[Snowflakes123456789]

Hi everyone. I don’t normally post on here but I love reading the forum and this is a great community. I’m having a bit of a dilemma. Basically I had a T that I began seeing in 2018. She was an amazing therapist and a perfect fit for me. I had around 7 therapists before her that were either bad therapists or not a good fit. I saw this T every week in person for 3 years (minus a few weeks during the peak of covid when we did teletherapy). In 2021, I moved to a different area but I wasn’t working so I was able to do teletherapy with her every week. It was hard not seeing her in person but I managed. However, I started a new job about 2 months ago. My T only does sessions during day hours which is when I work. She has been very accommodating and does sessions with me outside her normal time but it is only once a month and through teletherapy. She also allows emails and texts in between sessions as long as it’s not too much. However, I have been suffering with anxiety and depression and have been having a hard time not seeing this T often enough and not seeing her in person. I decided it might be best to try a different T who has more flexible hours that can see me in person. I tried a different T for 2 sessions. She was not nearly as good of a fit as my other T. I’m having a hard time because I’m not sure if I should stick it out with this new T or try to find someone else, or try to continue with old T and make it work. I really wanted to try to do both T’s at the same time so I could still see my old T but my new T didn’t want me seeing 2 therapists at once. Has anyone been in a situation even remotely similar to this that can give me some advice? I’d really appreciate any comments. Thanks so much and sorry this is so long!

[CANDC]

Hi @Snowflakes123456789 - welcome to MSF My Support Forums. I am sorry you are unable to see your old T as much as you would like.

The first thing that comes to mind is could you benefit from having both Ts in different capacities but the new T does not like that. It might get confusing having 2 Ts so that is understandable.

What about adding support groups like the Depression Bipolar Support Alliance has evening online zoom sessions in both national site and local sites (check your locality or DBSA Boston has). The local DBSA may also do in person. Then when you have more support it may be easier to decide what to do.

Another option is to see your doc or a psychiatrist and maybe they could prescribe meds to help your challenges.

hope you get the support you are looking for @CANDC

[Rive.]

Once a month isn't really enough if you are struggling with anxiety or depression etc. You need more consistent support.

Frankly, if you have tried a T a few sessions and it is not working out, it's better to search for someone else. Keep seeing that 'not so good T' in the interim, if you wish - but with regards to one's mental health, it makes a heck of a difference to have a good fit than not. So, keep searching - it can be trial and error but keep searching.

[LonesomeTonight]

No idea if this could work out for you, but does your job allow an hour for lunch? Do you drive to work? If so, would it be possible to have a virtual session from your car with the old T more frequently than once a month? I imagine that would also depend on her schedule, but just a possibility. Or is it all possible to flex your hours somewhat, like to come in and leave early (or vice versa) one day a week? I agree that once a month is not often enough.

With the new T, what makes her feel like she's not a good fit? I'm wondering if it could partly be that you're used to working with the old T and she has a different style or doesn't feel safe yet. If it's that, then it could be worth trying her for a few more weeks. If there's something she's doing/not doing that isn't working for you (like she talks too much or doesn't talk enough), then it's worth bringing that up to her. However, if it seems her style or personality is a really bad fit, if she doesn't have expertise in the areas that you need help in, or if there's some sort of red flag about her (like she said something you found personally offensive), then I suggest you try someone else before investing too much time.

If you're unsure, it's worth seeing what other options are out there--some offer a free 15-minute consultation or first session or at least an initial phone call, so you may be able to get a feel for them and whether they'd be a good fit. And some work evening or weekend hours. It would be worth asking about that when contacting them, whether they have availability that fits your schedule.

[Snowflakes123456789]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

No idea if this could work out for you, but does your job allow an hour for lunch? Do you drive to work? If so, would it be possible to have a virtual session from your car with the old T more frequently than once a month? I imagine that would also depend on her schedule, but just a possibility. Or is it all possible to flex your hours somewhat, like to come in and leave early (or vice versa) one day a week? I agree that once a month is not often enough.

With the new T, what makes her feel like she's not a good fit? I'm wondering if it could partly be that you're used to working with the old T and she has a different style or doesn't feel safe yet. If it's that, then it could be worth trying her for a few more weeks. If there's something she's doing/not doing that isn't working for you (like she talks too much or doesn't talk enough), then it's worth bringing that up to her. However, if it seems her style or personality is a really bad fit, if she doesn't have expertise in the areas that you need help in, or if there's some sort of red flag about her (like she said something you found personally offensive), then I suggest you try someone else before investing too much time.

If you're unsure, it's worth seeing what other options are out there--some offer a free 15-minute consultation or first session or at least an initial phone call, so you may be able to get a feel for them and whether they'd be a good fit. And some work evening or weekend hours. It would be worth asking about that when contacting them, whether they have availability that fits your schedule.

Thanks so much for your reply!! Unfortunately I don’t really have an official lunch break so I can’t really do it then. I didn’t think about switching around my hours for one day a week but that might be possible so I’ll think about it! The new T was ok, she didn’t really say anything super offensive. I think what triggered me was that she said she may have to refer me out because she thinks I may have an eating disorder, which I don’t think I really do, just disordered eating. So that triggered me because I have a fear of therapists ditching me even though I understand where she’s coming from. I think the main problem is that I’m comparing her so much to my old T which I know isn’t good. The thing is I am also super obsessed with my old T because of attachment issues so it might be good to see someone else I’m not sure. I emailed another T, I think I’m gonna try out a few ppl and see if anyone clicks and if I have a good feeling about anyone.

[Snowflakes123456789]

Originally Posted by Rive.

Once a month isn't really enough if you are struggling with anxiety or depression etc. You need more consistent support.

Frankly, if you have tried a T a few sessions and it is not working out, it's better to search for someone else. Keep seeing that 'not so good T' in the interim, if you wish - but with regards to one's mental health, it makes a heck of a difference to have a good fit than not. So, keep searching - it can be trial and error but keep searching.

Thanks so much for your reply! Yeah I emailed a diff T and I’m going to see if I could find someone that I mesh better with.

[LonesomeTonight]

I hope you can find someone who works for you! Or that you can figure out a different time to meet with the old T. I get the attachment thing, as I've dealt with it myself (past and present)--it can be really difficult and painful.

[Rive.]

Good luck, Snowflakes123456789.

Sometimes doing the 'best' thing for oneself can be painful in the moment but can save a world of hurt in the long run.

You know what you need e.g. in-person, good fit, anything else you need - so keep these in mind as your criteria for next T. If they don't offer what you need, there are plenty more other fish in the sea!