[unaluna]

Welcome to the couch, old and new! A place to hang out - sometimes you get immediate feedback, sometimes you don't.

Shouting, "Cool Whip" tends to bring others out from between the cushions if you're feeling lonely.

This is a chatty thread. All are welcome. We're kind of psychologically oriented, sometimes. We try to be supportive. At times we discuss what that means.

It’s a place to plop down on the couch when you come home from work or wherever, or wake up in the middle of the night, or check in at lunch, rant a bit or not, and be among friends.

We advise you not to drink or drug and text your therapist ("T") - we speak from experience.

Sometimes the thread moves fast and you might get overlooked; sometimes it moves slowly and all you hear are crickets. Sometimes you get hugged or thanked pages later. So if it's a bigger question, you might want to start a new thread.

Grab a cushion, a spot on the floor, or an armchair in the corner and make yourselves comfy.

The first palindrome. 242 also a palindrome.

[SlumberKitty]

unaluna, I love palindromes!

[SlumberKitty]

My very good, close friend who I love like a sister is going to be gone for 18 days. She and I will be 7,521 miles apart and she will be 10 hours ahead of me.

Yesterday I was so anxious and freaked out and feeling abandoned, rejected, all that good stuff, even though I know this trip has been coming.

Today I feel "cold calm" where I have such high intensity anxiety that I feel like a "lamb to the slaughter." I can do nothing to change the stated facts. I just have to go through it and survive it. It is excruciating but there is no way through but to go through it.

One of my hallucinations that I haven't seen in years popped up yesterday. A visual hallucination. The white queen. yes she wears a crown. I think she is here because of the intense anxiety and because of the deep sense of loss that I feel. I'm very attached to this friend and I have stupidly allowed myself to feel love for her (platanic) and to allow her into my heart. So now that she is going away it feels like I am being ripped in two.

[ArtieTheSequal]

Hugs, Kit, I'm sorry that your friend is going to be so far away. Can you keep in touch by email or text while she's away? Or even a phone call or two? I don't think you're stupid for feeling love. I think it makes you a beautiful human being.

[SlumberKitty]

Thank you Artie. I don't think we can do email or phone calls. I asked her if she has WhatsApp but she doesn't. So that leaves Facebook messenger. I am going to try to leave it up to her about how frequently she wants to write/be in contact but if I don't hear from her after a few days I will send something. She says she will never ever forget about me and I believe her. And my T reminded me that just because people are far away doesn't mean that they stop caring about me or loving me. Which kind of helped too. It's just hard. But hopefully these next few weeks will fly by. Plus I keep reminding myself, I will be in Peru in April, Lord willing, and I will be the one leaving her behind.

[ArtieTheSequal]

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

Thank you Artie. I don't think we can do email or phone calls. I asked her if she has WhatsApp but she doesn't. So that leaves Facebook messenger. I am going to try to leave it up to her about how frequently she wants to write/be in contact but if I don't hear from her after a few days I will send something. She says she will never ever forget about me and I believe her. And my T reminded me that just because people are far away doesn't mean that they stop caring about me or loving me. Which kind of helped too. It's just hard. But hopefully these next few weeks will fly by. Plus I keep reminding myself, I will be in Peru in April, Lord willing, and I will be the one leaving her behind.

It's kinda cheesy but you can also remember when you look up at the moon at night, it's the same moon she'll see when she looks up too, that might help a little. I reminded myself of that sometimes while L was living up north during those years we did only phone sessions to feel a little tiny bit closer to her.

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

It's kinda cheesy but you can also remember when you look up at the moon at night, it's the same moon she'll see when she looks up too, that might help a little. I reminded myself of that sometimes while L was living up north during those years we did only phone sessions to feel a little tiny bit closer to her.

She says "love you to the moon and back" so that is actually very appropriate. She will be in Egypt and Jordan, and the first part of her trip is Egypt. I plan to do a King Tut puzzle and each piece I will think of her! She liked that idea too. She said it will help keep us connected.

I can't tell her how much I am suffering due to this anxiety about her being gone because it will be too intense. But she's smart. She knows it is affecting me.

[SlumberKitty]

unaluna. I looked up palindromes. This one--Sator arepo tenet opera rotas--is in latin and dates back to the times of the Romans. Pretty awesome!

[ArtieTheSequal]

That is one poetry form I have yet to attempt - a palindrome poem. They appear to be quite difficult!! I may have to challenge myself to write one in 2023. Thanks for the idea you guys!

eta a quick, short, fairly suckish attempt at one:

Stars
floating aimlessly
among dancing moonlight:
lost, I am.
Home is where...
But
Where is home?
Am I lost?
Moonlight dancing among
aimlessly floating
stars.

[ArtieTheSequal]

I'm so glad I made the decision to see L today; setting a specific intention for how I would use the limited time was a huge help, I think. The hour was over so very quickly of course... but nevertheless, it was helpful to just slow down, sit there and feel seen and accepted, with no pressure to be anything at all but myself, while I mentally recalibrated for a bit. We talked too, of course but for a short time I just laid my head back on the couch and soaked in the peacefulness. I'm so funny though when I was ready to talk I started off by saying "I don't know how this is supposed to look today" and without giving her a chance to say anything in response I just dived in and we were off to the races like it hadn't been over a year since I'd been there last.

[ArtieTheSequal]

I think I'm ready to face another month of overtime now... oh how I needed that precious hour.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

unaluna, I love palindromes!

So do i! I have a book of them around here somewhere.

[ArtieTheSequal]

is that ailihphilia?

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

is that ailihphilia?

Funny girl!

[ScarletPimpernel]

I'm so angry! At L and at H! She just screwed me up now. I shouldn't have listened to her suggestion. I should have known my H's reaction. This is my fault.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I talked to L tonight. She apologized for her part in this situation. It makes me feel better. AND I'm still hurting and angry.

I'm off to take anxiety meds and knock myself out.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I talked to L tonight. She apologized for her part in this situation. It makes me feel better. AND I'm still hurting and angry.

I'm off to take anxiety meds and knock myself out.

I'm glad she apologized. It's OK to still be hurting and angry at her though. Hope you're getting some sleep. Hugs....

[ArtieTheSequal]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I talked to L tonight. She apologized for her part in this situation. It makes me feel better. AND I'm still hurting and angry.

I'm off to take anxiety meds and knock myself out.

I'm glad she apologized. I understand how you are still hurting and angry, though... pretty sure I would be if it were me. I hope you got some rest and are feeling a little better.

[ArtieTheSequal]

break time. glad it's a short day of just overtime today. i have a lot to think about after my session with L yesterday! eta: The first thing I'm thinking is that it was a success mostly because of the time limit I put on it (as in, it was one session). The cbt-based program I did awhile back that was time-limited, and yesterday's experience, have taught me that if/when I'm ready to start again with someone else, I need to have a set time frame for how long it will last out the gate. I don't want any more of this psyche-wandering, open-ended stuff.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I'm feeling exhausted after yesterday's roller-coaster of emotions. But I'm feeling better today. I don't feel angry at L. She apologized again in her email today. Still angry at H. Not for his decision, but how he treated me. But life goes on...