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Organized Disaster
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Default Aug 11, 2022 at 06:33 PM
  #1
I've recently relocated after having to place my mother in a nursing home for dementia and am thinking about starting therapy again.

I'd been in counseling few times in the past and about a year ago, decided to go to therapy due to caregiver burnout. I also had some mixed feelings about certain things that happened growing up that took on a new significance in the wake of my mother's illness. When I went to the psychiatrist my MD referred me to (it was through my insurance company and I had to stay within their relatively small network), I briefly explained the situation, not getting too much into my background because I just figured whichever counselor he'd refer me to would delve into it. All other therapist I had been to previously had done so and I just assumed that it was part and parcel to all therapy.

I ended up seeing a therapist who was my exact age (34), which was a first for me and a little weird. She asked me briefly about my childhood, but most of our once-a-month sessions revolved around platitudes about self-care and various other things that I could have Googled for free. She was a very nice person, but it was obvious that she was only doing surface level type therapy.

I've been looking up the different types of therapy. From what I'm reading, psychodynamic therapy seems to be the "deep dive" into one's childhood that had always been part of my other therapies.

I just sent my resume to a place which offers benefits including health insurance, although it seems that many such therapies aren't covered by insurance due to the sheer length of time patients are often in it. I did find at least one nearby therapist who specializes in psychodynamic therapy and who accepts the exact type of insurance that this potential job offers.

So, since some of you seem more versed in the various therapy methodologies than me, is psychodynamic therapy the type of therapy I'm looking for to make sense if certain past family issues?

Sorry that was so long.
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Default Aug 11, 2022 at 09:03 PM
  #2
Here’s my advice… meet with the therapist and tell them what you want/need and then see what happens. Specifically tell them you don’t want platitudes about self-care.

Methodology doesn’t mean that much and psychodynamic is a pretty broad term. Few therapists use just one methodology anyway. It’s more about the connection. Like any other kind of relationship, sometimes there’s a spark and sometimes there isn’t. Interview a few people. I’ll bet that one will be head and shoulders above the others and your decision will be pretty easy. If you can afford it, go with once a week and eat the cost for a while.

Don’t send resumes. You’re hiring them, not vice versa.

Good luck!!!
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Default Aug 11, 2022 at 09:30 PM
  #3
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Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans View Post
Here’s my advice… meet with the therapist and tell them what you want/need and then see what happens. Specifically tell them you don’t want platitudes about self-care.

Methodology doesn’t mean that much and psychodynamic is a pretty broad term. Few therapists use just one methodology anyway. It’s more about the connection. Like any other kind of relationship, sometimes there’s a spark and sometimes there isn’t. Interview a few people. I’ll bet that one will be head and shoulders above the others and your decision will be pretty easy. If you can afford it, go with once a week and eat the cost for a while.

Don’t send resumes. You’re hiring them, not vice versa.

Good luck!!!
Yes to all of this (although I think the resume thing was an application to a job with benefits that would facilitate regular therapy, not sending resumes to potential therapists). My T does the type of work you're talking about and would describe herself as relational, not psychodynamic (although I do see bits of psychodynamic influence pop up in her perspective from time to time). She also mentions CBT expertise in her bio which would have turned me off from her, but she doesn't go that direction if the client isn't interested or doesn't benefit from it. (I started seeing her at her old job before that particular bio was written.)

Lots of people *are* interested in short-term quick fixes, so it will be useful to mention that that's not what you have in mind. Then you can see what potential therapists say. You might also ask if they know of any other therapists who do the type of therapy you're talking about, if they say they don't. Good luck in your search; I hope you find what you're looking for.
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Default Aug 12, 2022 at 06:32 AM
  #4
I agree that you need to ask the therapist. Neither my current nor former therapist advertise themselves as doing psychodynamic therapy (in fact, my current one has specifically told me that he doesn't work that way), but with both, I've spent a good deal of time on my childhood and how it connects to what I'm dealing with in the present. So it's not necessarily about the label, but how they practice.

If you have an email contact for this therapist, you could send a (fairly brief) email asking for what you're looking for (and what you don't want) and ask if it's something they offer. Or you could see if they offer a free 15-minute consultation (some do this) or, if not, if you could talk on the phone briefly to discuss what you're looking for (my current and former one did this).

Years ago, I did briefly see a therapist who sounds like the one you described, offering platitudes and trying to have me do things like "vision boards." It wasn't my style at all, and I didn't stay with her very long. I'm not sure how she billed herself.

I hope you get the job and can find a therapist who works for you. Also, sorry about your mother.
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Default Aug 12, 2022 at 07:53 AM
  #5
Not necessarily. Psychodynamic can indeed focus on the past but there is no 'resolving' as the therapist is typically a blank slate, minimal interaction with the therapist and therapy is more 'passive'. Is that what you are looking for.

There are various types of therapies: humanistic (emphasis is on how the past affects your present, so you can bring up the past but within a relational/interactive framework), internal family systems, trauma or even some body work therapies that work on how past trauma embeds itself within the body.

I would do a search for various types of therapies, meet various therapists and ask how they work (i.e. you interview them) and see which feels 'right' for you + also if you connect with the therapist in question. Don't restrict yourself to psychodynamic and blindly stick to it.
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Default Aug 12, 2022 at 09:51 AM
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Yes to all of this (although I think the resume thing was an application to a job with benefits that would facilitate regular therapy, not sending resumes to potential therapists).
LOLOLOL!! So so sorry OP if I got this wrong. I truly reread it a few times, was quite impressed at your original and innovative approach to seeking a therapist (sending resumes) but then ultimately thought, “no she’s giving them too much power right off the bat!”

Thank you EM for correcting me!
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Default Aug 12, 2022 at 10:42 AM
  #7
My take is that if you find a therapist trained in this manner than you are more likely to have someone who dives deeply. They would be less likely to do surface things or fix your life in 12 easy steps While various types of treatment can be useful at different times throughout the relationship, a psychodynamically oriented therapist will be able and willing to go there with you.

I agree that other types of therapist might be able to but a Psychoanalyst will be able to for sure (exceptions always exist). My T is oriented this way. He said that the blank slate is an older model. He is not a blank slate and had been in the past.

So yes, I think ( while many will probably disagree) that it is more of a sure way to get what you described. Having said that, the treatment is as good as the relationship, so you of course need someone you can work with, click with as you probably already know. Also, some people here are professionally trained in various styles and could answer from that perspective. I’m biased because my experience is so impactful on in my life not because I am professionally trained.

Last edited by Just42dayK; Aug 12, 2022 at 11:23 AM..
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Default Aug 12, 2022 at 11:08 AM
  #8
Just throwing in my two cents: I've tended to have better luck with therapists that identify their practice as "eclectic."

But really, I read somewhere that the theoretical model that the therapist practices is less important than the relationship that is built between therapist and client.

Good luck in your search. HUGS Kit

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Default Aug 12, 2022 at 12:29 PM
  #9
Thank you so much for all your responses!

I figured that most therapists use a blend of various methods based on the client's individual needs. I was just trying to figure out if there was a specific modality to deal with some of the conflicting feelings about my past, some of which I kind of tamped down on at the time. Sometimes, it can get depressing. I've always kind of been of the opinion that when certain feelings keep popping up regularly, maybe it's a sign that I need to discuss them with some type of professional.

My last therapist was very nice, but much of her verbiage sounded like it came from an internet article (i.e., "carve out time for yourself", "lean into your support systems", etc). I have no doubt she was sincere, but it still seemed rather scripted. One thing that she kept complimenting me on was my insight, which felt nice but also slightly self-conscious. The stuff she was calling insightful (such as me simply noting that various family members react differently to my mom's dementia) is just how my brain works. I would sometimes leave therapy thinking that because possessed this so-called insight, maybe I didn't need therapy at all and I was making too much of things.

I never felt that way with any other therapist, and that's why I'm kind of being choosy now. I people have tendency to hear that I'm articulate and assume I have stuff more "together" than I do. That gets frustrating.
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Default Aug 12, 2022 at 09:28 PM
  #10
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Originally Posted by Organized Disaster View Post
The stuff she was calling insightful (such as me simply noting that various family members react differently to my mom's dementia) is just how my brain works. I would sometimes leave therapy thinking that because possessed this so-called insight, maybe I didn't need therapy at all and I was making too much of things.
Ooh yes, if you're already inclined to think this way, that could make for some really fascinating insights with the right therapist. My therapist is excellent at understanding the personalities/mental frameworks of the people in my orbit and then explaining the dynamics that happen within the entire system. That has been helpful in understanding why people are reacting a certain way to a situation. This is the sort of thing that slow, deep therapy with the right person can provide. It takes a certain kind of analytical mind to do it, I think, and you need enough time for them to build a picture of each important person in your life.

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I never felt that way with any other therapist, and that's why I'm kind of being choosy now. I people have tendency to hear that I'm articulate and assume I have stuff more "together" than I do. That gets frustrating.
Yeah, I can relate to this too. I spent like fifteen years not really knowing why I had chronic depression or what to do about it. Nothing really provided a lasting solution until I really started to dig into therapy and get to the root of it all. If you are intelligent and engaging, some therapists get so caught up in enjoying the conversation that they kind of forget that you're there because there is a problem you're looking for help with.
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