Couch 239: Cape Coral Couch

Daffydungle · Aug 10, 2022 at 11:51 PM

Stupid brain! I have been doing fine, getting on with things and then bam! My brain goes rememebr the time you made an idiot of yourself 32 years ago then goes on to list all the other times i felt like an idot at random times in the day.

I am sorry i havent been around much and dont have time to catch up but thinking of you all and hugs if people need them.

unaluna · Aug 11, 2022 at 12:16 AM

Daf, you know your my hero. You raised a family under trying circumstances and you're an artist, and you are one of the cleverest, funniest people on the couch.

There's no bigger idiot than me. Cringe was my middle name. But i still did a lot of darn good things that i am now proud of myself for. Its like an accounting ledger, credits in one column, debits in another. You dont keep a running total added up. You keep your assets.

WarmFuzzySocks · Aug 11, 2022 at 01:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Do you have jelly on your chin? Thats often my problem!

Hahahaha! You make me laugh, una.

ArtieTheSequal · Aug 11, 2022 at 06:47 AM

Here I am wide awake again at 4:30 in the morning. Been awake for an hour or so, have already showered for the day and puttered around the house straightening things. Temporarily anyway we aren't on overtime at work, so I have another hour or so before I can log on and start working. We were doing OT last week, but not this week, they're saying probably next week again. I suppose I could cook myself a nice breakfast, too bad taco bell's not open this early or I'd go down there and get a breakfast burrito or something. I have a one-on-one with my Sup later this morning so of course I am anxious about that on top of everything else. We have them every month, so I don't know why I get all keyed up about them every.single.time.

Hugs/head nods all around as appropriate/wanted/needed.

ArtieTheSequal · Aug 11, 2022 at 07:43 AM

Well I went ahead and made some scrambled eggs with onion & avocado which is yummy. And now it's almost time to log on to work....

Quietmind 2 · Aug 11, 2022 at 08:12 AM

Hugs, if wanted Kit.

If I might comment on your Dear T posts,

I honestly wonder if one of the reasons you struggle so much is because you haven't had a therapist familiar with dissociation and trauma, along with your schizoaffective.

I'm wondering because clinical research has found that a significant subset of folks with psychosis/schizo-spectrum who have experienced trauma when younger also dissociate. Same for some chronically depressed and anxious folks. And unless the dissociation is targeted, therapy + meds aren't so effective.

I can't remember the studies right now. I waa fortunate to have had a lovely conversation last year with a clinical researcher investigating trauma in folks with major depression or dysthymia and we also talked about related stuff like psychosis and dissociation.

My dysthymia is somewhat treatment resistant partly due to my dissociation even though I've not self harmed in a long time. Medication is only partly effective for me.

Just my theory, I might not be right on you.

ScarletPimpernel · Aug 11, 2022 at 08:47 AM

I'm nervous and scared! Today is my assessment for the IOP. I don't know what they could possibly want to know for 1.5-2 hours. I just have no clue what I'm walking into.

SlumberKitty · Aug 11, 2022 at 10:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I'm nervous and scared! Today is my assessment for the IOP. I don't know what they could possibly want to know for 1.5-2 hours. I just have no clue what I'm walking into.

Good luck, Scarlet. I hope it goes well.

SlumberKitty · Aug 11, 2022 at 10:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Hugs, Kit. Is it possible to take another day off? Or a half day?

I understand why you feel that way with your T telling you to talk to pdoc. But I think it's a sign that she cares about you, that she thinks it could be partly about your medications, which she can't help with--they just changed those a bunch in the hospital right? I'd see if you can get in to see your pdoc next week--the 31st is pretty far away. If they took you off a couple meds, then you could be adjusting to that (possible withdrawal, if they stopped cold turkey), and maybe it's also not the right combination for you? Or not the right dosage? So I'd see about a sooner appointment.

Also, do you have some sort of IOP or PHP program to help transition from IP to outside life?

Hi LT,

I'm not sure it is a good idea to take another day off or a half day off....we are a small team and there's been a lot going on, like random stuff that is urgent and can't wait. I'm hoping I adjust soon.

They didn't offer me PHP or IOP so they just sort of let me go. I still have Aftercare from when I did IOP last year so I am going to do that.

I messaged my pdoc through the portal and he said it would be a good idea to wait the three weeks to see him to see how the medicine is doing.

Yes, they stopped me cold turkey on THREE medications! Yikes! I could be having withdraws maybe.

I'm just trying to suck it up and do my best. Don't know how that is going to work out.

HUGS kit

SlumberKitty · Aug 11, 2022 at 10:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quietmind 2

Hugs, if wanted Kit.

If I might comment on your Dear T posts,

I honestly wonder if one of the reasons you struggle so much is because you haven't had a therapist familiar with dissociation and trauma, along with your schizoaffective.

I'm wondering because clinical research has found that a significant subset of folks with psychosis/schizo-spectrum who have experienced trauma when younger also dissociate. Same for some chronically depressed and anxious folks. And unless the dissociation is targeted, therapy + meds aren't so effective.

I can't remember the studies right now. I waa fortunate to have had a lovely conversation last year with a clinical researcher investigating trauma in folks with major depression or dysthymia and we also talked about related stuff like psychosis and dissociation.

My dysthymia is somewhat treatment resistant partly due to my dissociation even though I've not self harmed in a long time. Medication is only partly effective for me.

Just my theory, I might not be right on you.

Thanks, Quietmind2

I do dissociate. T has brought it up before so I guess she is at least aware of it. I'm just so broken down from the struggle and I really have no other thing that I can think of to help. So I just have to keep pressing forward and hope that whatever resources I have is enough.

HUGS Kit

LonesomeTonight · Aug 11, 2022 at 10:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I'm nervous and scared! Today is my assessment for the IOP. I don't know what they could possibly want to know for 1.5-2 hours. I just have no clue what I'm walking into.

I hope it goes well, Scarlet! They likely have a set of standard questions they ask that take up a lot of time.

ElectricManatee · Aug 11, 2022 at 11:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

I'm hopeful that this is going to help me to get a handle on my emotions, help me learn to control my thoughts/emotions instead of just always letting them control me, so that I can finally start living only in the present instead of some weird convoluted combination of the past and the future. Something that my therapy never really properly addressed, I guess. Whew I just typed a lot.

For me, the less I try to control these things, the better I feel. It's not about trying to change my thoughts or feelings but to accept that they exist and that they're trying to tell me something (maybe useful, maybe not) and it's my job to accept the feelings, validate them, and have compassion for myself. Like if I'm getting into an anxiety spiral, I can (only sometimes!) stop and think, "Yes, I really am anxious about how that will go because it's important to me. There really isn't anything I can do about that at the moment, so maybe I can [do distracting, soothing thing] or [focus on task at hand that I can feel accomplished about]. By giving up control, I somehow gain stability and the feelings decrease in intensity.

ArtieTheSequal · Aug 11, 2022 at 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I'm nervous and scared! Today is my assessment for the IOP. I don't know what they could possibly want to know for 1.5-2 hours. I just have no clue what I'm walking into.

I hope it goes well Scarlet!

ArtieTheSequal · Aug 11, 2022 at 12:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

For me, the less I try to control these things, the better I feel. It's not about trying to change my thoughts or feelings but to accept that they exist and that they're trying to tell me something (maybe useful, maybe not) and it's my job to accept the feelings, validate them, and have compassion for myself. Like if I'm getting into an anxiety spiral, I can (only sometimes!) stop and think, "Yes, I really am anxious about how that will go because it's important to me. There really isn't anything I can do about that at the moment, so maybe I can [do distracting, soothing thing] or [focus on task at hand that I can feel accomplished about]. By giving up control, I somehow gain stability and the feelings decrease in intensity.

Thanks EM. I just realized something! Thanks for getting my wheels turning again! That, the stopping and looking at the feelings/thoughts/emotions is what will allow me to sort them into the proper ring of the circle - I tend to make everything my fault in some fashion or other so stopping and looking at the emotions - if they don't belong in my circle of control or circle of influence, then i move them out to the circle of concern and let them go. maybe this is just the visual I need to start doing that. I am going to go get a sheet of that posterboard stuff at the dollar store and draw the bullseye - and write stuff on post-it notes - and put them visually where they belong. I like this.

ScarletPimpernel · Aug 11, 2022 at 12:39 PM

I remember something ex-T taught me a little about with ACT.

Say you're at a party and there's someone there you hate. You can obsess and be upset that the person is there, and it will ruin your experience of the party. Or you can acknowledge that the person is there and continue enjoying the party.

It's like a big pink elephant in the room. The more you try to ignore it, the bigger it gets.

I actually gave L a braclet with an miniature Amigurumi pink elephant. She wears it ever session to remind us to acknowledge the pink elephants.

Quietmind 2 · Aug 11, 2022 at 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

Hi LT,

I'm not sure it is a good idea to take another day off or a half day off....we are a small team and there's been a lot going on, like random stuff that is urgent and can't wait. I'm hoping I adjust soon.

They didn't offer me PHP or IOP so they just sort of let me go. I still have Aftercare from when I did IOP last year so I am going to do that.

I messaged my pdoc through the portal and he said it would be a good idea to wait the three weeks to see him to see how the medicine is doing.

Yes, they stopped me cold turkey on THREE medications! Yikes! I could be having withdraws maybe.

I'm just trying to suck it up and do my best. Don't know how that is going to work out.

HUGS kit

I hope that if you do later feel you can benefit from a half day or day off, that you can take that. You're a very dedicated coworker to your team, and I really respect that.

Really off-topic: I never read "suck it up" (in a similar context) as passive-aggressive, but my T really bristled at me using that phrase once. My first and only time I used it too. It's still puzzling to me.

SlumberKitty · Aug 11, 2022 at 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quietmind 2

I hope that if you do later feel you can benefit from a half day or day off, that you can take that. You're a very dedicated coworker to your team, and I really respect that.

Really off-topic: I never read "suck it up" (in a similar context) as passive-aggressive, but my T really bristled at me using that phrase once. My first and only time I used it too. It's still puzzling to me.

Thanks Quietmind2

I decided to ask for 2 hours off tomorrow, work like 6 AM to 1 PM or something like that. At least it will be the start of the weekend and hopefully I can just chill and rest and recuperate.

Hmm. I've never thought suck it up is passive-aggressive either. I don't tell other people to suck it up....but I do tell myself that!

HUGS Kit

SlumberKitty · Aug 11, 2022 at 03:25 PM

My Pdoc probably hates me. I've been pestering him too much, last week for the hospitalization, this week for medication changes, a couple of months ago because my GP was freaking out. UGH.

The hospital took me off one of my anti-depressants and two of my anti-psychotics and raised the dose by triple of the third anti-psychotic. I think the anti-psychotics are fine, not that I am not having hallucinations because I am, and I am also having dizziness and stuff which I figure is from the A/P. But I think I need the A/D back. So I messaged my pdoc through the portal and asked him if I could restart the A/D that the hospital took me off of. I am waiting for a response. He probably hates me right now. I can't handle this depression. It's too much.

SlumberKitty · Aug 11, 2022 at 03:26 PM

I talked with a crisis line during my lunch break. She didn't really have any useful suggestions but it was sort of nice just to be able to talk about my thoughts in a non-judgmental platform. Kind of took the edge off of things.

LostOnTheTrail · Aug 11, 2022 at 03:35 PM

Kit, I'm sorry you're struggling so much at the moment.

I feel certain your P-doc will appreciate you reaching out for help, especially if the hospital has done something that could potentially have an impact on you long term.

HUGS.

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Couch 239: Cape Coral Couch

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Daffydungle Poohbah Member Since Apr 2020 Location: Nowhere Posts: 1,257 3 451 hugs given	Aug 10, 2022 at 11:51 PM #161 Stupid brain! I have been doing fine, getting on with things and then bam! My brain goes rememebr the time you made an idiot of yourself 32 years ago then goes on to list all the other times i felt like an idot at random times in the day. I am sorry i havent been around much and dont have time to catch up but thinking of you all and hugs if people need them.

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,217 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,754 hugs given	Aug 11, 2022 at 07:43 AM #165 Well I went ahead and made some scrambled eggs with onion & avocado which is yummy. And now it's almost time to log on to work....

ScarletPimpernel Wise Elder Member Since Nov 2013 Location: US Posts: 8,405 (SuperPoster!) 10 6,397 hugs given	Aug 11, 2022 at 08:47 AM #167 I'm nervous and scared! Today is my assessment for the IOP. I don't know what they could possibly want to know for 1.5-2 hours. I just have no clue what I'm walking into. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica

SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Aug 11, 2022 at 03:26 PM #179 I talked with a crisis line during my lunch break. She didn't really have any useful suggestions but it was sort of nice just to be able to talk about my thoughts in a non-judgmental platform. Kind of took the edge off of things. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA