Therapist seems like she is skinny shaming me almost?

Mountaindewed · Sep 15, 2022 at 01:11 PM

I really like my therapist a ton and we work well together but she is so obsessed with my weight and body image and eating habits it seems at times that she is skinny shaming me a bit. I'm a normal weight for my height but a bit on the slim side for a guy. I get a lot of crap from her because she thinks I'm too thin. She also harps on me about how much I eat when I am on several psych and medical meds that make it very physically hard for me to eat. I still eat enough calories each day though. I am also waiting on results from an allergy test so some foods I do have to be overly careful about. I literally tell her all this each session.

I know my eating isn't great all the time. But I don't think being harped on each week is helpful.

I am not trying to lose any more weight. I have told her this. Things have been out of my control lately. But she just reminds me of a doctor who fat shames their patients.

Does anyone have any feedback?

ScarletPimpernel · Sep 15, 2022 at 01:32 PM

I'm sorry you're feeling shamed by your T. Have you talked to her about this?

From everything I've read here that you write it seems like weight and diet is your main issue why you're in therapy. Do you work on anything else? If you're mainly seeing her for weight and diet, then her focus will be and should be on that. Again, everything you post is about that. You do seems to have a lot of issues around food and control. You often say that it's not in your control, but it actually is. I am by no means saying it's easy. And you definitely should not be shamed for body size especially if it's in a healthy range. Yet I think you know your eating habits are off.

Mountaindewed · Sep 15, 2022 at 01:37 PM

I just feel like I've made a lot of progress which she hasn't been seeing even though I've told her. I feel like it goes in one ear and out the other.

We talk about my anxiety and going back to work too.

I brought this up with my pdoc who knows about my weight and body image issues and he says he disagrees with her and that I look fine.

*Beth* · Sep 15, 2022 at 03:40 PM

I would definitely press the issue with your t. Until I was in my late 40's and on Seroquel I was very thin. 5'6" and 110lbs. I wasn't trying to be thin, I had just always been that way. I was skinny shamed so badly! "You must live on a raisin a day"..."I know you're a ballet dancer, but do you starve yourself on purpose?"..."You know you have anorexia, right?"

The fact was I had NO food issues.

My point is, it can really, really hurt and damage one's self-esteem to be skinny shamed. I know that you're already self-conscious about being thin. Yes, talk with her. It's an important topic for your therapy with her.

Lostislost · Sep 16, 2022 at 04:02 AM

It seems really strange that a therapist would comment on your body at all. It doesn't sound like she is helping, just making this worse. She should be focusing on behaviours and feelings, not appearances.

Her comments are very damaging, she's saying things that abusive/neglectful parents would say to their child to try and make them lose/gain weight. It never works and just makes eating issues worse (if there are any). To change eating or weight issues, there should be very little focus on food and appearance.

Oliviab · Sep 16, 2022 at 06:11 AM

If your therapist is focused on the fact that you have lost weight, and you have disordered eating, then no, I would not consider that skinny shaming. I would consider that a therapist doing their job. Perhaps not effectively, or in a way that is helpful for you, but I think calling it "skinny shaming" might be a deflection. And unless your pdoc has expertise in disordered eating, I wouldn't consider his opinion as evidence that she is in the wrong.

Of course, if what your T is doing isn't helpful, you can always talk to her about that. And hopefully she will hear you out and work with you to find more effective strategies.

LonesomeTonight · Sep 16, 2022 at 06:29 AM

I would definitely tell her how it's making you feel. And that it's not helpful. I assume there are other topics you'd want to spend time talking about instead? If so, it might help to say, "I want to be talking more about x and y, but when you spend so much time on weight, I can't talk about them."

My T has also learned (in part due to how I reacted and in part from telling him) that if he keeps bringing something up, like my needing to exercise more, it's not helpful to me and can backfire (it can make me withdraw from him, for example). He will occasionally throw in a brief statement like, "You know more exercise could help you sleep better. And that's all I'm going to say about it."

So maybe it could help to say that you know all these things, that her continuing to repeat them doesn't help. And could make you reluctant to bring up some topics/feelings, like saying you have no energy or are feeling ill, because then you're concerned she'll just go to the eating thing again.

Rive. · Sep 16, 2022 at 08:33 AM

I don't know if that is what your T is doing but frankly, your posts here are so overly-focused on food and how you are not eating enough, are unable to eat, are dropping weight etc. If this is what is happening in therapy, no wonder your T would be concerned..

Concern is markedly different than shaming. Ts do have a duty of care if clients seem ill, too skinny, keep dropping weight or keep bringing up issues with food and not eating.

divine1966 · Sep 18, 2022 at 06:54 AM

I think your t is concerned that you aren’t eating healthy and that you are unwell because of it. Perhaps she’s going about it all wrong but I don’t think she’s trying to shame you for being skinny. It sounds to me that you have a disorder eating pattern (not sure if you are diagnosed with ED), she can’t be ignoring it.

nottrustin · Sep 18, 2022 at 12:07 PM

From your posts here and under other boards, you seem fixated with your body, weight, food intake and exercise. Do you think your Ts comments are in relation to her being concerned at how much you worry about this?

Mountaindewed · Sep 18, 2022 at 02:55 PM

I think she is concerned. But I also don't think she acknowledges the times when I have made progress or when I do admit to what the cause of things are. Also telling me to "just keep on eating" isn't very helpful advice. I feel its like telling a depressed person "just be happy!" I have an email I'm going to send to her in the morning that explains some things.

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Therapist seems like she is skinny shaming me almost?

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divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,364 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,277 hugs given	Sep 18, 2022 at 06:54 AM #9 I think your t is concerned that you aren’t eating healthy and that you are unwell because of it. Perhaps she’s going about it all wrong but I don’t think she’s trying to shame you for being skinny. It sounds to me that you have a disorder eating pattern (not sure if you are diagnosed with ED), she can’t be ignoring it.
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nottrustin Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: n/a Posts: 4,819 10 375 hugs given	Sep 18, 2022 at 12:07 PM #10 From your posts here and under other boards, you seem fixated with your body, weight, food intake and exercise. Do you think your Ts comments are in relation to her being concerned at how much you worry about this? __________________
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