates me right now. I can't handle this depression. It's too much. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
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Quietmind 2
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
5 117.7k hugs
given |
#179
I talked with a crisis line during my lunch break. She didn't really have any useful suggestions but it was sort of nice just to be able to talk about my thoughts in a non-judgmental platform. Kind of took the edge off of things.
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight
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Quietmind 2
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,789
12 3,116 hugs
given |
#180
Kit, I'm sorry you're struggling so much at the moment.
I feel certain your P-doc will appreciate you reaching out for help, especially if the hospital has done something that could potentially have an impact on you long term. HUGS. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
SlumberKitty
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LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2, SlumberKitty
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