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Old 12-01-2022, 03:47 PM   #361
LonesomeTonight
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLV

Dear T,
Maybe I can't do this with you anymore. I don't know.
Love,
LT
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Old 12-01-2022, 05:39 PM   #362
LostOnTheTrail
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLV

Possible trigger:
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Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

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Old 12-01-2022, 06:04 PM   #363
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLV

You're nice. But I'm not letting my guard down right now.

But I don't want to play with clay. And I'm not sure why you asked an almost 30 year old unless you didn't know my age? But I can't help how I look and I was wearing the best jacket I had today. So I thought I looked pretty mature. I just worry about what my coworkers will think when they find out my age. So your question made me kinda self conscious.
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Old 12-01-2022, 06:38 PM   #364
LostOnTheTrail
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLV

And now a book that I thought would help has given me further details.

You were so careful with your words, and your sensitivity is always a blessing.

Damn it, damn it, damn it.
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'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
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Old 12-01-2022, 06:43 PM   #365
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLV

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mountaindewed View Post
You're nice. But I'm not letting my guard down right now.

But I don't want to play with clay. And I'm not sure why you asked an almost 30 year old unless you didn't know my age? But I can't help how I look and I was wearing the best jacket I had today. So I thought I looked pretty mature. I just worry about what my coworkers will think when they find out my age. So your question made me kinda self conscious.
A lot of therapists do art and play therapy even with adults. It doesn't usually have anything to do with age or maturity.
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Old Yesterday, 06:06 AM   #366
LonesomeTonight
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLV

Dear T,
I wish I could just cancel today, but I'm sure you'd charge me (don't want to lie and say I'm sick), and that would damage the relationship further. I know it's your policy, but I also came in for an extra session, so you wouldn't be losing any income from me this week. Plus, you said once that I'm so reliable, I probably earned a free "no-show" (which is different from a late cancellation). I'm sure you've forgotten about that, just like you forgot the other times I said I loved you, and you were fine with it, and I didn't start asking for more things after, like you're so afraid of now for some reason.

(I'll avoid the scary word),

LT
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Old Yesterday, 10:50 AM   #367
comrademoomoo
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLV

No one but you has the ability to make me so ragefully angry. I haven't got enough body space for this anger. This ending is not about you or what you want or what makes you sad or disappointed or what you are finding difficult. This isn't a good ending and I will not collude with you to pretend that it is. You are out of your mind. I do genuinely wonder if you have experienced some cognitive decline as a result of illness or old age. Even by your previous standards, your recent communication was ludicrous.
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Old Yesterday, 02:31 PM   #368
LostOnTheTrail
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLV

Four more sleeps.
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'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
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Old Yesterday, 02:34 PM   #369
LonesomeTonight
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLV

Dear T,
OK, I'm glad I went. The discussion we had at the beginning helped, and then I think it also helped to talk about something else for a while (plus I needed to address some stuff with D). It helped for you to explain more. And to tell me that you're trying hard to not make the same mistakes ex-MC made, because you know it would hurt me. Knowing it's at least somewhat deliberate, how you're trying to figure out what to do to best serve me and determine whether we need to talk about it more feels much better than thinking it's just your freaking out and not knowing how to handle what I said.

Also, I appreciate the glass fish reference.


Love,
LT
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Old Yesterday, 02:46 PM   #370
Mountaindewed
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLV

When I was talking to you to my mom I said "whats her name." Because I've gone through so many therapists your name just slipped my mind.
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Old Yesterday, 02:55 PM   #371
LostOnTheTrail
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLV

It feels awkward to bring something like this in two sessions before the end of the year, but it's too big to sweep under the rug. I know what I know, and I can't pretend that I don't.
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'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
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Old Today, 10:39 AM   #372
LostOnTheTrail
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLV

The last 48 hours have been rough, and yet somehow, there is still poetry.

Possible trigger:
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
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Old Today, 05:01 PM   #373
Mountaindewed
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLV

I kind of am missing my last therapist today. She claims she'll be back though. I swear I have like 3 distinct memories of my transference T and the main one I have is the December 2020 IOP one. But I'll be seeing this new one on Monday then the week before Christmas and then a few days after. All in person. So I won't be left hanging. Although I wasn't left hanging last year either. Some things just stick with you.
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Old Today, 06:33 PM   #374
Waterbear
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLV

Dear K,

I'm finding this very interesting indeed. It's basically been a month since you messaged me, and that was a one off, I think, because of the day. I am really grateful that you remembered, and that you reached out.

And I was doing really well afterwards, I was busy, enjoying life, getting on with other things, you almost faded into the background, which was amazing, actually. I just had this sense of knowing, which is hard to explain. I felt some sort of security, I think.

I have been wanting to write for a while though, and finally got round to doing it the other day, and since I sent it, things have been slightly different. I want to say slightly more unsettled, which is a real shame. It wonder if it will ever settle down? Or whether I am better off just leaving that distance between us.

I am starting to wonder whether trying to maintain some sort of weird relationship with you is actually in my best interests anymore. I wonder whether I should stop trying to maintain it and simply let it go. I wonder whether I could keep hold of that sense of security if I didn't satiate my desire to reach out to you.

Anyway, yeah, I'm all good, just finding this really interesting (and hoping you get my letter and reply, obviously!!)

Lots of love, me x
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